| I looked at my father for the last time | | | | |
| before he was finally laid to rest. And I | | | | Until recently, I did not want to admit that |
| said to myself, "I forgive you father". | | | | my childhood affected me emotionally and |
| | | | mentally. I have brought the memories of |
| I have forgiven him but I have not forgotten | | | | bygone age along into my daily existence. |
| the turmoil, terror and abuse that I went | | | | |
| through. | | | | In all my relationships, everything went well |
| | | | until my partners suggested on serious |
| My father was working away most of the time | | | | commitments. I would then sabotage the |
| when I was growing up. But when he was home, | | | | relationships. |
| he was violent. | | | | |
| | | | I was not able to open up to anyone. I was |
| I remembered crying in the middle of the | | | | very defensive when given any advice or |
| night listening to him beating up my mother. | | | | opinion on my attitude and behavior. |
| I could hear her sobs. And I wept because I | | | | |
| could not do anything about it. | | | | When there were arguments, I clamped up or |
| | | | walked off. I never wanted to face any issues |
| I was terrified of him. We were not supposed | | | | and resolve them. |
| to do any thing wrong according to his terms. | | | | |
| When I was six years old he pushed my head so | | | | And I would not cry in front of anyone no |
| hard onto the floor. I still have the scar on | | | | matter how sad or hurt I was. I remembered a |
| my forehead. | | | | time when my sister was badly wounded and |
| | | | hospitalized. I did not want anyone to see me |
| When my mother was diagnosed with depression, | | | | cry. I walked away and cried my heart out |
| the four of us siblings had to move and we | | | | alone in a secluded place. |
| lived with him. He hired someone to take care | | | | |
| of us while he was away at work. | | | | I excelled in my career by putting in lots of |
| | | | hours and efforts. Now I realized that it was |
| There was so much fear in us when he was | | | | one way of escaping reality. I kept myself so |
| back. My father was so angry with one of my | | | | busy so that I do not notice things that |
| brother's one day that he turned him upside | | | | needed attention. I was using work as a means |
| down and wanted to throw him off. I watched | | | | to avoid commitments. |
| that episode with horror. | | | | |
| | | | There was one thing that I gained from the |
| >From then on, I tried not to make any | | | | experience of being abandoned. I was able to |
| mistake. I wept inside because he did not | | | | sit quietly alone for hours and reflect. |
| want to hear any whimper. And I continued | | | | |
| watching him vent his anger on the rest of my | | | | It has developed my fascination on nature's |
| siblings. | | | | beauty. I love the feel of the wind blowing |
| | | | on my face. I enjoy watching the rain |
| When my father divorced my mother, I did not | | | | falling. And no matter how bad the weather |
| know how to feel or react. My mother was back | | | | is, it is still beautiful. |
| with us but her depression kept relapsing. We | | | | |
| were neglected. | | | | I became curious about many things. I |
| | | | questioned others and myself about life and |
| I found solace from friends at school. I | | | | how some things happen to certain people. I |
| enjoyed reading stories and literature. I | | | | wondered why people behave the way they do. I |
| spent my time in the school library. There | | | | looked for the answers. |
| was no home sweet home. | | | | |
| | | | I have developed the strength to persevere. |
| My mother could not take care of me. My | | | | But that is not enough. I want to become a |
| father took me away to live with his new | | | | survivor who is able to balance her life and |
| family. It did not work out. I was sent to a | | | | enjoy the abundance that the universe has to |
| welfare home. | | | | offer. |
| | | | |
| I did not deserve to be abandoned but I was | | | | I have decided to break myself free from the |
| helpless. I was mad with my father. I was not | | | | shackles of my fragile upbringing. I promise |
| angry with my mother but I just did not | | | | myself that I will not allow my past to |
| understand why she had to be sick. | | | | continue ruining my future. |