| I'm frequently approached by families to help them | | | | discover this as a possibility and see that their |
| "yank" their adult daughter or son out of an abusive | | | | circumstances do not support harmony, but promote |
| relationship. And they come to me wanting me to | | | | the very opposite, they say "no" to the abuse and |
| "do it" as they have attempted to "do it." That is by | | | | create a life without it. |
| trying to influence their adult child's choices in | | | | Psychotherapeutic change is always an inside job. |
| whatever way the parents are accustomed to doing | | | | And there are certain ingredients that are essential |
| so. | | | | for it to occur. There are specific ingredients that |
| While this does inspire the intervention, it is not what | | | | support long-standing authentic change. What are |
| makes the intervention successful. The only way to | | | | they? |
| help a person in an abusive relationship to see the | | | | The 3 keys to shining the light on domestic abuse |
| danger they live and to choose not to enable abuse | | | | There are three keys that are essential to helping |
| toward themselves is to "do it" from the inside out, | | | | another person to see the abuse in which they live |
| not from the outside in. | | | | and choose to end destructive, toxic relationships. |
| I don't really know the specific life choices the | | | | 1) Focus on the subtle communication and interaction |
| survivor/patient will make for themselves until he/she | | | | patterns: the subtle is as significant as the gross. |
| reveals it to me. It is never about getting the person | | | | 2) Suspend your judgment: your biases and |
| to see or do as I believe to be right; rather, it is | | | | judgments interfere with the other person seeing |
| about facilitating the person finding what's right for | | | | their truth. |
| them. | | | | 3) Guide them to hear their own inner voice: |
| And people love harmony and wholeness. Our | | | | authentic, lasting change comes from within. (This |
| psyches are charmed by it. So when patients | | | | key holds the gold for the survivor/patient. |