| A part of Divorce Recovery is recognizing what went | | | | tightly or standing menacingly in the abused person's |
| wrong and facing up to the realities of what part we | | | | face. |
| had in the divorce. PLEASE, no brickbats. This article | | | | If the abused still persists, the abuser may create a |
| is only to point out that we need to be aware of | | | | scenario whereby he/she can cause an argument |
| what is happening to us when we are being abused | | | | that seemingly does not have anything to do with |
| and how we can control it. | | | | the present situation. If they feel they are losing the |
| Sometimes controlling it is getting out of it... | | | | battle, they may resort to a physical beating. |
| Witnessing the results of abuse on clients of at a | | | | Of course it will be the fault of the abused. |
| Support Group proves that abuse is an insidious | | | | Their defense is: "See what you made me do? You |
| disease. Abuse comes in many forms. | | | | made me so mad I couldn't help myself. This is all |
| The typical abuser can be the church going, suit | | | | your fault, you made me so angry. Why won't you |
| wearing, smiling, "good guy or gal," who turns into the | | | | listen to me?" |
| evil monster, behind closed doors. Most others will | | | | The abused is bewildered by this change in |
| not suspect a thing. | | | | personality. They question their own self as to |
| Some abusers become the "victim" who need | | | | whether they could be at fault. They decide to give |
| constant attention and will use up their prey's time, | | | | in so as not to upset the other. This soon becomes a |
| space and air, all for the sake of making their own | | | | pattern that the abused abides by. "Keep peace. |
| self happier. | | | | Behave and you won't be hurt again," they console |
| Abusers methodically "train" their victims to follow | | | | themselves. |
| their every beck and call. They will gradually eliminate | | | | Of course the abuser is apologetic and professes his |
| friends and family members from the inner circle until | | | | her undying love for the other, and a limp apology is |
| there are just the two of them in the relationship. | | | | offered, but it, mind you, is still the fault of the |
| It is not just women who are abused. Women, also, | | | | abused. Eventually the pattern continues until the |
| can sometimes be the abusers, believe it or not. A | | | | abused accepts that they have a flaw and must |
| man who is abused will often be too embarrassed to | | | | keep it under control all of the time. Self-image slowly |
| admit he is abused. So it may go on for years before | | | | resolves into a shrinking violet. Their ability to make |
| he cries uncle. | | | | decisions, create a life of their own, just disappears. |
| Sometimes abusers have been known to manipulate | | | | A loss of spirit seems evident. Becoming a follower |
| the children out of the scene, convinced the "chosen" | | | | seems more convenient, more safe. Letting their |
| that the child would be better off with other family | | | | abusive partner make all of the decisions seems to |
| members or friends. The end goal is to have his/her | | | | keep the peace and so it is. |
| "beloved" all to himself/herself. Without any | | | | If the abused person finds some spunk and shows |
| diversions, the abused can devote all of his/her time | | | | any kind of individualism the abuser goes on the |
| to him/her. | | | | warpath again. More anger, more pain, more broken |
| Isolation is the key. | | | | bones, just to keep the abused in stride. |
| Sometimes the Abused do not know they are being | | | | Reporting the abuse to the authorities can either land |
| abused. They convince themselves it is so wonderful | | | | the abuser in jail for a short period of time until a |
| to be loved so dearly. | | | | court date is set up. The released abuser can either |
| As time wears on and they miss friends and loved | | | | sweet talk the abused to give up the pursuit of |
| ones, they may venture out to reconnect with them. | | | | freedom or they may even become more violent |
| The abuser will be make excuses and cause a running | | | | and "whip the person into shape" for good. |
| of interference, as a withholding factor. If that does | | | | If any of this sounds familiar to you, read the |
| not satisfy, Anger will result. That not working, the | | | | measures in MAKING THE BREAK FROM AN ABUSER |
| abuser will become physically forceful, like, holding too | | | | in order to protect your future. |