| I would bet that, more often than not, if you scratch | | | | behave, withdrawing all love and kindness because he |
| the surface of a case of elder abuse or neglect, you | | | | is not obeyed. Neglect can become a lifestyle. |
| will find a case of child abuse or neglect. Where does | | | | What about a child who only gets his parent's |
| a person learn to treat an elderly parent unkindly, if | | | | attention when he is bad? He has to act up to get |
| not from that very parent? By now we know for | | | | any contact at all. Think this is rare? Have you |
| sure: abuse begets abuse. The law defines acts of | | | | praised your kid lately? Are you demonstrating |
| abuse or neglect, as it must in order to prosecute | | | | respect and love or only demanding it? Children (and |
| them as crimes. As a society, we are becoming ever | | | | spouses) need love and attention the way a flower |
| more vigilant towards abuse and neglect within | | | | needs sunlight. They just don't thrive without it. And |
| families. And this is good. The weaker and more | | | | if your loved ones fail to thrive, you will be punished. |
| helpless need protection from the stronger and more | | | | They will learn to withhold from you as you have |
| ruthless, even in families. | | | | withheld from them. As they fail in life, you will feel |
| But there are forms of abuse and neglect that are | | | | like a failure. |
| harder to define which go unpunished by the | | | | Your children and your spouse are depending on you |
| authorities. We can't have the government policing | | | | to love them. Maybe they don't seem very lovable to |
| every aspect of a family's emotional life. That doesn't | | | | you. Maybe they don't appear to even want your |
| mean the deeds go entirely unpunished, though. | | | | love. Give it anyway, without reservation, control or |
| People in families punish each other with more cruelty | | | | criticism. Don't let anger, frustration or preoccupation |
| and imagination than the law allows. In some families | | | | interfere. As the Beatles said, "...and in the end, the |
| emotional abuse is routine. Think of the parent who | | | | love you take is equal to the love you make. |
| turns his back in anger on a teenager who won't | | | | |