| Borderline Personality Disorder is a serious and | | | | their problem behaviors. |
| misunderstood condition. Despite the fact that much | | | | In many families, abuse and neglect take place in |
| has been written about it, it remains a mystery to | | | | very subtle ways. Parents can be overly |
| many who encounter it. | | | | self-centered, resulting in the child feeling unimportant |
| I see BPD as a condition which results from significant | | | | or unlovable; they can demand emotional care-taking, |
| childhood trauma. Although not everyone who | | | | making the child feel responsible for their happiness; |
| suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder suffers | | | | they can have inappropriately high expectations, |
| from BPD, in my experience virtually everyone I've | | | | leading the child to feel incompetent and inadequate |
| encountered with BPD also suffers from PTSD. The | | | | or they can be overly-rigid and controlling, causing the |
| traumas these individuals experienced in early life | | | | child to feel helpless and overwhelmed. |
| have caused them to have debilitating symptoms. | | | | Children raised in families in which the parents give a |
| BPD sufferers are terrified of abandonment, but also | | | | lot of contradictory messages (whether overtly or |
| expect to be treated in the same way they were | | | | covertly) become angry, ambivalent and confused |
| while growing up. As a result, they frequently | | | | adults who are unsure of their own feelings and |
| provoke people to reject them in an unconscious | | | | perceptions. Many of these people turn their anger |
| attempt to deal with their fears: if rejection is | | | | inward against themselves. Some act out in rage and |
| inevitable, at least they can control when and how it | | | | despair. Some, if the messages were particularly |
| happens. | | | | crazy-making, fall into paranoia, dissociation or even |
| These individuals often have complicated, even | | | | psychotic episodes. |
| tormented relationships. They believe, deep down, | | | | Childhood trauma has a regressive effect on the |
| that they must have deserved the childhood abuse | | | | personality and prevents people them from |
| or neglect and therefore have tremendous | | | | developing psychologically into fully-functioning adults. |
| ambivalence around intimacy. They both want and | | | | They function more like lost children, behaving |
| fear love, convinced that it's associated with cruelty | | | | impulsively and irrationally; going to emotional |
| or rejection. | | | | extremes and vacillating between fury and |
| Because they feel like they're "bad" or "defective" | | | | desperation. |
| they engage in a lot of self-destructive behavior; | | | | They may be provocative, uncooperative and |
| some of which is a cry to be rescued. They also can | | | | challenging, and yet, what they need most is to |
| be very hurtful to others, unconsciously re-enacting | | | | know that they are safe, loved and understood. The |
| the dysfunctional interactions they grew up with. | | | | challenge for the therapist is to avoid playing into |
| Sadly, many people with BPD are seen more as | | | | their expectations of rejection and instead provide |
| "trouble-makers" than as deeply wounded individuals. | | | | these individuals with the stability, healthy boundaries |
| The trauma they experienced as children might be so | | | | and reassurance they've always needed. |
| subtle as to have gone unrecognized as the cause of | | | | |