| Battered women, who have not yet declared | | | | Couples therapy is based on a systems approach |
| themselves as domestic violence victims, but know | | | | wherein the goal of the therapy is to maintain the |
| that their partners are abusive, have many questions | | | | homeostasis of the system. This is done by |
| when it comes to therapy. | | | | spreading the responsibility for the dysfunction |
| Often they want to see a therapist with their | | | | between individuals across the system. |
| partner in hopes to remedy the marriage. However, | | | | The net result will be that you will be expected to |
| marital therapy is the worst thing they can do for | | | | assume responsibility for potions of the battering |
| their marriage and for themselves. Here's why... | | | | behavior. And this is what maintains the abuse |
| What You Can Expect from Your Partner in Marital | | | | dynamic-not what interrupts the dynamic. |
| Therapy | | | | Further, your partner's lack of ownership is given |
| 1) If your partner is charming, assertive, manipulative | | | | support and you can expect a continuation of his |
| and controlling, you can expect this is exactly how | | | | externalizing blame for his battering behavior. You |
| he* will be in therapy. | | | | may even see an escalation in his justifying his |
| 2) If he is effective in gaining the "trust" (at least | | | | actions by virtue of your behavior. And you can |
| initially) of people he engages, expect he will be | | | | expect an escalation in the intensity of abuse toward |
| effective doing the same here. | | | | yourself. |
| 3) If he is likable and convincing, expect him to exude | | | | Therapy for Couples in Abusive Relationships |
| the same likability with the therapist you see | | | | Where then does one turn if verbal and emotional |
| together with him. | | | | abuse are central issues in your relationship? Find a |
| What You Can Encounter from the Couples Therapist | | | | therapist knowledgeable in domestic abuse and |
| The marital therapist is a human being. And this | | | | therapeutic process to work with you on an individual |
| person can be influenced like any other human being. | | | | basis. Start by working in one-on-one therapy |
| Some are influenced inadvertently out of ignorance | | | | individually with this person first. |
| and some out of greed. | | | | Over time your partner may initiate individual therapy |
| They can be blindsided with the abuse dynamics in | | | | or not. The outcome of that therapy will be a |
| play because they are not trained to be aware of | | | | function of his motivation and commitment to the |
| these dynamics. Education in domestic abuse | | | | therapeutic process. Remember change is an inside |
| intervention is not part of a couple's therapist training. | | | | job and you can only change yourself, just as he is |
| Then there are some therapists who will side with | | | | the only one who can change him. |
| the paying partner (over the abused or over the | | | | *My reference to the pronoun he in this article is not |
| therapeutic process) simply to keep the therapy | | | | to imply that men are not victimized by their female |
| going, whether indicated or contra-indicated. | | | | domestic partners. |
| Damages of Marital Therapy for the Abused | | | | |