| A common theme for battered mothers in divorce | | | | battering maneuver...a control ploy. |
| proceedings is that they begin thinking they are | | | | I liken it to a coyote howling or a dog barking in the |
| holding the winning hand when it comes to domestic | | | | night. While that loud obnoxious noise can keep you |
| violence and child custody. They typically are | | | | stirring, you know on a deeper level that this is just |
| awarded temporary custody of their minor children | | | | what these animals do. |
| and may even have protective orders in place. | | | | Dogs bark and coyotes howl. And what we think, |
| Then, "out of the blue," the tide turns and their | | | | feel and do within the privacy of our own homes |
| children are pulled right from under them—handed | | | | about that makes absolutely no difference. Dogs |
| over to the custody of their father who is, more | | | | bark and coyotes howl. |
| often than not, an abuser. | | | | And did you know that abusers use healthcare |
| It's a devastating blow, like none other. Between the | | | | providers and police officers to establish false claims |
| heart-wrenching pain and the primitive rage, little | | | | against domestic violence survivors. I hope you heard |
| resources remain intact to make sense out of the | | | | me, because this fact is as true as the one about |
| unconscionable. | | | | dogs and coyotes. |
| How Did This Happen? | | | | What TO DO If This Is You |
| The legal maneuver that yielded their unfortunate | | | | If you are the battered mother in this story, realize |
| circumstance is also beyond comprehension. | | | | that your anger and sadness will not get your kids |
| Frequently it involves a legal psychiatric ploy of | | | | back into your arms, into your house or into your life. |
| establishing that the mother has a severe personality | | | | However, if you get smart and busy, instead of |
| disorder. | | | | remaining angry and sad, you will increase your |
| But, even this is disturbing. A personality disorder, in | | | | likelihood of turning the tide. |
| and of itself, is not grounds to prohibit a parent free | | | | So how does one do that under the influence of a |
| access to their minor children and vise-a-versa. So, | | | | devastating crash? How do you take your hurricane |
| one must go deeper to understand what exactly is in | | | | Katrina and let it carve the path to your hope? |
| play here. | | | | First and foremost, truly understand that batterers |
| The abuser (most often a man in this particular | | | | use the system to establish false claims about the |
| situation) and his legal team have diligently worked to | | | | victims they seek to control. And in this genuine |
| manipulate the psychiatric and psychological | | | | understanding, you will see that all of this is NOT |
| healthcare providers/evaluators into establishing false | | | | about you. Rather, it is merely what abusers do |
| claims about the mother in order to jockey custody. | | | | when given the opportunity and means to enlist the |
| And sadly, these claims are often untrue. | | | | system in their campaign. |
| What NOT TO DO If This Is You | | | | Now with this understanding, you can march onward |
| Now each situation is different, granted, but there | | | | and get smart and busy. First, you will want to learn |
| are some common themes applicable to all people in | | | | everything you can about "legal psychiatric abuse" |
| this predicament. | | | | and crazy-making in divorce. Then, you will want to |
| 1) You maybe angry, but don't stay angry. | | | | find a credible professional to help you campaign your |
| 2) You maybe sad, but don't lose yourself in your | | | | plight toward realizing your truth for the safety of |
| despair. | | | | you and your children. |
| 3) See the legal psychiatric ploy for what it is—a | | | | |