| I often hear domestic violence survivors complain | | | | kind of therapy for domestic violence. Marital and |
| that the counselor they are seeing with their partner | | | | couples therapy is actually contra-indicated for |
| has sided with him/her. These victims expected to | | | | domestic abuse. It's more likely to exacerbate |
| seek therapeutic remedy for the dysfunction that | | | | intimate partner violence. |
| they live, and they discover they have gained | | | | 6) Find a therapist, who has expertise in domestic |
| another "enemy." Here are some things you will want | | | | violence intervention, to work with you individually. |
| to know if you are going to a therapist with your | | | | And encourage your partner to seek individual |
| partner for domestic abuse. | | | | therapy if he/she is willing. If he/she does (which is |
| 1) Expect the therapy to be fertile ground for a | | | | not likely), request that your two individual therapists |
| continuation of what you experience in the privacy | | | | interact from time to time. |
| of your own home. | | | | There are as many ways to impact change in a |
| 2) Anticipate that when you return home, the | | | | dysfunctional relationship as there are dysfunctional |
| dynamics that you sought help for have solidified. | | | | relationships. One thing is for sure: marital and couples |
| That's right you heard me: the abuse dynamic is | | | | therapy is not appropriate for domestic abuse. |
| stronger, bigger...you might even say, "more in your | | | | You see marital therapy is based on a "systems" |
| face." | | | | approach. And the goal of the system is to maintain |
| 3) Expect that when push comes to shove, the | | | | its homeostasis (that is, its balance). To this end, the |
| therapist will most likely be singing the abuser's song, | | | | responsibility for the dysfunctional dynamics within |
| and you will feel like you have two enemies. | | | | the system is spread equally across the system. |
| 4) Know AND trust it's not about you. An open ear | | | | However, this is what solidifies the abuse dynamic. |
| gravitates to the louder, more domineering voice. | | | | Suffice it to say, marital therapy and couples |
| And when it comes to abusive relationships, we all | | | | counseling is not the right therapy for your problem. |
| know which partner will have the more convincing | | | | The sooner you find the appropriate type of |
| voice, no matter how compelling the victim's story. | | | | intervention and the right therapist for yourself, the |
| 5) As soon as you are willing to take responsibility for | | | | sooner you will be on your way to safety and peace |
| your error in choosing this type of therapist/therapy, | | | | in your life. |
| request termination. You see, you are in the wrong | | | | |