| Did you know you can spot a victim of domestic | | | | believe that to get it they must give you what you |
| abuse without even hearing about her/his abusive | | | | want even if it is contrary to what they truly intend |
| relationship? | | | | and authentically want for themselves. |
| When you live in an abusive relationship, you develop | | | | The other subtle communication that I observe, with |
| interaction and communication patterns that you | | | | this type of person, is the flip side of "when 'yes' |
| carry with you in other relationships. | | | | means 'not really'." I call it: "when 'no' means 'maybe'." |
| I see this with my patients. In psychology, we call it | | | | It's classic victimization dialogue wherein the person |
| "transference." | | | | wishing to set a boundary for themselves knows |
| Transference refers to the projection of the | | | | they will be challenged. They expect their boundaries |
| patient's psychological world unto you while in the role | | | | not to be honored and respected by others. They |
| of their therapist. This can consist of unconscious | | | | may even feel an undertone of anxiety at the |
| habits, needs, desires, expectations, beliefs, etc. | | | | prospect of holding their own, because doing so is |
| The transference offers a wealth of opportunity for | | | | tied to conflict -- combat -- assault. |
| psychotherapeutic process. It is a window into | | | | If you are a survivor of domestic abuse, you will |
| understanding and helping your patient. | | | | want to recognize these interaction and |
| Domestic Abuse Survivor Communication | | | | communication patterns within yourself. As you do, |
| With domestic abuse survivors, I often see two | | | | you will awaken to what maintains this inauthentic |
| patterns of interaction and communication that alert | | | | and dysfunctional pattern of interacting with oneself |
| me to the fact of this person's potential prior or | | | | and others. And moreover, you will open to |
| current victimization. | | | | discovering more honest and fulfilling ways of being |
| One is, when "yes" means "not really." Abuse victims | | | | with yourself and with others. |
| want your approval and acceptance. And they often | | | | |