| Have you ever noticed how some people will go out | | | | opening up to having these needs met may net you |
| of their way to avoid telling you what they want? | | | | a kick in the teeth. |
| And when you least expect it, they lift the veil to | | | | Unveiling Your Wants and Needs |
| reveal their desires. | | | | When domestic violence survivors become aware of |
| If you are one of these people, you know what I'm | | | | their habit of throwing a deaf ear to their innermost |
| talking about. I see this characteristic all too often, | | | | needs and desires, a shift occurs in which they |
| and it is typical of domestic abuse survivors. | | | | authentically reconnect with themselves. |
| Concealing Your Wants and Needs | | | | They become more in tune with their personal |
| People who are victimized in abusive relationships | | | | longings. And from here, they can cultivate the skills |
| have become conditioned to conceal "what they | | | | of having their needs and fulfillment brought into the |
| want" at all cost. Why? Because revealing what they | | | | relationship equation. |
| want has been systematically tied to a price-a | | | | Once done, they come to see the relationship as an |
| negative personal consequence. | | | | entity nourishing them as much as an entity that |
| Your life in your abusive relationship is all about your | | | | feeds the other. Balance is apparent and is the |
| partner: his needs, his wants, his preferences. (Mind | | | | foundation for continued enrichment in the |
| you, this "he" could also very well be a "she.") And | | | | relationship. |
| you have developed expertise in serving up | | | | Of course you must realize that it will take two to |
| accordingly. | | | | tango in this fashion. So, for the success I highlight |
| Catering to your partner's wants and needs is part of | | | | here to actually evolve with your current partner, |
| the package. You both have come to see your | | | | BOTH parties in the relationship must change |
| partner's desires as the relationship's top priority. | | | | supportively and accordingly. |
| Now, I don't think domestic violence survivors truly | | | | Your partner must progress through a corresponding |
| believe that their partners walk on air. But they have | | | | transformation of honoring the other as they do |
| become accustomed to contributing to keeping these | | | | themselves. And ultimately, this partner can grow to |
| folks on the thrown of entitlement. While in the | | | | enjoy meeting your needs as they do their own. |
| relationship, it appears to be the least "costly" course | | | | If you recognize the dynamics described herein, seek |
| of action to take. | | | | to find a domestic abuse treatment regimen that |
| And for themselves, let's face it, not only do your | | | | helps both the perpetrator and the victim. It's the |
| needs come last but filling them often comes with | | | | only way to break the cycle of domestic abuse and |
| punishment. That is, your price for merely | | | | save your current relationship. |
| acknowledging what you need, expressing it and | | | | |