Domestic Violence - Why?

This is about domestic violence. I would love to sayWay, who ran a local women's shelter. The lead
I'm writing about how things have changed since Icounselor and three women agreed to do the show.
was fresh out of journalism school, but that isAll had children, all had had broken bones and
unfortunately not true.shattered egos. They had been in the shelter two
After watching a re-airing of a documentary, I wasmonths. One had completed the program, was
reminded about my early radio broadcasting careerdivorcing her husband, and had not only found a job
and the public affairs programming I had done onbut rented an apartment. She sounded strong and
alcoholics who abuse their families when drunk anddetermined to succeed in raising her 2 children in a
another on women who escaped to a United Wayloving, non-violent home. One of the other women
shelter.was scared about being alone with her children. Since
Carolyn Thomas is a woman who wound up losing 2she wasn't married to her abuser, the United Way
3's of her face when her live in boyfriend came homewas trying to relocate her and her child and were
drunk and killed her mother and then shot Carolyn soextending her stay to try and provide her with a
that the bullet shattered her right eye, tore off herbetter feeling of self-confidence. The third woman
nose and her upper jaw. Somehow she survived butsounded as if she was not going to make it. Truly.
it took her and her medical team over 2 years, a halfThe counselor said that at this point in the program,
dozen major reconstructing surgeries and severalthey were seeing about a 50% success rate. She
grueling sessions with various prosthetic geniuses towasn't happy with this, but admitted that more often
put her back together. Carolyn's goal was to "stopthan not-most women returned to their abusive
being someone people are scared of and becomemates within 6 months of leaving the shelter.
someone they can see as being a survivor".Hopefully that has changed since I did that show in
And she is a survivor-nowadays she speaks1980.
wherever and whenever she can on the importanceSeveral years later, now I was a stay-at-home mom
of helping women get away from abusive mates andof two and we were preparing to move. The usual
of her horrendous ordeal.clean-up had begun. When I realized all the baby and
At the first radio station I worked at in Bakersfield,toddler clothes I had (and in excellent condition), toys
CA I interviewed a lady who, due to her husband'sthat my kids had outgrown and even our high chair, a
drinking, suffered years of verbal abuse. Fortunately,crib and a couple of car seats, I knew exactly what
she found Alanon and they helped her leave andto do.
start her life over before the abuse turned physical.I had Sarah and Adam help me clean, sort and box
She credited her ability to leave and have her ownup everything. Then I called my local United Way and
recovery to her personal faith and the wonderfulasked where I could drop off a donation to the
counselors at Alanon.nearest women's shelter. Much to my surprise-they
Coming from a home that was loving andgave me directions to the actual home. I called and
considerate, it was hard for me to imagine anyoneasked when the best time would be. The counselor
staying in a relationship such as this-but after talkinggushed her appreciation and said "Please, our
to the Alanon counselor I could better understandresidents can use anything and everything, would
how someone who is bigger, stronger and yournow be too soon?"
financial support could beat your self-esteem downI put my kids into the car with our boxes. While
to this level.driving I explained about where we were going and
After this documentary-I discussed the subject withwhy this was were their old things would do the
my parents. My mother pointed out that her fathermost good. They couldn't imagine dads who hurt little
was indeed a prime example of a verbal abuser. Wekids or hit mommies. They were a bit frightened.
all had estranged ourselves from my father's motherThey were just about to turn 5 and 7. I told them
for the same reason. So even though I had neverthis was usually called a "safe house" and it was a
been physically touched by either one, I too was justsecret to keep all the moms, kids and helpers free
as much a victim of their horrible treatment.from worry.
A year or so later, I moved on to a major marketWhen I parked-several women greeted us and kept
radio station (it was outside of Los Angeles). Duringthanking us for all we were doing. They helped us
my reign as afternoon news anchor and public affairsbring in all "the goodies". They were amazed that we
person I decided to produce a documentary aboutwere giving them so much.
women who had not only escaped, but what theyAt that moment, I really wished I had been able to
did to move past the abuse. I contacted the Unitedgive more.