| I am sitting here late at night watching Addicted, | | | | confrontations with us on a normal basis. I remember |
| trying to figure out where these parents might have | | | | many nights hugging my Bible asking God to just |
| gone wrong or where might they have prevented | | | | make it all stop as the screaming was getting louder |
| the issues their children face. Yes, sometimes there is | | | | and louder from my brothers room. Soon a physical |
| absolutely nothing they could have done, other times | | | | fight would begin and I would worry about my little |
| I see that it is a broken home, molestation, abuse, | | | | brother. Though, again, I would not take a day back. |
| death, etc. I think about my 2 small children and try | | | | It made me who I am. |
| everything I can to not let them ever become a | | | | Then I went into a horrible, abusive marriage; never |
| statistic. I want them healthy, happy, and productive | | | | physical, always emotional. Of course, he would never |
| in life. I think about my own life. | | | | admit it, but it was really bad on me. I still have |
| I am the product of a broken home. I have divorced | | | | issues that I try to overcome every day. But, again, |
| and remarried parents. My father has been remarried | | | | I would not take it back. It makes me a better wife |
| about 4 times. Not sure, I lost count. I know he has | | | | to my husband now who treats me like a Queen. I |
| been engaged more than he has been married. Some | | | | appreciate him that much more and he appreciates |
| I have not liked so much, the one he is with now, I | | | | who I am as well as the things I do. He loves me for |
| adore. If they quit smoking, I will adore her even | | | | who I am which would not be here if it were not for |
| more. Ha. She is really great and I finally have | | | | my past. |
| someone that I feel like I can call my step-mom. | | | | Now how can you be a survivor rather than a victim? |
| Funny I can say that at 31. | | | | If you cannot find a reason why you are going |
| My home was not so great growing up. I lived with | | | | through what you are and cannot figure out anything |
| my mom and step-father and most would say that I | | | | that you can use this experience for, you can know |
| was in an abusive home. I was definitely not happy | | | | this. Some day you will come across someone else |
| but never thought I was abused. Just in trouble a lot. | | | | who is going through something similar if not the |
| Looking back, yea, it was abusive. But just like I tell | | | | exact same situation. You can give them advice, |
| everyone I meet, I would not take a day of it back | | | | comfort, and hope. I don't know about you but that |
| for anything because it made me the woman I am | | | | is all I need. It means the world. |
| today. | | | | CONTROL. Oh, how I see that this is the issue with |
| The reason I write this article is because I want to | | | | so many. Either you are out of control, need control, |
| tell others how to be a SURVIVOR rather than a | | | | or are losing control. I hate to say this but GET |
| victim. One thing I see in common when looking at | | | | OVER IT. You never had it in the first place and you |
| these "addicts," and please understand that I know | | | | never will. Anyone who thinks that they are in control |
| they have a problem, my father is a recovered | | | | of their lives is a fool. The moment you think you |
| addict, is that they blame the world for their situation | | | | have control over your life, talk to someone who is |
| rather than themselves. My father wasn't there, I | | | | dealing with taking care of children, a home, and a |
| was abused, I had it all and it fell apart, I was used | | | | business after losing their spouse. Life will not allow |
| to being on top of the world and it didn't work out, I | | | | you control. There is no such thing. Control is an |
| couldn't meet everyone's expectations. Oh my | | | | illusion that you should NEVER buy into. As a Christian, |
| goodness. I want to just smack them in the face; or | | | | I know who is in control. If you are not a Christian, |
| at least their parents, who let them talk to them like | | | | at least know this, you are not the one with control. |
| they are the ones ruining their lives. They could have | | | | Anyone, Christian or not, can use simple logic to |
| used the Supernanny. | | | | know this. Learn to deal with the situations that you |
| I lost my brother when he was 23. He had an alcohol | | | | have been given in your life rather than trying to |
| problem and late one night in a drunken stupor | | | | direct them yourself. Be measured by your reactions |
| decided to put an electrical cord around his neck and | | | | rather than your possessions. |
| take his own life. He did not go through with the act. | | | | Be a SURVIVOR! Know that you can make a |
| Instead, he passed out from the alcohol while the | | | | difference through your pain. Know that there is |
| cord was around his neck. Because he was so drunk, | | | | someone you can help. Know there is a baby out |
| he did not wake when it cut off his airway and he | | | | there who can use your love. Know that there is a |
| died. He was my baby brother and the only sibling I | | | | father in your shoes. Know that there is another |
| had. I miss him more than I can make anyone | | | | mother crying for her child just like you are. Know |
| understand. We went through that abusive household | | | | that there is another business owner, just like you, |
| together; side by side. When we were little, I used | | | | feeling out of control. Know that there is and have |
| to talk him into getting on my back in the morning | | | | been other kids counting the days until they are old |
| and take him into the kitchen for breakfast so my | | | | enough to escape their home. We have been there. |
| mom would not get mad at him for not waking up, | | | | You will make it and you CAN become an |
| which would inevitably start a fight. I miss my little | | | | extraordinary person because of it. If you let the |
| brother. He had the most beautiful blue eyes you | | | | experience better you rather than hurt you. Be a |
| ever saw. I would tell him all the time that he could | | | | survivor and a hero rather than a victim or casualty. |
| do anything. He thought that he wasn't as smart as I | | | | Parents, please stop bailing out your children. Know |
| was or could do the things that I could. I told him, | | | | that the more that you do, the more you are hurting |
| "Dan. We lived in the same house and went through | | | | them. I know. I have children and it would kill me to |
| the same things. You are just as smart as I am. I | | | | not help them when they are crying on the phone |
| know that you can do everything that I have done if | | | | begging for my help. But that is when you have to |
| you will just decide to do it." He just never believed | | | | be the parent rather than their friend. Sorry, but that |
| in himself and my parents and grandparents would | | | | is the choice you made when you had them. It killed |
| bail him out of every situation he was ever in. He | | | | me to tell my brother no when he said he would live |
| knew better than to ask me for money because he | | | | in his car because he didn't have money. I couldn't |
| would get the third degree and then wouldn't get a | | | | give it to him because I knew it would go to drugs |
| dime. Though he would call me any time he was | | | | or alcohol rather than to a place to live. My answer |
| proud of something just to hear me say "I am so | | | | had to be no. It will never be enough and this will |
| proud of you. Go for it because I know you can do | | | | NEVER be the last time. |
| it." Oh how I miss him. My son reminds me of him so | | | | How am I a survivor? Because I chose to be. We all |
| much and I want to be sure that he doesn't end up | | | | choose to be the people we are. At some point in |
| the same way. | | | | life, we chose our path. I chose to be a survivor. |
| My father left when I was in about in the 6th grade. | | | | After I divorced my ex-husband, I found myself. I |
| I remember him driving away the day he left and | | | | felt like Julia Roberts in Run Away Bride choosing |
| went 3 states away from us. I couldn't understand | | | | different plates of eggs. I really had to figure out |
| him choosing this other woman over us. Danny...well it | | | | what I wanted to eat for dinner, what I wanted to |
| tore him apart and I don't think he ever really | | | | do on a Saturday, what colors I wanted in my |
| understood it. My father and I still have a bit of a | | | | bedroom. I found that I enjoyed treating myself to |
| weird relationship. I adore him and always will though | | | | fresh flowers every week. It was a little gift to |
| it is a very distant relationship. I don't see him much. | | | | myself and was nice. It is the most proud moment I |
| It's just the way it is. I deal and I will just try to help | | | | have in my life. I love my children, but finding myself |
| my children to deal with it as best I can. | | | | was my best accomplishment because I can help |
| My step father came in to my life and all hell broke | | | | them find themselves through that experience. Chose |
| loose. He was nothing like my parents. He was | | | | your life. Chose to make a difference, if anything, in |
| military and all that came with it. He would dig through | | | | your children's lives or your spouse. They can change |
| the trash to see what we had eaten which was | | | | the world and you can be that backbone if you like, |
| always the wrong thing and would get in physical | | | | just choose. |