| There are countless numbers of victims who have | | | | begin to see themselves as not just survivors but |
| experienced some type of narcissistic abuse who | | | | thrivers. I teach them to find the good in their |
| come to my Website each day for support and | | | | situation even if the good is learning to say "no |
| understanding. There is a pain that runs so deep one | | | | more!" When one says "NO" to abuse, it is a big step; |
| can hardly conceive of it unless they, themselves, | | | | one to be celebrated. I approach recovery from a |
| have gone through such a horror. | | | | metaphysical perspective teaching my clients to look |
| The Mayo Clinic says Narcissistic personality disorder | | | | for the "higher purpose" for their relationship with the |
| is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated | | | | narcissist. In a sense the narcissist is a catalyst for |
| sense of their own importance and a deep need for | | | | change, creating a situation that completely erodes |
| admiration. They believe that they're superior to | | | | ones self-esteem forcing the "former victim" to find |
| others and have little regard for other people's | | | | herself in the aftermath of the storm. She must pick |
| feelings. But behind this mask of ultra-confidence lies | | | | up all the pieces and reassemble them, but in a whole |
| a fragile self-esteem, vulnerable to the slightest | | | | new way. She gets to choose how she wants those |
| criticism. | | | | pieces to come back together. |
| Those who are effected the deepest are those who | | | | Seeing oneself as a victim keeps one from ever |
| have formed the closest bonds with the narcissistic | | | | really becoming empowered. When we can look at |
| personality. The closer one gets, the deeper the risk | | | | our situation and see that we played a part in |
| for the narcissist of being found out. He projects his | | | | creating it and we can play a bigger part in creating a |
| wounded self onto the ones who love him the most | | | | much better life, we don't feel so powerless. We |
| and punishes them for exposing his weaknesses. The | | | | can't take responsibility for the narcissist or his |
| punishment can be seen as cold, aloof, distant, lashing | | | | behavior but we can certainly take responsibility for |
| out, criticizing, condemning, belittling, undermining and | | | | just how much we allow it to destroy us. In fact we |
| more. Although this charmer may be sugar sweet in | | | | can make the decision today that it will no longer |
| public, behind closed doors he can be a monster. | | | | have the power to destroy us, regardless of the |
| The greatest sign one is in a narcissistic relationship is | | | | circumstances. His power isn't real! It is illusionary! |
| the confusion. The victim is often very confused as | | | | It is important for us to take our own inventory to |
| to what is really happening and will even take | | | | see where are strengths are and also our |
| personal responsibility for the insanity. Narcissism is | | | | weaknesses. Knowing who we are on a deeper level |
| seldom obvious, but always destructive. It is a | | | | serves as ammunition to prevent further abuse. It |
| destructive force in the universe seducing and | | | | also helps us to realize that all those things our |
| destroying everything in its immediate path. | | | | abuser said about us were not really true. It was |
| Those recovering from narcissistic abuse envy the | | | | simply a projection. As we take note of our |
| seduction stage. They remember how sweet it was | | | | strengths we can call upon them to help us build a |
| and long for those times when they still had faith in | | | | narcissism free life. |
| the relationship. Now the faith is gone, the narcissism | | | | Sometimes it takes a great storm to facilitate our |
| is in its full blown glory and there is no escaping the | | | | awakening. We can thank the narcissist for playing |
| vengeance of this maddening disorder as the | | | | the role of this storm that activated our deepest |
| narcissist does everything within his power to make | | | | insecurities and exposed our greatest vulnerabilites. |
| his partner or former partner pay for his pain. | | | | Now we have the opportunity to strengthen a |
| When victims have enough of the payback, they run | | | | formerly weak and fragile area. We have an |
| for cover and seek help to get the narcissism out of | | | | opportunity to enforce our boundaries and re-define |
| their lives once and for all. | | | | ourselves. Life can become better than it ever was |
| As sick as this situation is, I encourage victims of | | | | as a result of our newly defined self! We can move |
| narcissistic abuse to shuck their victim status and | | | | beyond narcissism and not only survive, but thrive! |