| If someone were to walk up to you and slam you in | | | | The ability to directly and honestly communicate with |
| the face, it would be obvious to all who witnessed | | | | another is a life skill that sometimes takes a lifetime |
| the attack and even to you, that you had been a | | | | to learn. Sadly many of us have been conditioned |
| victim of abuse. As the welt on your face began to | | | | since childhood to find alternative ways to get our |
| swell, others would more likely than not offer you | | | | emotional and psychological needs met. As children |
| their empathy, quick to rise to your defense. In your | | | | we learn to whine, yell, guilt and even sulk to get our |
| mind would be no doubt that you had in fact been | | | | way. Unfortunately many adults never move past |
| abused. Like a simple math equation, you would | | | | these forms of communication, and instead revert to |
| simply know this to be true. | | | | them when faced with a situation or person they |
| However, when in the case of emotional abuse, the | | | | cannot control. |
| obvious is not as apparent as the big red bruise on | | | | The goal is to learn to first be honest with ones self. |
| your face. In fact, when we are being emotionally | | | | If you use these immature tactics to get your needs |
| abused there is no evidence to others; no welt to | | | | met or to simply get your way, accept it and then |
| point to. Emotional abuse takes place behind closed | | | | change the way you relate to others and your self. |
| doors and on the playgrounds of our minds. There | | | | If you find others using these types of techniques on |
| are no witnesses, no bumps or bruises to point to. | | | | you, you do them and the world a huge favor by |
| Emotional abuse is used as a manipulative tool by | | | | pointing it out so that they might have a chance to |
| others to gain control over our actions, thoughts and | | | | grow as well. |
| feelings. Sometimes the abuse is obvious like when | | | | In some serious cases, the abuser we are involved |
| we are being called filthy names, or are being | | | | with does not want to change. And as we continue |
| dehumanized with violent words. But sometimes the | | | | to want more from ourselves we expect more from |
| abuse is more insidious than that. Sometimes the | | | | others. |
| weapons used are masked in what seems to be | | | | As one of the two players involved begins to wake |
| harmlessness. | | | | up, the gap between the two involved grows wider, |
| Guilt is a form of emotional blackmail used by | | | | as one stays stuck and the other refuses to not |
| manipulative personalities in an effort to gain control | | | | move forward. When this gap begins to widen, |
| over another. Manipulators tend to use phrases like, | | | | havoc begins to appear. Because the rules by which |
| "you should have...how could you...what were you | | | | the two have been living are changing, fear of the |
| thinking...what about me....you should never have...I | | | | unknown often brings to the surface anxiety and |
| would have never done that", and so on. Their intent | | | | anger. |
| is not aimed at clearing the air between he and the | | | | I am an emotional abuse survivor and know this |
| person he is dealing with. Instead his intent is to | | | | scenario all too personally. I am here to inspire those |
| cause the person he is dealing with to doubt their | | | | going through what I did by telling my truth. It gets |
| own feelings. | | | | better. It always gets worse before it gets better, |
| There are various forms of emotional abuse. They | | | | but it does get better. |
| range from blatant violent language, to the use of | | | | The road home starts with you. One dose of self |
| guilt as a weapon and also might include withdrawing | | | | awareness at a time. Eventually the lights in your |
| techniques. In most situations it would seem that the | | | | mind turn on and the boundaries that have been |
| person who is doing the most talking in a | | | | crossed begin to get clear. In time learning to hold |
| conversation is the one controlling it. But not always. | | | | onto ones self gets easier. |
| In some cases it is the quiet one who is using a shut | | | | If you are the victim of emotional abuse or if you |
| down and take the ball home technique called | | | | emotionally abuse others, life can change. But if you |
| withdrawing that is attempting to manipulate the | | | | can't see it, you can't change it. My hope is that by |
| other. | | | | spreading the word, true change is possible for us all. |