| We hear about domestic abuse survivors' boundary | | | | From the outside looking in, you appear to have no |
| issues as though this is what got them in the abusive | | | | preferences, no opinions, no anything that could rock |
| relationship. Well, maybe it did. However, it's also true | | | | the boat. You project being a smooth sailor. Your |
| that their progressive dismantling of their personal | | | | family may even know you as the "peacemaker." |
| boundaries is what keeps them safe while living in an | | | | And all of this looks admirable. |
| abusive relationship. | | | | But in the quiet moments of your day, you can't find |
| If you are in an abusive relationship, you probably | | | | yourself...you are disconnected from your |
| know what I mean. Now it may not necessarily be | | | | essence...and in that separation you experience |
| something that you are conscious of, but I trust you | | | | yourself as lost. |
| are aware of the fact that if you say "no," to | | | | What came first: the woman with boundary issues or |
| something your batterer wants, there will be | | | | the environment that shattered them? I'm not sure |
| consequences...emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical | | | | there is an answer to this question. Each case, each |
| abuse. | | | | abusive relationship, each domestic violence survivor |
| Domestic Abuse Without Boundaries | | | | brings their own unique personality and circumstances |
| The more willing you are to let go of and live without | | | | to the table. |
| your own personal preferences, the less conflict | | | | What we can say with great certainty is that |
| between you and your partner...or so it may seem. | | | | assertiveness and domestic violence can't live in the |
| You grow to realize that when you assert your | | | | same house. Why? Because the essence of each is |
| desires, there is a price. | | | | the antithesis of the other. |
| Over time, the payoff is clear. In the short run, life | | | | Healing the Boundary Issues of Domestic Abuse |
| appears easier...yet over the long haul, you build walls | | | | If you recognize yourself in this article and long for |
| between you and YOU. Your interests, your wishes | | | | living who and what you are— either with or |
| and your innermost desires fade into the background. | | | | without your partner—seek to know yourself |
| And you assume the preferences of you partner. | | | | from the inside out over the outside in. |
| Now, you may tell yourself that you do this because | | | | With this inner awareness, you can bring yourself into |
| he is the "man of the house" and the "captain of the | | | | relationships through which you can discover more |
| ship." Your religious faith and social cultural norms | | | | and more of who and what you are. And in so doing, |
| indeed support this. | | | | you will heal from physical, verbal and emotional |
| The Domestic Violence Survivor's Lost Soul | | | | abuse. |