| Now here's a tricky topic if I ever heard one. How | | | | healthy life. Start by setting some personal |
| can you, a person outside of your loved one's | | | | boundaries to help you deal with your beloved abuse |
| abusive relationship, help her in any way? | | | | victim. After you've insulated yourself from the |
| Is it possible to make her abuser behave differently? | | | | negative energies created by abuse, then think about |
| Nope. Is it possible to get her out of that situation?! | | | | other ways you can help without drawing the abuse |
| Not without her consent. Is it possible to convince | | | | to you. |
| her she's being abused? Maybe, but until she's | | | | Second, Help The Victim |
| unwilling to put up with it anymore, she is willing to | | | | Listen to her vent without offering solutions. This will |
| live with it and must therefore live with the | | | | be hard. You will want to tell her what to do because |
| consequences of her decision. | | | | she seems so confused, ill-informed, or lost. Keep |
| As you're probably already aware, sometimes she | | | | your mouth shut. That's what listening means. |
| knows and says that there's something wrong. | | | | Tell her you think she's being abused. Give her a |
| Sometimes she'll even want to leave her abuser and | | | | pamphlet or show her a web site. Tell her you're |
| come to you for help. But how many times has she | | | | concerned, be honest about your fears. Don't argue |
| asked for your help and then turned it down at the | | | | with her if she says you're crazy. Just smile and say, |
| last minute? Or done what you've advised but come | | | | "Maybe I am." |
| back angry at YOU for suggesting it? Or made an | | | | Keep the number for domestic abuse hotlines handy. |
| excuse for her abuser saying that you can't possibly | | | | You can call the hotline to get answers to help you |
| understand how much he loves her or she loves him? | | | | deal with her situation, to vent about how helpless or |
| Remember that the only one who can end the abuse | | | | angry you feel, and to speak to someone who really |
| is the victim of the abuse. You cannot help her with | | | | knows what they're talking about when it comes to |
| that in any way. She must do it for herself. | | | | abusive situation. You could also call for her if she |
| First, Take Care of Yourself! | | | | comes over and doesn't know what to do. |
| Helping an abuse victim can be hazardous to your | | | | If she devises her own plan to deal with abuse, then |
| own health. The more often you "help", the more | | | | help if she asks. Help if and only if you're willing to do |
| frequently she returns. The more often she returns, | | | | what she's asking you to do! Don't say you will but |
| the more helpless and even used you may feel. | | | | harbor resentment for it. If you think you'll be |
| Sometimes by helping the victim of abuse, you invite | | | | resentful, tell her no, but help her to find a different |
| her abuser into your life. Do you want to deal with an | | | | solution if you want. |
| abuser in your life?! We abuse victims do not | | | | Do your very best not to judge her. She is not |
| intentionally take advantage of those of you who | | | | stupid or insane; if anything, she may be |
| love us and want to help us. But it happens. How | | | | "brainwashed" by her abuser and/or suffer under the |
| many times have you felt used by the victim you're | | | | cumulative side-effects of abuse. As much as she |
| trying to help? | | | | believes you, she disbelieves in herself. There is a |
| The best thing you can do for an abuse victim is | | | | way out, but she has to be the one to start looking |
| take care of yourself. Make sure you are leading a | | | | for it. |