| "When I discover who I am, I'll be free" - Ralph Ellison | | | | True and Real self. |
| "Identification" or "identity" is one way we use to | | | | The point? |
| define who we are. Either historically, or in the | | | | When we came into the world we came in without |
| present moment, we come to view ourselves in | | | | any "identity" so to speak; we were a "tabla rosa", a |
| some way, shape or form that identify "who I am." | | | | clean slate. In that state, we were free, light, natural, |
| Identity can take the form of an image, an | | | | easy, relaxed, simple (in the positive sense). This |
| impression, an emotion or feeling, or a body | | | | state, called presence, is still within us, still accessible. |
| sensation and make it one of the many building | | | | In a state of presence, we need no mental |
| blocks that define "me." Forms of identity that we | | | | operations to create "who I am", i.e., we need no |
| took on early in life or create in the present moment | | | | identifications. We just are. I am! |
| might include: I am a strong man; I am an optimist; I | | | | In this state of presence we have no need to |
| am an extrovert; I am a spiritual person; I am a | | | | "identify". We have a sense of confidence, |
| happy person; I am a fearful person; I am a worrier; | | | | groundedness and surety. However, when we let go |
| I am a manager; I am a parent, etc. | | | | of this state, when in the throes of stress, conflict, |
| When we speak about "identity" what we are saying | | | | overwhelm, or confusion, we forget who we are and |
| is that I AM this quality or image, even if I am not | | | | then sense the need to grasp on to an "identity" to |
| consciously aware of this quality or image in the | | | | make me feel safe. |
| moment, even if I am not speaking this to myself in | | | | When we don't trust our True and Real self, when |
| the moment. It's a "given". This quality or image is | | | | we stray from the Essence of who we were when |
| part of the fabric of who I take myself to be, i.e., | | | | we came into this existence, our reactive inclination is |
| who I am. We believe it is True - with a capital T. | | | | to grab on to an image or identity of "who I am" and |
| For example, let's use how we might identify with an | | | | then shove this identity on to others to show them |
| emotion, anger. If I am identified with my anger (I | | | | "I am (this or that)" - a need to be seen as this or |
| am an angry person...quietly angry, usually seething, or | | | | that. In this place, we are not be-ing, we are not |
| overtly angry, usually very vocal in my anger...as a | | | | authentic, and we are not trusting of our Essential |
| general way of being), then my response to a | | | | nature. |
| person, event or circumstance that I am experiencing | | | | How to disidentify |
| says in some way, "I want to be angry," or "I need | | | | When we see that we are caught up in an identity, |
| to be angry", or "I can justify my anger" or "I have a | | | | we can begin the process of letting go of it, not by |
| right to be angry", etc. and then proceed to act out | | | | efforting, not by "working" on it, but simply by |
| on my anger. I identify with my anger. My anger is | | | | becoming aware of it, noticing it, seeing it for what it |
| who I am. | | | | is. As you become aware of the identity, observe it, |
| If I am not identified with my anger, that is, seeing | | | | watch it and witness it, it will begin to dissolve over |
| that I do get angry from time to time, but not being | | | | time. If you are not willing to be free of your |
| identified with my anger, I can witness the same | | | | identification, then, yes, you are deeply identified. If |
| person, event or circumstance and feel or sense my | | | | you are willing to become free of your identification, |
| anger and say, "OK, so I feel some anger. It's here | | | | slowly it will fall away. |
| and it'll subside. I'll just be with it, observe it in me and | | | | Finally, you are not "bad" or "wrong" for having |
| allow it to dissipate" without having to "do" anything | | | | identifications. It's part of the developmental process |
| about it, i.e., act it out, or "get" angry. | | | | of life. But it's not part of who we have to be. That's |
| Identification means we define ourselves by | | | | the choice. |
| something. - I AM that something - that image, that | | | | When we are able to disassociate from our identities, |
| emotion, that feeling. Who I believe I am is not | | | | then we can be more real, and more authentic in our |
| separate from that quality or image. | | | | everyday experiences - at work, at home, at play |
| Identification also means that I am invested in that | | | | and in relationship. |
| quality. I have a conscious wanting or needing to be | | | | So, some questions for self-reflection are: |
| that quality or image. | | | | · What identifications define you? |
| So, one clue as to whether we are identified to a | | | | · Who are you? |
| particular quality is look at how we respond to an | | | | · What reactions, attitudes, preferences, |
| event in the moment. | | | | desires and attachments can help you recognize how |
| When we are identified by a quality, or an image (of | | | | you are identified? |
| who I am), we are taken over by that quality or | | | | · How do you feel about your identifications? |
| image when we experience an event. It's a pull, like | | | | · Do your identifications constrain you in your |
| an addiction. We live much of our life addicted to | | | | everyday life experiences? How so? |
| having an identity, not wanting to be free of that | | | | · When do you feel most free of |
| identity and and are continually creating that identity. | | | | identifications? |
| I am....(fill in the blank). | | | | · Who would you be and how would you |
| As we go through life, we take on, and shed, various | | | | feel if you were not (fill in with one of you |
| identities. | | | | identifications - an image, an emotion...)? |
| We take on identities related to our work or career, | | | | · If you asked your best friend what s/he |
| identities related to being a man or woman, identities | | | | saw as your identifications, what would s/he say? |
| related to sports, education, spirituality, to our | | | | Would you agree? |
| beauty, our nationality, to being a happy child or an | | | | · Why do you choose your identities? What |
| abused child, the being the black sheep of the family | | | | do they "get" you? |
| - all identities which we want everyone to know. The | | | | · Can you visualize having no identifications? |
| deal is that we then believe that if we let go of out | | | | What does that feel like? |
| identity, we will be no one, we will lose our sense of | | | | · How did you come to have the |
| "who I am" - we become disconnected from our | | | | identifications you have? |