| First of all, I'm not a health professional. This is simply | | | | them that you will not engage in the debate. It is |
| practical advice from someone who has spent many | | | | wasted energy, better used on more positive things |
| years studying, going to therapy and learning what | | | | in life. |
| worked for me. Everyone is different. You may want | | | | Develop positivity, even when you feel very, very |
| to do things totally differently. I just want you to | | | | negative. Use affirmations (small phrases that are |
| realize that severe trauma is painful but it is | | | | meant to uplift or comfort your mind such as, "I am |
| something that you have survived. Now it is time to | | | | intelligent, it is ok to stand up for myself," etc. Say |
| look forward and grow. Here are some tips I have | | | | them or stick them on Post-It notes to remind |
| used to grow in over thirty years from a shy, scared | | | | yourself of these positive thoughts throughout the |
| and hurt girl to a strong, and successful adult. I didn't | | | | day. Eventually, if you throw enough mud against a |
| do everything by the books. I did it my way but | | | | wall, some will stick. Same with positivity. In time, it |
| learned from experts along the way. | | | | will stick. Then think up new ones and add them into |
| Whether your pain is from war, childhood abuse, | | | | your your affirmation regimen. It does work. Really. |
| witnessing trauma or whatever, it is strong and best | | | | It's fighting those negative inner voices. The more |
| handled by talking to a professional. Therapists are | | | | you use them, the more they replace the bad with |
| helpful, go to a few and find one you truly can relate | | | | the good thoughts. |
| to. My whole family has been to, and been helped by | | | | Develop a routine, and stick with it. Be dependable to |
| them. They are there to give you advice, and help, | | | | yourself. Others may not have been there for you, |
| not condemn or hurt you. | | | | but YOU can be there for you. It's true. You are |
| The source of my pain was due to a highly | | | | your own friend or enemy. Choose to be your own |
| aggressive, angry and disturbed female family | | | | friend. When things are hard for you, cut yourself |
| member. I am fortunate to be alive and functioning | | | | some slack and stop to realize that the bad time will |
| fully, after enduring bullying, aggression, and a host of | | | | pass, and that you WILL be ok because you are not |
| erratic and unhealthy behavior at the hands of that | | | | alone..you have you. Don't feel sorry for yourself, |
| person. Authorities removed me from the home and | | | | just simply be a kind, supportive and understanding |
| put me somewhere safer as a teen. It changed my | | | | friend to your mind. It is uncomfortable at first if |
| life to be around kinder, gentler and caring people. | | | | you're not used to it, but in time, the kindness and |
| Since that time I have spent my life learning about | | | | peace it gives you is worth it. |
| what it takes to relate in a healthy manner to others | | | | Don't look at the big picture, look at pieces of the |
| and being thankful to those who rescued me so long | | | | puzzle and tackle them one at a time. Take care of |
| ago. I forgive those who were abusive, and those | | | | yourself. Even if depression makes you feel like |
| who ignored it. It took years but it did happen. | | | | you're walking in a big vat of quicksand, realize that |
| The residue from abuse or trauma can be severe | | | | baby steps will get you through it. This way, things |
| depression, post-traumatic stress disorder and | | | | don't feel overwhelming. I use a Dayrunner calendar |
| anxiety, like in my case. Everyone reacts to life | | | | and stick to it. It helps me know what I need to do |
| differently, I became very sad and reclusive as a | | | | and when, when my mind is going in a hundred |
| young adult, but hid it by forcing myself to go out | | | | directions. For me, it is a powerful tool and I depend |
| with friends. It was a huge struggle to hide the pain | | | | on it to keep organized. The goal is to de-stress as |
| sometimes. Having never learned trust, the world felt | | | | much as possible, using whatever tools work best for |
| hostile, and unsafe. At times it still can, but I put it all | | | | you. Simplify your life so your mind doesn't have to |
| in more proper perspective now. | | | | work so hard to deal with everything. |
| Here are some tips to help if you are having trouble | | | | Work to have peace in your life and be very careful |
| with adult survivor or post-traumatic issues: | | | | of who you let into it. Trust must be earned. Beware |
| Remember, the abuse or trauma was not your fault. | | | | of those who are angry, critical and violent or cruel |
| Don't beat yourself up about it. People chose to be | | | | to others or animals. See how a person reacts when |
| the way they were, they made choices that were | | | | angry, that can be a good clue to see if this person |
| unhealthy. That is not your fault. Defend and nurture | | | | has anger management issues. True narcissists and |
| yourself, don't self-hate or blame. | | | | overly self-absorbed people are hard to live with or |
| Keep a journal. Nobody else needs to see it. Just | | | | relate to. Big, fat, red flag. Also, those who have had |
| write down what is going on in your mind, there is no | | | | very shady pasts. Past behavior gives you a glimpse |
| right or wrong in journaling. Get the feelings out. If | | | | into what their future behavior may be like, according |
| you are in a domestic violence situation, I | | | | to experts. |
| reccommend you hide the journal somewhere where | | | | Learn from the past, but don't get stuck in it. I look |
| it won't be find. Keep yourself safe. But, still keep a | | | | back on my past to reflect on how much I've grown |
| journal, to give yourself a voice you may not have | | | | and learned, not to waste energy thinking of all the |
| had in situations out of your control. | | | | bad things that happened. It is more important to |
| Don't give up. Fight negativity and sadness. | | | | focus on the present, to make an even better |
| Sometimes medicines help, sometimes talk therapy is | | | | future. Grieve the past then let it go. Sometimes it |
| enough. Doctors can help you decide what is best for | | | | won't go away, but with healing, the thoughts will |
| you. It took time to build up this pain. Now, do things | | | | lessen. Let yourself heal by focusing on positive and |
| that make you feel safe and at peace to help rebuild | | | | helpful things you can do to improve your life right |
| your faith and self confidence. I like to draw, pet my | | | | now. |
| cat, play my guitar, and watch movies. Everyone has | | | | Hopefully, these tips are helpful to you. That's my |
| their own choices. Do what is your favorite, not what | | | | therapy in a nutshell. I am happier now at 43 than I |
| someone else wants to you to do. | | | | ever was when younger, due to knowing myself |
| Avoid highly unhealthy people. Controlling, negative, | | | | better. I'm a busy professional, and there is no |
| angry, mean or rude people are on the top of my list. | | | | trauma in my life anymore. If it comes up, it will be |
| Do not react or get emotional if these types try to | | | | dealt with, with skills learned through life. Being |
| engage you in battles or discussions. Put up | | | | resourceful and learning to be positive are important |
| boundaries. Even if the offending person is a close | | | | to being a successful survivor. Sure, there is still |
| family member, establishing boundaries (letting people | | | | self-doubt and pain deep down, but those feelings |
| know your limits of what you will and won't tolerate) | | | | lessen, with more positive, productive thoughts to |
| is very important. Do not let others push you around. | | | | replace them. Do not give up on yourself or your life. |
| If they try, be calm and firm, keep repeating your | | | | I owe my own success to a strong amount of |
| stance on the issue or avoid them. Eventually they | | | | stubbornness and persistence, which I consider good |
| will learn or get lost. Do not tolerate poor treatment. | | | | traits. Know yourself, and surround yourself with |
| You teach people how you want to be treated. | | | | those who will nurture and help you grow. We're like |
| Do not get stuck in the "blame" game (who's fault | | | | plants, feed and nurture and we grow. Ignore, and |
| this or that problem is). It's a losing battle, and | | | | we wither up. Choose to grow..and you will not only |
| nobody wins. A lot of my young life was dealing with | | | | survive but prosper. |
| this. Distance yourself from people who do this, show | | | | |