| It takes every ounce of fiber in you to refrain from | | | | sits atop her head in flagrant defiance. |
| intervening. You must be willing to let go of her as | | | | She informs you she has a right to live her own life |
| she self-destructs because it's what she wants. Out | | | | no matter how shabby it is. Her declarations of |
| of love for her, you behave in the very manner that | | | | independence spew out like venom and head straight |
| is so repugnant to you: you do nothing. | | | | for your heart. You wonder who is this person is as |
| For eighteen years it has been your responsibility to | | | | her once-radiant face now contorts into the ugliness |
| do: with her, for her,because ofher. Your duty, as | | | | of anger. Is this the same child whose face lit up as |
| you perceived it, was to stay involved in her life. | | | | she sang "Jesus Loves Me," who memorized |
| Your duty, now, as she perceives it, is to stay out | | | | scriptures voluntarily? Is this the same girl who |
| of her life. | | | | seemed to understand spiritually mature principles of |
| When did it all begin to change? When did she | | | | scripture at a young age? |
| suddenly decide that she did not need the very | | | | Friends who hardly spoke to you before, now find it |
| mother to whom she used to cling? That child that | | | | necessary to report when and where they've seen |
| would rather die than hurt her mother-- where is she | | | | her--and with whom. What makes them think you |
| now? You wonder if you held her too closely. You | | | | want to be reminded of her dissolute lifestyle? |
| doubt your judgment in telling her how special she | | | | Now you know what a cornered animal feels like. |
| was: maybe it was too much for her to live up to. | | | | You cannot step in and fix things as you've always |
| Loneliness covers you like gauze as you wonder who | | | | done -- she will not allow it. For her sake, you will not |
| it is she tells her secret dreams to. You hope she still | | | | even try. It would only make her more dependent on |
| has dreams. | | | | your judgment, on your experience, and you cannot |
| You think you must have felt it coming: that time | | | | deprive her of her own experience. You dare not |
| when you would have to set her free; but you | | | | send her any messages that cause her to believe |
| thought it would be more amiable. You agree that | | | | she is incapable of being her own person. |
| every person has the right to self-determinism; but | | | | No, any intervention at this point, would only prolong |
| as you watch her acting out her lack of self-respect, | | | | the inevitable: she would find it necessary to tear |
| you realize you only believed that in theory. | | | | away from you later, perhaps then, tearing bigger |
| You remember how you talked of her future with | | | | pieces of both your hearts. |
| expectant hearts. She had so much going for her. | | | | Now you wait for her to find herself -- to find you |
| You thought you had happy productive days planned. | | | | again. You pray it happens before she destroys the |
| Did she find something more desirable -- something | | | | child you love. You wonder how long it will take, and |
| she was more comfortable with than success? You | | | | if you'll still be alive. |
| search for clues that would have allowed you to see | | | | And then you remember that Isaiah 54:13 promises |
| how much she hates herself, but none come | | | | that your children shall be taught of the Lord. And |
| forward. | | | | you are reminded in Philippians 2:6 that He who began |
| You try not to show your repulsion as you look at | | | | the good work in [her] will perform it until the day of |
| the sleazy dress that almost covers her amply | | | | Jesus Christ. And you realize that, like Hannah who |
| endowed breasts and buttocks. A lump lodges in | | | | kept her promise to God and turned her only son |
| your throat as you try to find those beautiful soft, | | | | over to Eli and his wicked sons, you have to trust |
| brown eyes amidst the purple and green eye | | | | God to protect your child, even in the midst of a |
| shadows packed on her lids. You're repelled by her | | | | wicked world. |
| tatoo-covered legs, and you're relieved she does not | | | | You ask yourself if God is still in control, and you |
| offer to kiss you with those blood-red, over-lined lips. | | | | determine He is even if it does not feel like it. You lie |
| You remember how she used to sit on the floor with | | | | down and sleep the sleep of peace knowing you |
| her head in your lap so you could stroke her soft, | | | | have planted The Seed, and God is able to do the |
| shiny brown hair. What provokes this memory is | | | | rest. You rest in the Sovereignty of One who loves |
| looking at the teased, gelled, punked-out mess that | | | | her even more than you do. |