| There is a universal saying, "The only thing constant | | | | the system." |
| is change." | | | | Most of us are unconscious to our fears and remain |
| "We have nothing to fear but fear itself," declared | | | | imprisoned in our own self-built jails. Change is |
| Franklin Delano Roosevelt in his First Inaugural | | | | emotional and can conjure up painful memories we |
| Address. President Roosevelt's wise words intended | | | | would sooner forget then reclaim. |
| to evoke courage during a time of impending war. | | | | However, the more we ignore a feeling the more it |
| However, examining his statement more closely, | | | | will grow. The power of emotional energy is |
| what does it actually mean? Are our fears learned, | | | | equivalent to the force of a bomb---one cannot sit |
| imaginary or real? | | | | on a powder keg; it will either blow up or implode. If |
| What makes a grown man or woman afraid to fly? | | | | we squelch our fear it may turn into rage or |
| Fear of heights, fear of being alone, fear of the dark, | | | | depression. This type of behavior keeps us young |
| fear of snakes, fear of moving to a new city, fear | | | | and unable to move forward to receive and share |
| of failure, fear of success and fear of going to a | | | | life. If we want to change we have to be willing to |
| dentist or doctor are common. When I was young, | | | | feel, express, receive and take action. |
| my mother claimed I would drown if I did not wait | | | | We need to be intensely committed and desirous |
| one hour before going swimming. This caused me to | | | | toward a vision or dream in order to overcome primal |
| believe that if I went into an ocean or pool after a | | | | fears and step out of rigid comfort zones. Otherwise |
| meal I would sink straight to the bottom. Whether | | | | we will continue to play the blame game using our |
| we have superstitious fears or genuine fears it is part | | | | past or some other reason not to change. How much |
| of being human. The problem occurs when our fears | | | | do we say we want? How responsible are you for |
| paralyze our growth, stop us from making changes | | | | your own well-being? |
| and limit our options in life. | | | | MaryAnn, 38, has been married six years. She claims |
| The father of psychoanalysis, Sigmund Freud, | | | | she "loves" her husband, but is not "in love" with him. |
| theorized that by age six we are already traumatized | | | | She wants to leave him but won't. She avoids |
| by family beliefs and behavior. Fear of abandonment, | | | | intimate communication with her husband by |
| separation, rejection and feelings of powerlessness | | | | overworking. She stays stuck because she is afraid |
| and emptiness are natural fears that plague our | | | | to feel her fear of intimacy and deal with her |
| childhood innocence and carry over into adulthood if | | | | childhood abuse. |
| not expressed and healed. | | | | John, 53, conceals his unhappiness from his wife. The |
| Children are intuitive and absorb the world around | | | | family overspends and although he wants to retire he |
| them like a sponge. At an early age we are | | | | cannot because of incurred debts. He is afraid his |
| influenced by parents and teachers to withhold our | | | | wife will see him as weak if he shares his truth. |
| more painful experiences. We bury the fear in our | | | | If MaryAnn and John allow their fear to sabotage |
| "subconscious" and build defenses that keep us | | | | their desire for change they will eventually burn out |
| collapsed or tough against any further hurt. Children | | | | and give in to stagnation. To grow is to receive our |
| act out feelings through tantrums, crying episodes | | | | inalienable birthright to live and express freely our |
| and shyness, before they can speak. Most often | | | | hopes, dreams and fears |
| parents will discipline their children without guiding | | | | The process toward change has several steps: |
| them to explore what they are feeling and why. The | | | | 1. Start where you are. It is human to have flaws. |
| result freezes our natural curiosity to change and | | | | 2. Observe reoccurring patterns and thoughts that |
| grow. | | | | cause feelings that limit you. |
| For example, at age eight, my daughter Lara was | | | | 3. Treat yourself with loving-kindness. Refrain from |
| awakened nightly with dreams of death and global | | | | self-judgment. Criticism, comparison, and have-to |
| devastation. When my husband and I allowed her to | | | | cause resistance and fear. We can't beat ourselves |
| feel and express these fears we helped her to probe | | | | into change. |
| her internal resources to understand the paradox of | | | | 4. What you focus on you attract. Focus on what |
| human existence: the need for love and the fear of | | | | you have, not what you don't have. Be grateful. |
| the loss of love. | | | | 5. Change will bring up grief, sadness and anger. Don't |
| Anne Schaef, therapist, creator and author of When | | | | blame. Nurture yourself. |
| Society Becomes an Addict, Escape from Intimacy | | | | 6. Start a journal, meditate, draw, play and take quiet |
| and other books on addiction and recovery stated, | | | | walks. Guidance comes from the silence within. |
| "We are increasingly made aware of corruption, | | | | 7. Trust the process. Have faith. |
| financial collapse, and fear that pornography rings will | | | | 8. Let go of crazy-makers: people who say you can't |
| kidnap our children. Our planet is being destroyed by | | | | do it. |
| pollution and nuclear holocaust is a very real possibility. | | | | 9. Allow small doable steps. If you want to write a |
| Hunger and war rage over the planet. The market | | | | book, write one sentence every day. Take one step |
| for anti-depressants has never been better. Apathy | | | | toward what you love and it will take one step |
| and depression have become synonymous with | | | | toward you. |
| adjustment. Rather than looking for new ways to | | | | 10. Find very specific ways to feel safe in the |
| change we are becoming more complacent and | | | | unknown. What will it take to make you follow |
| defensive of the status quo." According to Schaef, | | | | through in spite of your fear? |
| our society creates a system that numbs fears | | | | 11. Be patient and never give up! |
| through medication, consumerism and the need to be | | | | Change is a process of self-acceptance, healing and |
| perfect. Schaef wrote "Addiction keeps us afraid, out | | | | choice. Acknowledge your fears, focus on what |
| of touch with ourselves and too busy to challenge | | | | brings you passion and go for it! |