| It seems since the beginning of the year I have been | | | | battled with their addictions and the pain at the root |
| doing a lot more Counseling for the tragedies of | | | | of them. Yet what kept them going was the |
| narcissistic abuse. The stories I hear are all equally as | | | | knowledge that they were going somewhere better. |
| horrible and unfortunately I am never surprised by | | | | If they embraced the journey, which included |
| anything a client tells me anymore. | | | | embracing the pain, they would eventually see a |
| It is sad to get to the point where nothing surprises | | | | whole new being in the mirror. |
| you anymore but this is where I find myself. My | | | | It is the same for those of you on the journey of |
| heart goes out to each and every one of the victims | | | | recovery from narcissistic abuse. You may be walking |
| of narcissistic abuse. Some of you have lost | | | | in a dark tunnel right now but have to trust that |
| everything you've ever worked for, including your | | | | there is something better waiting for you when you |
| sense of self. Some are fortunate that you haven't | | | | return to the light. |
| lost everything but know you could have, had you | | | | Those who give up and subscribe to a life of |
| not learned about narcissism when you did. | | | | victimhood will always stay in the tunnel which results |
| Learning about narcissistic personality disorder can | | | | in chronic depression, lethargy, financial issues, physical |
| bring us the knowledge we need to say "O.K. I know | | | | issues and a lonely, loveless life. There is nobody on |
| he, or she, is narcissistic or has something like this | | | | this earth who has the power to assign you to this |
| and there is nothing I can do to change it." The next | | | | kind of life, except for YOU. |
| step is to decide what you are going to do about it. | | | | What the narcissist did was horrible and there is no |
| For most, who know you must get away from the | | | | excuse for the pain you have suffered as a result. |
| insanity created by the narcissism, the only choice is | | | | But there is also no going back and changing the past. |
| to cut off all contact and find a way to get on with | | | | All you have is now and the future and this is where |
| your life. For those with family ties such as children, it | | | | your energy needs to be focused. |
| is impossible to completely cut off contact but will | | | | I watched a documentary the other day called "The |
| have to limit the contact and develop enough inner | | | | Shadow of the Moon" about the first astronauts who |
| strength to draw your boundaries, keeping any and all | | | | landed on the moon. It was interesting how |
| communication to a bare minimum having to do with | | | | astronauts were chosen for their ability to stay cool, |
| the subject at hand, i.e., when to pick up the kids, | | | | calm and collected in a crisis. It was a matter of life |
| when to return them, etc. More on that later. | | | | and death to them. There was a point where there |
| No matter what your situation, one thing is most | | | | was an explosion in the capsule that was supposed |
| certain. The narcissistic abuse you have suffered has | | | | to take the astronauts back home. I was listening to |
| put you in a place where a spiritual journey is almost | | | | them talking, reflecting back many years and one of |
| required for your survival. This is a journey that | | | | the astronauts said. "Our oxygen was leaking and we |
| requires going deep within and assessing your | | | | thought it was all over for us but we asked |
| strengths, your weaknesses, and finding out who | | | | ourselves, what do we have to work with to get us |
| you really are. | | | | home?" |
| As victims of abuse we want to not only survive but | | | | I was so impressed with this attitude. "What do we |
| to thrive. There is a need somewhere deep within to | | | | have to work with to get us home?" |
| make sense out of what has transpired and use our | | | | I think we can all ask ourselves this same question |
| experiences to launch us to the next level in our lives. | | | | when we are in a spiritual crisis. What do we have to |
| I use the word victim very carefully because I | | | | work with? We may have lost what feels like the |
| believe; on a spiritual level, I know there are no true | | | | most important thing but what do we still have left? |
| victims. We draw our experiences to us, on some | | | | If those astronauts spent their energy focusing on |
| level, no matter how horrible they are. Because these | | | | what was lost they would have never made it home. |
| are the experiences that shake us up at our very | | | | They would have used up the remainder of their |
| core and require no less than a complete | | | | oxygen having an emotional meltdown instead of |
| transformation in order to get beyond it. | | | | focusing on how to save their lives and the mission. |
| When I was a teenager I had a very destructive | | | | We are all on a mission. We just don't always know |
| eating disorder. I nearly died at age seventeen from | | | | what it is. Perhaps if we had a better image of what |
| starvation. I had, through this illusion of a false self, | | | | our mission or purpose in life is, we could change our |
| managed to starve myself down to a fragile 89 | | | | focus from what we have lost and instead look at |
| pounds. I survived and switched from anorexia to | | | | what we can work with now to get us to where we |
| bulimia which carried me another few years until I | | | | want to go. |
| finally ended up in therapy at age nineteen. | | | | Now is an excellent time to take your inventory and |
| My eating disorder stemmed from my self image, | | | | make a list of who you believe you are and what |
| from unresolved family issues and a period of time | | | | you would like to do, be or have in this life. If you |
| where I endured a lot of abuse as a result of being a | | | | want a loving relationship than you must believe you |
| chubby little girl. In therapy, although it was a long | | | | can have that. There is no reason you can't. |
| and difficult journey, I dealt with the issues that | | | | I was so clear after leaving a narcissistic relationship |
| caused the disorder and was completely cured. Unlike | | | | not only that I wanted a loving relationship, but that I |
| alcoholism and drug addiction I never had a desire to | | | | deserved one. I had been focusing on having a loving |
| abuse food again. I was completely past that. In fact | | | | relationship for quite some time, even during the |
| I went on to counsel others with obesity and eating | | | | narcissistic one. I used to say a little prayer to either |
| disorders as well as depression and illness. This is | | | | change the relationship I am in to a loving, |
| where my holistic counseling path began. | | | | harmonious relationship or move me on to something |
| The dark night of the soul I underwent as a result of | | | | better. My prayer was answered but let me tell you I |
| my eating disorder gave me the knowledge, the | | | | was unprepared for how quickly things would be |
| experience and the tools to help others on their | | | | shaken up in my life in order to bring me what I |
| journey who were dealing with the same type of | | | | wanted. |
| issues. Had I not experienced such a journey I would | | | | When a new opportunity for love presented itself |
| never have been able to help the people I could help. | | | | almost right away, I could have easily said "No! I am |
| So there was a purpose to the insanity I lived with. | | | | not ready!" But I had been praying for this for years |
| It had a positive outcome. | | | | so why would I say I wasn't ready? |
| Years later I found the same type of experience | | | | I didn't give my ex the opportunity to take from me |
| with the narcissistic abuse. As a result of my long and | | | | my joy and even though I was still hurting from the |
| painful journey I have been able to help others. | | | | awful fall-out created by somebody I had believed |
| Part of helping others is to help them see that there | | | | was my friend, I knew I had to get on with my life. |
| is a purpose to their suffering. It makes the suffering | | | | Looking forward is where the real healing happens. |
| much more bearable when we know that there can | | | | Let the wounds of the past heal, and give them the |
| be a positive outcome. | | | | time they need to do this, but don't focus on the |
| Let me use the weight loss journey as an example. | | | | pain of the healing. Focus instead on what you still |
| For years I taught my clients to change their diet and | | | | have and what you can do with it. Then, take a deep |
| lifestyle in order to have the results they desired. | | | | breath, look forward and begin walking. |
| There were a lot of emotions surfacing as my clients | | | | |