| Last night I invited a gentleman out. He said no, | | | | Margarita? You didn't do anything wrong. On the |
| because he did not want to drive on New Year's Eve. | | | | other hand if you are someone who can't stop, you |
| I went out to dinner anyway because I hate the idea | | | | don't want to hear the argument either. Why? |
| of being stopped in my life due to fear. But when I | | | | Because you can't stop. And furthermore you don't |
| stop to think of it, the whole idea of New Year's Eve | | | | want anyone to know that you can't stop. |
| is bizarre. A huge portion of society is afraid to even | | | | So you too would like to shut me up. And most of |
| go outside, for fear that another huge portion of | | | | you, for one reason or the other, would like to stop |
| society- being drunk or high out of their brains- will kill, | | | | this conversation. You would prefer to think that this |
| maim, or otherwise dismember them. In some ways | | | | woman talking to you from a minuscule little blog |
| my friend was probably more sane than I was, | | | | somewhere out in cyberspace is nuts, fanatical, and |
| having self-preservation at the forefront of his mind. | | | | 'off her rocker.' Your first argument is that I am nuts |
| But there is a saying in the rooms of therapy (where | | | | because I think it is necessary for us all to stop |
| many of us land after loving an addicted person.) The | | | | drinking and drugging. (You say this as you sit on the |
| saying is that "360 degrees from crazy is still nuts." | | | | couch on New Year's Eve, wishing you were in |
| So on New Years Eve, we do our thing by staying | | | | Time's Square watching the ball drop.) Your other |
| 360 degrees away from New Year's Eve, or by | | | | argument is that I am even more nuts because I |
| defying them all by risking life and limb to go out | | | | think it is possible for us to stop drinking and |
| anyway. And they do their thing- drinking, drugging, | | | | drugging. And there you might have me. I may be |
| driving, & fighting- which is 360 degrees from us. | | | | nuts. |
| And we all think the whole experience of New Year's | | | | But crazy or not, I, like Martin Luther King, have a |
| Eve is pretty normal. Crazy, huh? | | | | dream. And today is New Year's Day 2010, almost 12 |
| So now that the shouting is over, those of us who | | | | years from the day that I learned that my near |
| can still function today find a new opportunity to look | | | | suicidal thoughts and depression at the time were |
| at our life. Many of us make resolutions to lose | | | | stemming from living with an active alcoholic. (The |
| weight, go to the gym, or start writing that book. | | | | plight I call Second Hand Addiction) But it is a new |
| (Hope springs eternal in the human heart.) And as for | | | | day, with resolutions and hopes for tomorrow |
| me, I settle in today to a place of reflection. I | | | | hanging tantalizingly in the grey morning air. And so I |
| consider that it is time to be honest, to go with my | | | | am indulging in my dream. |
| gut- and even time to 'out myself' on something that | | | | And in this dream I see people dancing around with |
| I often hide as an addiction prevention specialist. And | | | | lampshades on their heads, but they are not drunk. I |
| what I hide is simply this... I want everyone on the | | | | hear them singing at the top of their lungs with their |
| planet to stop drinking and drugging. There. I said it. | | | | arms entwined, but they are stone-cold-sober. I see |
| It's out. And I can heave a sigh of relief. | | | | them dancing with wild abandon to heart-stopping |
| And I know that if you are like most of society, you | | | | music, but they are not slurring their words. I see |
| don't want to hear what I just said. You don't want | | | | everyone as I was when I was six, kicking their |
| to have this conversation. And because of this, many | | | | ballet-trained legs over other people's heads with wild |
| of us who feel as I do clam up on the topic. We cop | | | | abandon- or watching, laughing gleefully at a friends' |
| out, talking about moderation, slowing down, etc. etc. | | | | wild antics. |
| We say this even though many of us know perfectly | | | | I see them hugging their friends right in public with |
| well that moderation is impossible for ever-increasing | | | | bear hugs that pick them up off of their feet. I see |
| numbers of society. We say this knowing that those | | | | people loving the experience of being alive. So that |
| numbers may someday in the very near future | | | | when I tell people to stop drinking and drugging, I |
| exceed the numbers of those who can moderate. | | | | don't want to lessen the joy of people's lives. I want |
| We say this knowing that we can't by any means | | | | to heighten it. I don't want to take away, but rather |
| pinpoint with any degree of accuracy who can and | | | | to add. I seek to enhance good feelings in such a |
| who can't moderate. | | | | way that there is more fulfillment, and more |
| But still we discuss moderation because we know | | | | downright happiness. I seek only that people replace |
| you will listen to us if we say that. But you won't | | | | the artificial pleasure of drugs and alcohol with the |
| listen if we tell you to stop. And this does not mean | | | | true pleasure of life. And that those who can do this |
| that current prevention efforts do not work- | | | | easily, also support those who struggle. |
| because they do, make no mistake. But obviously | | | | Alcohol and drugs hit the pleasure centers of the |
| prevention of substance abuse and addiction would | | | | brain, bringing us pure and unadulterated good |
| work a thousand times better if we stopped drinking | | | | feelings. Then they destroy us piecemeal, as people |
| and drugging. (duh) | | | | and as a society. We want good feelings, and there |
| The process as I envision it is that first those who | | | | is nothing wrong with that. The only problem is that |
| could stop, would stop drinking and drugging. This | | | | we turn to the poison of alcohol and drugs to get |
| would support those people who could not stop. | | | | them. But as people find their joy in life instead of |
| They would not be alone. Society would have their | | | | drugs they will find that this natural happiness is |
| back. They would seek and get the help they need. | | | | better by far than any other. And when we all find |
| And after a while, most of the world would have | | | | our pleasure naturally, we can go outdoors on New |
| stopped. And this in turn would make a huge impact | | | | Year's Eve without fear. |
| on criminality, domestic violence, child abuse, | | | | There are many powerful tools I write about for |
| homelessness, joblessness and almost every other | | | | helping people on their journey to true happiness and |
| major societal problem. | | | | fulfillment. The Landmark Forum is one. Alanon and |
| But despite the inherent sensibility of this argument, if | | | | the12 step programs are others. The journey does |
| you are like most of society, you don't want to hear | | | | not happen in one moment. And the road may be |
| it. After all, if you're someone who can stop, why | | | | rocky at times. But it is the journey of a lifetime. And |
| should you stop? Why should you give up your glass | | | | it is the one journey that is worth taking. It is the |
| of wine at dinner? It's not your fault that they're | | | | journey to YOUR life, YOUR happiness, and YOUR |
| crazy out there. Why should you not have your | | | | joy. |