| I would argue vigorously with anyone who thought | | | | and tell them what they expect of them, and ten |
| that there was a more important job in existence | | | | seconds later the child is doing it again, and the |
| than being a parent. Being a parent means that you | | | | parent ignores it completely! This just teaches the |
| have responsibility for the formation of your child's | | | | child that the parent is not really serious about the |
| sense of wellbeing, of their sense of place in the | | | | issue and that the behaviour is not really that |
| world, and of how they in turn should behave in | | | | important. Discipline is unlearnt by the child and |
| relation to those with whom they have influence | | | | nobody benefits. Parents who cannot be bothered |
| during their lives. If the prospect of all that | | | | following up these situations are creating a whip for |
| responsibility is daunting, then perhaps it should be | | | | their own backs, and are not teaching their children |
| remembered that the most profound things in life are | | | | valuable life lessons. |
| sometimes the simplest. | | | | So a very important word to remember is |
| You do not need to have a degree in psychology or | | | | consistency. Be consistent in your attitude to certain |
| be a trained counselor to be able to be an effective | | | | bad behaviour so that your child is in no doubt what |
| parent. I firmly believe that if you truly love your | | | | is acceptable. And it is most important that both |
| children and wish them the very best in life, then you | | | | parents take the same attitude to discipline. If one |
| are half-way there already. However, there are a | | | | parent does one thing and the other does something |
| few more basics to learn. | | | | else, the child will only learn that to get on they have |
| The first thing I would say is that children should | | | | to play one parent off against the other. Parents |
| never be the victim of violence. By this I don't just | | | | need to determine what is an acceptable standard of |
| mean the kinds of situations which end up in a | | | | behaviour for their child, and then they need to back |
| criminal court. I mean that children should not be | | | | each other up when imposing that standard. |
| smacked. Why should it be considered to be such a | | | | I have always maintained that one of the most |
| bad thing (which it is) for a man to beat his wife, yet | | | | important and effective things that a parent can do |
| it is considered to be alright for a fully grown adult to | | | | to foster a healthy relationship with their child, while |
| hit a child? I have never understood this contradiction | | | | at the same time instilling positive life-long habits, is to |
| in society's attitude. Having said that, I know that | | | | read to that child. Reading to a child is a wonderful |
| most parents who do smack their children do not do | | | | panacea for many of the problems of child-rearing |
| so with a mind to inflicting terrible pain and suffering | | | | and I cannot recommend it more highly. I found it to |
| upon them, but I think they need to step back and | | | | be a time of peace and bonding when you were able |
| see it from the child's point of view. To be hit by | | | | to forget that you were an adult and were able to |
| someone who is twice your size as a matter of | | | | enter the world of the child. To witness a child's |
| course for some misdemeanor teaches the child that | | | | fascination with a good story is a wonderful |
| violence is a legitimate form of behaviour to take into | | | | experience, and it is great fun to enhance the |
| the wider world, and that it is okay for someone | | | | experience by acting out the roles with funny voices |
| who is bigger than someone else to behave in a | | | | and by just being silly and childlike yourself. It is |
| violent manner towards that person. In other words, | | | | liberating and healthy for parent and child. As a result |
| we are creating a mentality which says that it is | | | | both of our children have grown up with a great love |
| alright to be a bully. It creates a pattern of behaviour | | | | and appreciation of books, both fiction and fact, and |
| in children that is self-fulfilling, and if there is one thing | | | | in fact both of them have become very good |
| that we as a society need less of now it is violence. | | | | writers themselves, with our daughter embarking on |
| I believe that discipline can be taught in ways which | | | | a career as an author. |
| do not involve resorting to the physical approach. My | | | | I suppose I would summarize the approach taken in |
| wife and I used to send our children to their rooms | | | | our family as being one of showing the child that you |
| to chill out and to have a bit of a think about the | | | | love them, and that they and their opinions are |
| issue when they were growing up. Bad behaviour | | | | important, and of the imposition of discipline in a |
| needs to go unrewarded just as good behaviour | | | | gentle but consistent way, and of making time to |
| should be recognized and acknowledged. I have seen | | | | share in your child's world. |
| so many parents chastise their child's bad behaviour | | | | |