| Although there are a few exceptions, divorce often | | | | children to make or change plans.) |
| causes major disruptions to the family unit. Naturally, | | | | Be careful when discussing your case with your |
| this instability can be frightening to everyone | | | | attorney (or friends) on the phone. Children hear |
| involved-especially to the children of divorcing parents. | | | | more than we think. |
| And, unfortunately, this instability can have long-term | | | | Behave reasonably and rationally so your children |
| effects as well. Even though parents may think they | | | | know you have made the decision to end your |
| are hiding their insecurities of what the future may | | | | marriage in a careful and thoughtful way. |
| hold, and their anger toward their spouse, they | | | | Establish a home for the children with a place for |
| convey messages to their children they may not | | | | their belongings (each child should be given at least |
| intend. Indeed, parents may not realize that their | | | | one drawer in the visiting parent's home for toys, |
| once commendable behavior, now battered by their | | | | artwork, pajamas, etc. with absolute privacy being |
| irritability from lack of sleep, constant marital conflict, | | | | guaranteed to the child with respect to this special |
| and anxiety about their future, is marked by | | | | drawer.) |
| impatience, inapproachability, or even emotional | | | | Be prompt for pickup and drop-off. |
| withdrawal from their children. | | | | Maintain regular telephone contact with the children. |
| Research studies have suggested that providing as | | | | Have children ready in time for visitation and be |
| much parental harmony - even during and after the | | | | home, or at the visitation exchange on time to |
| divorce is critical to the healthy development of our | | | | receive the children. |
| children's relationships not only in the near future, but | | | | DON'T |
| far beyond it to adulthood. Indeed, the long-term | | | | Argue in front of the children. |
| consequences of parental discord affect children | | | | Speak derogatorily about the other parent. |
| pervasively and consistently in a detrimental fashion, | | | | Cancel plans with the children. |
| according the data provided by researchers Paul | | | | Pump the children for information about the other |
| Amato and Alan Booth. They found that children | | | | parent. |
| from families with a high degree of discord before | | | | Use the children to carry angry messages back and |
| and after their divorces tended to have more | | | | forth. |
| difficulties in dating -- and less happiness, less | | | | Use the children to deliver support payments or bills. |
| interaction, and more conflict in marriage. Not | | | | Ask children with whom they want to live. |
| surprisingly, the probability of divorce is higher among | | | | Ask a child to keep a secret from the other parent |
| children whose parents experienced a high degree of | | | | Appear sad when your child leaves to see the other |
| disharmony in marriage and subsequently. | | | | parent. |
| While divorce cannot always be avoided, bad conduct | | | | Change residences more often than is absolutely |
| during and after divorce can be. Open, honest, civil | | | | necessary. |
| communication with your ex-spouse, or soon to be | | | | Believe everything the children say about the other |
| ex-spouse, and your children, is best for every one. | | | | parent. |
| Here are some tips for parents who are currently in | | | | Introduce your children to your new romantic interest |
| the midst of a divorce, or have already divorced: | | | | until the children have adjusted to your separation |
| DO: | | | | and your new relationship is stable. |
| Tell each child individually that he or she is not the | | | | Bring your children to court or to your lawyer's office. |
| cause of the divorce and will always be loved by | | | | As loving parents we make an emotional pact with |
| both parents. | | | | our spouse when our children are born, to pour our |
| Be supportive and positive about the child's | | | | lives and all happiness into them - protecting them |
| relationship with the other parent. | | | | from hurt and suffering. Somehow, when our |
| Always let the child know when he or she will see | | | | marriage disintegrates we forget our promise to each |
| the absent parent. | | | | other. And, as the research suggests, psychological |
| Continue reassuring the children that they can still | | | | harm affects our children long into their adulthood. |
| count on both parents | | | | Unfortunately, this cycle of discord and broken |
| Deal directly with the other parent. (Don't use the | | | | promises can even continue into the next generation. |