| I want to trumpet, declare and celebrate the fact | | | | responsibility". The clear weight of the law goes to |
| that parents rights are and should be superior to | | | | the parents, Amen. |
| grandparents rights. As a grandfather I am in awe of | | | | The second point has to do with the word Fit as it |
| the great job my children and their spouses are doing | | | | applies to a parent. The case above Stanley v. Illinois |
| in raising our grandchildren to be loving and lovable | | | | says it as clearly as I have ever read it. I added the |
| human beings. I don't foresee any need for me to | | | | bold on the statement, "absent a powerful |
| even have grandparents rights much less to have to | | | | countervailing interest" in the court transcript to point |
| assert them in a court of law. The constitution | | | | to the fact that not all parents are fit parents. As |
| closely guards the parental rights of a fit parent to | | | | sad and mysterious as this is to me I have read of |
| guide, nurture and raise their children as they see fit. | | | | many cases of parental rights being challenged |
| Our forefathers were wise in many areas of the law | | | | because of abusive and dangerous behavior by the |
| and this is no exception. Our Supreme Court seems | | | | parents. In these cases it is in the best interest of |
| to agree as well (see Troxel v. Granville 2000). In this | | | | the child for the court execute a custody evaluation. |
| article I would like to address three things on this | | | | In all cases the courts go to the ends of the earth to |
| subject of parents rights and grandparent rights. First | | | | give the parents every chance to right their wrongs |
| is to affirm that the law is as it should be, second to | | | | and, sometimes to the detriment of the child, this |
| zero in on the word FIT as in fit parent, and finally to | | | | takes a long time and is a very meticulous process. |
| look at the contribution of grandparents and the | | | | My greatest sadness is that it becomes obvious |
| extended family in the event of a family unit change | | | | some parents are so wrapped up in their own stuff |
| and/or breakdown. | | | | and just want to show that they are all powerful. |
| Parenting is such a mixed bag of wonder, joy, fear | | | | Evaluation after evaluation shows that some of these |
| and guilt which makes this an important and very | | | | parents couldn't care less about what it is doing to |
| complicated discussion. I arrived at parenthood totally | | | | the children. One long time expert in this field said the |
| unprepared and clueless as to what it would take to | | | | traumatic effects of this is like a child being the |
| raise my now 41 year old son and his 40 year old | | | | innocent victim of a drive by shooting. I recently |
| sister. I am so very blessed that they are still very | | | | wrote at length about New Jersey Appellate Court |
| much a part of my life. That doesn't change the fact | | | | case that drug on for several years while the father |
| that I was handed this squirmy, beautiful, although | | | | of these two young boys continued to exhibit |
| pink and wrinkled, bundle of life that forever would | | | | dangerous behavior but pursued the case just |
| be connected to my heart and when I handed him | | | | because he could (with a public defender of course). I |
| back to the nurse she forgot to give me the | | | | will have to say that this one not only saddened me |
| operator's manual. His mother and I would now | | | | it made me angry. But let me present my final and |
| embark on the most important journey of our lives | | | | most heartening point. |
| and we were on our own. | | | | Caring grandparents can and do contribute a |
| Like most new parents we read, sought advice and | | | | tremendous amount of good to the family unit. In a |
| worried that we wouldn't get this right. Well the jury | | | | functioning family the grandparent adds another layer |
| is back in and the verdict is that we did a fairly good | | | | of nurture and foundation to the TEAM that it takes |
| job. If you read this carefully, I said we read and | | | | to raise children the way they deserve to be raised. |
| sought advice, no where do I say that we raised our | | | | In support of the parents the grandparents provide a |
| children by committee. There are some things a | | | | sense of legacy and tradition that produces a greater |
| committee isn't designed to do and, according to the | | | | feeling of stability and continuity for the grand kids. |
| framers of the constitution and the Supreme Court, | | | | Important but bad news, 1 out of every 2 marriages |
| raising children is one of those things. There is | | | | will end in divorce. I don't like this fact but that |
| something very fundamental and right about the | | | | doesn't change it. When this occurs the role of the |
| bond between a caring parent and their child that isn't | | | | grandparents becomes even more necessary and |
| quite the same a generation once removed. Oh no I | | | | critical for the children. Most times this will mean at |
| said it out loud! I guess I will be stoned at the next | | | | least temporary child care or even a place to live for |
| gathering of caring grandparents. All kidding aside, as | | | | a while. I cannot stress enough that this is the time |
| a grandparent I see my greatest contribution to my | | | | for a unified effort by every significant adult in these |
| grand kids is to reinforce and enhance the teaching | | | | kids lives to create a sense of stability and empathy |
| of their parents at every turn. I must recognize that, | | | | with their feelings. This is the most important time to |
| while I may second guess some times, I need to | | | | remember that the main thing is the children's best |
| trust that my child and their spouse have the best | | | | interest. I realize that emotions are high for the adults |
| interest of their child in mind. | | | | but just put yourself in the place of the child. The |
| I am not so naive that the cases of child neglect and | | | | main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. |
| abuse escape me. As you will see, I have made this | | | | Please write this on a note and put it on the |
| issue a focus of my study with "The best interest of | | | | bathroom mirror and the refrigerator. |
| the child" as my goal and guiding principal. As | | | | When there is a total breakdown in the family unit it |
| previously stated in this article, this is an important | | | | is often ideal for a grandparent to step forward and |
| and very complicated issue. | | | | take temporary and in some cases permanent |
| There is no argument when it comes to the rights of | | | | custody to protect the well being of the child. This |
| a fit parent. This was best stated in the case of | | | | brings with it a whole new set of challenges and |
| Stanley v. Illinois (1972) where the court stressed, " | | | | opportunities that are beyond the scope of this |
| the parents-child relationship is an important interest | | | | article. The good news is that there are many |
| that undeniably warrants deference and, absent a | | | | resources to help with this situation. If you are one |
| powerful countervailing interest, protection. A parent's | | | | of these courageous caring grandparents I applaud |
| interest in the companionship, care, custody and | | | | and support you. |
| management of his or her children rises to a | | | | I want to close with this thought. It is all about the |
| constitutionally secured right, given the centrality of | | | | children! |
| family life as the focus for personal meaning and | | | | |