| Every relationship goes through what is typically called | | | | continues, it becomes a pattern and it continues back |
| the "Honeymoon Phase" - that time at the beginning | | | | and forth as the two people do things to balance |
| when we become insufferable to those around us | | | | power, set boundaries etc. |
| with all the cooing, the being velcro'd at the hips, | | | | There is, however, a tipping point where it becomes |
| feeding each other apple pie and the un-ending verbal | | | | too much of a relied-upon communication style. While |
| gushing about how wonderful the other person is. | | | | it WAS meant in good fun, as the relationship |
| This is the part of the process where we are trying | | | | matures, it starts to create feeling of resentment |
| to get to know each other; during the courtship the | | | | and shame. When over half of the communication in |
| goal/intention is to win affection. We are hell bent on | | | | the relationship becomes the teasing/belittling, the |
| convincing the other person that you deserve their | | | | unconscious suffering will slowly build and that building |
| affections. So much so that we will present to them | | | | of unconscious suffering transforms into abuse. |
| the type of person we THINK is the type of person | | | | In the early stages it was teasing and playfulness |
| they want to be with, we present what we perceive | | | | such as correcting the other person (words, way |
| to be our "best side," which gives unending fodder to | | | | they dress, how they do something), playful violence, |
| all the TV situation comedies out there. | | | | those types of things can lead to an emotionally and |
| One of the key elements of humans is pleasure and | | | | physically abusive relationship. It happens comment |
| fun. In the process of creating a "playful" | | | | by comment until it escalates to where even |
| environment that will entice this new partner to stay | | | | outsiders can see it as abuse. Ever wonder why |
| with them, one thing people will do is use that sense | | | | someone doesn't leave an abusive relationship? This is |
| of playfulness to define their boundaries. We will | | | | why; it happens so slowly, building off of the |
| tease each other as a way of showing things that | | | | honeymoon feel-good teasing that they never see it |
| they value or devalue - so if a partner is doing | | | | coming. |
| something the other thinks is silly or stupid, they will | | | | The concept is that you want to be aware and pay |
| tease gently, playfully with the covert intention of | | | | attention to the behaviors of those you are in a |
| saying "I think that is stupid/silly." Although it's funny | | | | relationship with; be mindful of their intent and how |
| at the time, there is a serious underlining intention. | | | | they make you feel. Negative behaviors that appear |
| Ever hear of the idiom "Comedy is a funny way of | | | | to be done with a positive overt intention can |
| being serious"? | | | | actually be negative. When it stops being fun and |
| The reason we do it in a teasing way is because we | | | | playful and your reaction becomes filled with feelings |
| ware still in the honeymoon stage. We have to do it | | | | of shame and resentment, then you have moved |
| in a way that still brings a sense of pleasure to the | | | | into the territory of abuse. |
| other person; we need to continue to prove we are | | | | This is when you get help and/or start using your |
| the person they want to be with. As the relationship | | | | Verbal Self Defense. It's up to you to stop the cycle. |