| What happens in our childhood for most of us is | | | | and friends. |
| largely forgotten by the time we reach early middle | | | | These patterns can also be applied naively to deal |
| age. We forget either because we just do, or | | | | with new problems despite their unsuitability as adult |
| because we screen it out. Fortunately, we can be | | | | response mechanisms to deal even with the issue |
| encouraged professionally to recall much of it | | | | that spawned them.. |
| comparatively easily, if we wish to. | | | | However there is a strange feature often found in |
| It is now better understood how children learn to | | | | such a process of adult recall and analysis of their |
| pattern themselves mentally and emotionally from an | | | | childhood. It occurs among adults who as children |
| early age. The way individual children achieve this | | | | were brought up in merely dysfunctional families, or |
| varies widely. Many of them form patterns of | | | | where they were severely abused physically, |
| behaviour and set up emotional defences to enable | | | | mentally or emotionally. In all such cases, very often |
| them to cope with life in their family. | | | | those adults who suffered, reveal an understandable |
| The stimuli for this harmful process can be parental | | | | and marked reluctance to review their childhood |
| behaviour which can seem innocuous to outsiders. | | | | experiences. |
| More than that, the dysfunction can be unintentional | | | | What is perhaps more extraordinary is what can |
| in the parent and can result from patterns they | | | | happen once those adults are equipped with a more |
| themselves formed in their own childhood. | | | | detailed recall of their childhood. They can find that |
| It can involve the ways the parents handle feelings | | | | even to admit to themselves what happened seems |
| of affection between them or the lack of it. It can | | | | deeply disloyal to the very parents who subjected |
| stem from the resolution, or the lack of it, of | | | | them to the dysfunction or abuse! With that |
| disputes within the family. Attitudes within a family to | | | | highlighted for them, only then do they begin to |
| certain behaviours of other people can play a part. It | | | | appreciate the extent of their denial. |
| can even stem from how all the members interacted | | | | One myth with far wider ramifications is being |
| together socially as a family group. | | | | systematically dismembered by cognitive research. |
| These are just some of the ways children can feel | | | | Hitherto, the unique behavioural patterns and |
| bound under the psychological pressure on them to | | | | defences of any individual have often been |
| create their own patterning processes. Clearly cases | | | | interpreted as the sum total of what that person is |
| of severe physical mental and emotional child abuse | | | | as a person. Yet, truth to tell, those behaviours were |
| set up the reactions in the child which can initiate | | | | mere strategies adopted by that person as an |
| more rigid patterning and defence strategies. | | | | immature, inexperienced child to protect him or |
| Despite the threat having gone when they leave | | | | herself from the worst effects of parental |
| home, all too often the affected child continues most | | | | dysfunction or abuse. These can mask a very |
| often to carry the patterns and defences forward | | | | different person trapped behind them. So often there |
| into their adult life. There, far from them withering, | | | | is someone, though they have been hiding, they are |
| the patterns can be re-enforced and perpetuated | | | | capable of being released psychologically and |
| sub-consciously, impacting for good or ill on the adult's | | | | motivated to shed their shell like a crab and begin |
| sense of personal well-being and spirituality. Worse, | | | | living to the full. |
| the adopted strategies can have adverse influence | | | | I wish you well if you decide to embark on it and |
| on future relationships with partners, siblings, children | | | | feels sure you feel emancipated by the process. |