| Most of the time what people do to us is not about | | | | to what's authentically true for you and for others. |
| us; it's all about them. But, when on the receiving | | | | Here are some things you will want to do in |
| end, we don't see it that way. We assume it is | | | | relationships that are not abusive in order to keep |
| because of us. | | | | harmony within yourself and between you and |
| This is especially true of domestic violence survivors, | | | | others. |
| who have become accustomed to believing other | | | | 1) When the knee-jerk response hits, saying he/she |
| people's actions toward them are their fault. It's part | | | | did "such and such" because of what you said or did, |
| of the indoctrination of intimate partner violence: | | | | stop and ask yourself, "It that true?" Let your |
| "You made me do it." "You made me say it, feel it, | | | | answer meet the question innocently and effortlessly. |
| think it..." | | | | 2) If your reply is "yes" or "I think so," deepen your |
| Domestic Abuse Survivor Faulty Thinking | | | | inquiry and ask, "Can I really know that it's true?" |
| If you are a domestic abuse survivor, you know the | | | | Chances are a tug of war will unfold within, wherein |
| drill. You also know (consciously or unconsciously) the | | | | you tell yourself one thing but deep inside, as the |
| reward system that works to establish your | | | | chatter settles, you know just the opposite to |
| ownership of the other person's actions, feelings and | | | | possibly be true. You realize that you actually choose |
| thoughts with respect to you. | | | | which of these possibilities you're going to embrace. |
| Simply stated, if you agree to own responsibility for | | | | 3) Give the other person the benefit of the doubt to |
| your batterer's assault toward you, then you | | | | be acting on behalf of himself or herself, rather then |
| increase the likelihood of keeping the next one at | | | | because of you. And should you wish to know more |
| bay. If you fail to agree, you may run the risk of | | | | about what inspired what you observe, ask without |
| further assault. | | | | assuming you know. |
| This thinking really does work to keep peace and | | | | You will find that as you keep the doors open for |
| harmony in abusive relationships. But in relationships | | | | people being who and what they are, as they are |
| that are not abusive, this causes real havoc. It | | | | whatever they are, you will invite harmony between |
| generates misunderstandings and a loss of connection | | | | you and others, as well as within yourself. |