| o Stage 1: The victim feels hurt, demeaned, angry, | | | | incident is "swept under the rug." S/he denies (to him |
| embarrassed, humiliated and confronts her/his abuser. | | | | herself and others) that any abuse has taken place. |
| The abuser responds with belligerence, in fact | | | | Denial is a powerful human defense mechanism that |
| outraged at the victim's audacity in challenging the | | | | allows the victim to relegate the incident--more often |
| abuse. In order to establish stabilization and to "make | | | | then not, many incidents--to the back burner of his |
| things better," the victim usually placates the abuser's | | | | her consciousness.o Stage 5: The victim completely |
| "feelings." This scenario is played out each time the | | | | caves in to his/her abuser because she/he deeply |
| victim confronts the abuser about his/her serial | | | | believes that without him/her, he/she is nothing! |
| abusive behavior.o Stage 2: The abuser, pathological | | | | Frequently, a woman does not have her husband's |
| as s/he is, is not placated at all. In fact, s/he now has | | | | status, charisma, or track record of success. Women |
| contempt because s/he easily conned the person s | | | | may display a veneer of confidence, intelligence and |
| he wants to respect, because his/her partner is | | | | capability, but deep down inside she often believes |
| another easy-to-manipulate patsy. S/he continues to | | | | her future is completely dependent on her abuser's |
| engage in his/her favorite psycho-hobby, which is to | | | | money, prestige, status, connections and power - |
| level even more abuse, i.e., anger, blaming, arguing, | | | | and his ability to destroy her! She has seen what he |
| threats, and intimidation about being confronted as | | | | has done to others and she knows what he has |
| well as the core abuse.o Stage 3: In an insincere | | | | already done to her! While she is burning with |
| reconciliation charade, the abuser apologizes, offers | | | | impotent rage, she still figures that sticking with him |
| excuses, denies or minimizes the extent of the | | | | is better than leaving him, and she trusts that |
| abuse, resorts to blaming the victim, or says the | | | | somehow, some way, she will survive more intact |
| victim is over reacting.o Stage 4: The victim invariably | | | | financially and emotionally if she stays than if she |
| gives in to the abuser to keep the peace and the | | | | leaves. |