| I get a lot of correspondence from spouses (who | | | | in homes with depressed parents. These studies also |
| are usually wives) that admit to me that they are | | | | indicate that unhappy parents can raise children who |
| "only staying married for the sake of the children." | | | | are more likely to have mental health, cognitive, or |
| These wives often admit that they are quite | | | | social issues. |
| unhappy and they worry that their lack of passion | | | | However, the fact that you're reading this article |
| for life is going to influence or negatively affect their | | | | indicates that you most certainly do not want any of |
| children. Sometimes, they admit, they wonder if their | | | | these things for your children. Clearly, you have their |
| children would be better off with a divorced but | | | | best interests at heart and place their happiness and |
| happy parent rather than one who remains married | | | | well being as your highest priority. I suspect that this |
| only for their sake but who is quite unhappy. | | | | is going to go a long way toward helping you to |
| Most people would agree that even small children pick | | | | come to decision that works best for all of the |
| up on and reflect their parents' unhappiness. And, | | | | members of your family. But, I do believe that |
| they learn how to live their own lives, and form their | | | | there's usually a middle ground that every one can |
| own relationships, from their parents. In fact, it's not | | | | live with. There's no reason that both you and your |
| at all unlikely that your children are going to craft | | | | children can't be happy. I will discuss this more below. |
| their beliefs about what to expect and accept from | | | | A Possible Best Case Scenario: Returning Your |
| a marriage by watching your own. Of course then, | | | | Marriage To A Happy Place So That All Of The |
| you'll want to model the most healthy example as is | | | | Family Members Are Growing Up In A Happy And |
| possible because, ultimately, every parent's focus is | | | | Stable Environment: Here's something that I find very |
| their child's happiness and well being. | | | | interesting. Very few of the people who contact me |
| But, I can't in good faith tell you that being a child of | | | | ever entertain the fact that things in their marriage |
| divorce is a picnic. In my experience, it most certainly | | | | can improve or that things might (or can) change for |
| is not. And, it's not just painful only when you are | | | | the better. They're pretty much accepted their lot in |
| going through it. Divorce sort of follows the child | | | | life as unhappiness. It's as if they are counting on the |
| throughout his or her life. It will even effect their | | | | fact that they are going to remain unhappily married |
| children's life because your grandchildren will likely | | | | and that there is not much that they can do about |
| have a spare set of step grandparents eventually. | | | | this. |
| That's not to say that in some situations, divorce is | | | | This frustrates me a bit because I know first hand |
| preferable to suffering from physical or mental abuse. | | | | and with a great degree of certainty that the most |
| A child in this situation will often be better off | | | | marriages can be changed and improved. Yes, it |
| removed from it. | | | | takes a lot of work and some deliberate actions. |
| But, this is usually not the situation that I get | | | | Sure, it will feel strange and vulnerable at first. But, |
| correspondence about. Instead, I usually hear from | | | | the pay off to this is huge for you, your spouse, and |
| spouses who tell me that they've "fallen out of love" | | | | for your children. |
| or have "grown apart." Sometimes, I hear from | | | | Why settle for living in a "loveless marriage" or for |
| people who tell me that they don't have anything in | | | | "only going through the motions" when it's quite |
| common with their spouse anymore or "feel nothing" | | | | possible that you don't have to? What if you could |
| when they look at them. Other times, there are | | | | stay married (as you likely suspect that this is best |
| concrete stressors that have been placed on the | | | | for your children) but could also change the marriage |
| marriage like the loss of a job or infidelity. | | | | so that it was more fulfilling for you? |
| What Statistics And Studies Show Us About Children | | | | Many people assume that if they chose staying to |
| Of Divorce: There have been many studies and trials | | | | together for the children's sake, this also means being |
| which have indicated that children who grow up with | | | | unhappy with their spouse. It certainly does not have |
| two parents do have some advantages in life. | | | | to be this way. I can not tell you how many couples |
| Children from two parent homes do better in school, | | | | have been completely convinced that they'd "fallen |
| are less likely to get in trouble with the law, and are | | | | out of love" and then who did a complete 180 |
| more likely to attend college and earn more money. | | | | degree turnaround and were themselves quite |
| Of course, none of these things means that your | | | | surprised by this. |
| child can't or won't be happy without these things. | | | | I suspect that what you really want is for every one |
| But, being realistic, most would have to admit that | | | | in your family to be happy and to be in a healthy |
| these things do play a role in our well being and that | | | | situation. And, this should also include you. Because |
| we'd like for our children to be on the positive side of | | | | you are an important member of your family also. |
| this equation if it's at all possible. | | | | However, I believe that it's possible to have all of |
| Children Of Unhappy Parents Are In A Less Than | | | | these things. If you change some of your |
| Optimal Situation Also: On the flip side of this | | | | perceptions and set about getting to work, it's my |
| equation though, children who grow up in unhappy | | | | experience that it's quite possible to stay together |
| homes are also going to be negatively affected. | | | | for the sake of your family, but to also restore your |
| There have been studies about children who grow up | | | | marriage to a place where it makes you happy also. |