| Imagine you are an Olympic swimmer who has | | | | There's no other way. Otherwise you'll continue to |
| qualified for the Olympics in four years. There's just | | | | struggle at having good relationships. Now you're |
| one problem. You've completely let yourself go. | | | | probably wondering, what do I change? To answer |
| You're twenty pounds overweight and you've got | | | | that, you have to be familiar with a psychological |
| four years to train. You know what you need to do. | | | | concept called shame. Shame is a feeling of |
| You've got to eat better and whip yourself back into | | | | inadequacy about yourself, as if there is something |
| shape. You need more laps in the pool and more | | | | wrong with you as a person. You feel defective |
| days at the gym. | | | | somehow. You feel empty. |
| Ugh. That sounds hard. Maybe it would be easier to | | | | When you feel empty or defective, you have a hard |
| just continue down the path you're on and hope | | | | time relating to others. Your natural, wonderful |
| everything goes ok. After all, you did qualify. But you | | | | personality cannot shine through. It's being blocked by |
| know deep down if you even want to have a | | | | your shameful feelings. That's why overcoming |
| chance at succeeding, you've got to make some | | | | shame is so important. |
| changes. Time to toss out the Rocky Road ice | | | | Overcoming shame removes the psychological |
| cream in your freezer. You know it will be a struggle. | | | | obstacles that keep you from connecting with others. |
| But you also know that if you don't overcome this | | | | As you overcome shame, you'll become more |
| weight problem, it's going to be one painful Olympics. | | | | self-confident and you'll feel better. This naturally |
| Nobody likes to struggle to change. | | | | helps you have healthier relationships. You see, when |
| Human begins don't like to struggle, and that's what | | | | you have a strong sense of shame, you're like that |
| change represents. We only change when we think | | | | overweight Olympic swimmer who's trying to |
| the long-run benefits of changing are going to | | | | perform at his best with less than stellar conditioning. |
| outweigh the short-term benefits of staying the | | | | You don't feel as confident as you could. You find |
| same. Or we wait until the consequences of not | | | | yourself feeling sad or empty a lot of the time. |
| changing are so dire that we must change. For | | | | These feelings will hinder your ability to perform at |
| instance, think of a doctor telling a patient to change | | | | your best socially. You'll have a much harder time |
| his eating habits or he will die of a heart attack. The | | | | relating to happy people with high confidence. |
| truth is struggling is work we'd rather not do because | | | | That's why you need to start overcoming shame. |
| it might bring some short-term pain or sacrifice. We'd | | | | When you learn how to do this, you'll start having |
| really rather keep our habits if we can. | | | | better friendships and intimate relationships. You'll feel |
| But if you're a child abuse survivor, you must change | | | | happier. That's a change worth struggling for. |
| if you want to be happy and have good relationships. | | | | |