| What is domestic abuse?There are many forms | | | | in a safe place that is accessible to you |
| of domestic abuse, ranging from screaming | | | | |
| threats to pushing and shoving. Contrary to | | | | Know where you can go to get help; tell |
| what many women think, abuse isn't just | | | | someone you trust what is happening to you |
| physical battering.Domestic abuse may include | | | | |
| emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual | | | | If you are injured, go to a doctor or |
| abuse, using children, threats, using male | | | | emergency room and report what happened to |
| privilege, intimidation, isolation and a | | | | you |
| variety of other behaviors used to maintain | | | | |
| fear, intimidation and power. In all | | | | Make sure that they record your visit |
| cultures, the perpetrators are most commonly | | | | |
| the men of the family. | | | | Make sure that your children know that it is |
| | | | their job to stay safe, not protect you |
| Nearly one in three adult women experiences | | | | |
| at least one physical assault by a partner | | | | Keep a journal of all violent incidences |
| during adulthood, according to the American | | | | |
| Psychological Association in a 1996 | | | | Start an individual savings account and have |
| report.Domestic abuse does not discriminate | | | | statements sent to a trusted friend |
| against race, age and socioeconomic | | | | |
| background. No specific type of woman is more | | | | Acquire job skills |
| prone to being battered by her partner, nor | | | | |
| is one type of woman completely safe from | | | | If you must sneak away, leave extra money, |
| abuse.What Victims of Domestic Violence Need | | | | extra car keys, important papers, and extra |
| to Know?The abuse is not your fault | | | | set of clothes for yourself and children with |
| | | | a trusted friend (avoid family members and |
| You don't deserve to be abused | | | | mutual friends who may be influenced by the |
| | | | abuser). Include a list of important numbers |
| You can't change someone who is abusive | | | | (insurance numbers, driver's license, |
| | | | medication, checkbook, credit card numbers, |
| Staying in the relationship won't stop the | | | | etc.) |
| abuse | | | | |
| | | | Practice effective Self Defense Tricks... |
| With time the abuse always gets worse | | | | just in caseGetting OutWhat to do when |
| | | | leaving an abusive relationship?If you are |
| If you stay, make a plan to keep yourself | | | | contemplating leaving an abusive |
| safe when the abuse happens again | | | | relationship, there are some things you |
| | | | should do that may assist you in the process |
| You CAN Fight Back!Signs of Domestic | | | | of leaving:Make a safety planWrite down |
| AbuseActs of domestic violence generally fall | | | | Contact Places in the community for support |
| into one or more of these categories:Physical | | | | |
| battering -- The abuser's physical attacks or | | | | Assess your safety and that of your children |
| aggressive behavior can range from bruising | | | | |
| to murder.Sexual abuse -- Physical attack by | | | | |
| the abuser is often accompanied by or | | | | Contact a shelter for a safe place to stay |
| culminates in, sexual violence.Psychological | | | | |
| battering -- The abuser's psychological or | | | | Seek interim custody |
| mental violence can include constant verbal | | | | |
| abuse, harassment, excessive possessiveness, | | | | Seek a support system from family, friends |
| isolating the woman from friends and family, | | | | and advocates |
| and depriving her of food, money, clothes, | | | | |
| and destroying her personal property. | | | | Be prepared, it helps you in a case of |
| | | | emergencyMake an Escape PlanMake sure you |
| Be Prepared!If you have been assaulted, you | | | | have important documents |
| can report it to the police.The Criminal Code | | | | |
| says that assault is a criminal offence. The | | | | Save money in secret when you can |
| Code describes three types of assault and | | | | |
| sets maximum penalties (called sentences) for | | | | Keep extra keys and clothes with friends |
| each type.The three types of assault are: | | | | |
| | | | Plan out all possible escape routes - doors, |
| Simple assault (most common assault). | | | | first floor windows, elevators, stairwells |
| Examples are slapping, pushing or shoving, | | | | and rehearse escape routes with your children |
| punching or threatening that he or she will | | | | |
| harm you or your children.Assault with a | | | | |
| weapon or causing bodily harm. Examples are | | | | Arrange a safe place to go such as a friend |
| an assault where you are beaten with a | | | | or relative who will offer unconditional |
| baseball bat or an assault where you get a | | | | support - or a motel, hotel, or shelter |
| black eye or broken bones.Aggravated assault | | | | |
| is an assault where your life is endangered | | | | Memorize the telephone number of a domestic |
| or you are wounded, maimed or disfigured. | | | | violence shelter or call 911 |
| Examples are where the offender threatens to | | | | |
| kill you or where your injuries from the | | | | Secure transportation |
| assault leave you with a limp or | | | | |
| scars.Warning signs of an Abusive | | | | Work out a signal system with a friend or |
| RelationshipAre you frightened of your | | | | other family members so that they know you |
| partner's temper? | | | | are in danger |
| | | | |
| Are you often compliant because you are | | | | Go when he is gone |
| afraid to hurt your partner's feelings or are | | | | |
| afraid of your partner's anger? | | | | Don't tell him you are leaving |
| | | | |
| Do you have the urge to "rescue" your | | | | Create an excuse to slip away |
| partner when your partner is in trouble? | | | | |
| | | | Avoid arguments in areas with potential |
| Do you find yourself apologizing to others | | | | weapons such as the kitchen, garage, or in |
| for your partner's behavior when you are | | | | small spaces without escape routes |
| treated badly? | | | | |
| | | | When leaving your home, be aware. Your |
| Have you been hit, kicked, shoved, or had | | | | spouse may try to hurt you to stop you |
| things thrown at you by your partner when he | | | | escaping |
| was jealous or angry? | | | | |
| | | | Start to learn self defense techniques |
| Do you make decisions about activities and | | | | immediately!What can you do if you have been |
| friends according to what your partner wants | | | | abused?You can, and you should talk to |
| or how your partner will react? | | | | someone about the abuse. You can tell a |
| | | | family member, a friend, or your doctor. You |
| Do you drink or use drugs to dull the pain | | | | can also talk to a support group in your |
| or join your partner so he won't get mad? | | | | community. Women's centers and legal aid |
| | | | offices may be able to tell you of other |
| Do you consent easily to your partner to | | | | services which offer help.You can get medical |
| avoid angering him? | | | | help - if you have been hurt you can go to |
| | | | your doctor or to the Emergency Department at |
| What are some of the warning signs? | | | | a hospital. If your injuries are visible you |
| | | | can have pictures taken. They can be used in |
| He is extremely jealous. | | | | court should you decide to lay assault |
| | | | charges. There are special medical and |
| Wants to know where you are at all times. | | | | police procedures for sexual assault cases. |
| | | | For more information, check the Sexual |
| Gets upset if you spend time with friends or | | | | Assault Department and the law in your |
| family. | | | | country.You can apply for a peace bond (in |
| | | | the countries where this system exist)A peace |
| Holds rigid expectations of male/female or | | | | bond or 'recognizance' is a paper signed by a |
| adult/child role. | | | | person (such as a spouse) promising to keep |
| | | | the peace and be of good behavior. The peace |
| He expects you to meet his emotional needs. | | | | bond may have other conditions such as |
| | | | requiring the person to stay away from your |
| Blames others and you for his problems. | | | | home or place of work. A peace bond may last |
| | | | for up to one year. The judge decides how |
| Threatens you with violence.There may be | | | | long it will last.You have to go to court to |
| many other warning signs; you can phone the | | | | get a peace bond. You do not have to be |
| nearest Woman's Shelter for further | | | | assaulted to apply nor do you have to lay |
| information.Do something before it's too | | | | assault charges. You do have to convince the |
| late!In your contact with any family member, | | | | judge that you have a reasonable fear of the |
| the following observations should be | | | | offender. The offender will also be in |
| considered clues to the possibility of wife | | | | court.Finding a Place To GoWhen an assault |
| assault. | | | | occurs you should attempt to protect |
| | | | yourself. One way you might do this is to |
| A history of wife assault or child abuse in | | | | leave the home. If you don't have a friend or |
| his family of origin. | | | | family member with whom you can safely stay, |
| | | | and cannot afford a motel, there are shelters |
| A suspicion of child abuse or sexual abuse | | | | in your country which will accommodate you in |
| in his role as a father. | | | | an emergency. The RCMP or the police, if |
| | | | requested, will escort you out of the family |
| Abuse of drugs or alcohol.A history of | | | | home to any safe place you specify.If there |
| suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts.Such | | | | are no shelters for you in the vicinity, the |
| characteristics as:Impulsiveness | | | | Salvation Army may be able to provide |
| | | | temporary assistance. It might also be |
| Temper tantrums | | | | worthwhile to check with the local Crisis |
| | | | Line or Help Line which may be able to |
| Jealousy | | | | provide a list of the organizations that can |
| | | | help during a crisis.National Domestic |
| Possessiveness | | | | Violence/Abuse Hotline |
| | | | |
| Excessive dependence on his wife | | | | 1-800-799-SAFE |
| | | | |
| ImmaturityWhat do we know about abusers?They | | | | 1-800-799-7233 |
| try to isolate victims from family and | | | | |
| friends | | | | 1-800-787-3224 |
| | | | |
| They minimize and deny their behavior | | | | TDD 24-hour-a-day hotline staffed by trained |
| | | | counselors ready to provide immediate crisis |
| They veil power and control over others | | | | intervention assistance to those in need. |
| | | | Callers can be connected directly to help in |
| They blame victims | | | | their communities, including emergency |
| | | | services and shelters as well as receive |
| They distrust others | | | | information and referrals, counseling and |
| | | | assistance in reporting abuse. |
| They often have been victims or witnessed | | | | |
| abuse | | | | This is a vital lifeline to anyone - man, |
| | | | woman or child - who is a survivor of |
| They usually have low self-esteem | | | | domestic violence, or who suspects that |
| | | | someone they know may be the victim of abuse. |
| They are not in touch with their own | | | | Calls to the hotline are confidential, and |
| feelingsPreparing to LeaveKeep evidence of | | | | callers may remain anonymous if they wish. |
| abuse (i.e., pictures, police reports, etc.) | | | | |