| The most intense, heart-wrenching | | | | someone who was the most important |
| decision comes at the start: Should you | | | | person in your life. |
| get divorced? Much has led up to this | | | | The presence of children amplifies the |
| question, including the notions of | | | | problem. The younger the kids, the worse |
| separation and divorce. Up to now they | | | | it can be. Most children cannot help but |
| have only been thoughts and words, with | | | | feel torn when parents separate. |
| no immediate consequences. Now that you | | | | Divorce is often a financial earthquake |
| realize the time to decide has come, you | | | | for both parties. The family home might |
| have to contemplate action. The focus on | | | | be sold. Two households are set up, both |
| action clarifies the situation, but also | | | | having to accommodate the children. |
| makes it seem more difficult and scary. | | | | Unless both parties are rich, this will |
| Any number of scenarios might lead to | | | | affect your familys standard of living. |
| the end of a marriage. Sometimes theres | | | | Whether the problem is mental, |
| no choice; its your spouse who crosses | | | | spiritual, or a combination of factors, |
| the line. Often an affair ends a | | | | divorce is a step you should examine |
| marriage. Other times physical abuse | | | | carefully. If there is no physical abuse |
| occurs, and the marriage becomes | | | | in the picture, you may want to go to |
| dangerous and intolerable. Circumstances | | | | couples counseling before making the |
| like these leave little choice in the | | | | final decision. Offer to go with your |
| matter. A divorce becomes the only | | | | spouse to see a therapist. Put it in |
| acceptable step. | | | | positive terms, and make it a |
| But many divorces arise out of | | | | wholehearted offer. If you dont think of |
| situations that are far less | | | | it this way, counseling will have little |
| cut-and-dried. You may find that your | | | | chance of having any value. Your spouse |
| marriage has grown dull. You look at | | | | may say no, but you will have tried. |
| your mate and realize that all the | | | | If there is abuse, either physical or |
| physical attraction you felt is gone. Or | | | | mental, couples counseling is almost |
| maybe the emptiness is in a different | | | | certainly not the right course. Spousal |
| area. You might feel restricted, and | | | | or child abuse should not be tolerated. |
| even suffocated in everything you do. | | | | If it happens you need to protect |
| Your soul mate is no longer your soul | | | | yourself. In such a case you should |
| mate. Your lives have grown apart. In | | | | simply look for the quickest, safest way |
| situations like these others may still | | | | out. Appeal to friends and family or, if |
| see your marriage as ideal, but deep | | | | necessary, go to a shelter. Do whatever |
| down you feel it is all pain and misery. | | | | you must do to effectively separate |
| This may be one-sided. One partner may | | | | yourself and your children from your |
| think everything is fine, while the | | | | spouse, then look for a lawyer. |
| other only wants out. Or you may be | | | | Has your spouse cheated? For me this was |
| gasping for breath, and not even knowing | | | | the cause of my divorce. Some will be |
| it. If you come to the realization that | | | | able to forgive their spouse and try to |
| your marriage is failing, should you get | | | | save the marriage. I was unable to |
| a divorce? | | | | accept my husbands affair and he quickly |
| Before you take any steps you should | | | | changed into a different person, both |
| contemplate where they might lead. | | | | emotionally and physically, leaving me |
| Divorce is a painful, difficult choice. | | | | no choice but to file for divorce. |
| Ending a marriage is almost never easy, | | | | I know from my own experience, and from |
| even when both sides agree that they no | | | | observation of many divorces, that your |
| longer love each other. When one spouse | | | | road ahead is long, frustrating, and |
| still has deep feeling and the other | | | | probably ugly. The best scenario would |
| doesnt, or when there is any sense of | | | | be that you and your spouse begin by |
| imbalance at allwhether it be emotional, | | | | meeting with a mediator to agree on a |
| financial, or professionalthat can only | | | | fair settlement. If this route is |
| make it worse. In most cases you are | | | | possible it will save both of you |
| ending a long relationship. There was | | | | thousands in legal fees. If you feel |
| love here once, and intensity. You are | | | | that your spouse will agree to an |
| considering cutting the cord with | | | | amicable divorce, this is the way to go. |