| The most intense, heart-wrenching decision | | | | The presence of children amplifies the |
| comes at the start: Should you get divorced? | | | | problem. The younger the kids, the worse it |
| Much has led up to this question, including | | | | can be. Most children cannot help but feel |
| the notions of separation and divorce. Up to | | | | torn when parents separate. |
| now they have only been thoughts and words, | | | | |
| with no immediate consequences. Now that you | | | | Divorce is often a financial earthquake for |
| realize the time to decide has come, you have | | | | both parties. The family home might be sold. |
| to contemplate action. The focus on action | | | | Two households are set up, both having to |
| clarifies the situation, but also makes it | | | | accommodate the children. Unless both parties |
| seem more difficult and scary. | | | | are rich, this will affect your familys |
| | | | standard of living. |
| Any number of scenarios might lead to the end | | | | |
| of a marriage. Sometimes theres no choice; | | | | Whether the problem is mental, spiritual, or |
| its your spouse who crosses the line. Often | | | | a combination of factors, divorce is a step |
| an affair ends a marriage. Other times | | | | you should examine carefully. If there is no |
| physical abuse occurs, and the marriage | | | | physical abuse in the picture, you may want |
| becomes dangerous and intolerable. | | | | to go to couples counseling before making the |
| Circumstances like these leave little choice | | | | final decision. Offer to go with your spouse |
| in the matter. A divorce becomes the only | | | | to see a therapist. Put it in positive terms, |
| acceptable step. | | | | and make it a wholehearted offer. If you dont |
| | | | think of it this way, counseling will have |
| But many divorces arise out of situations | | | | little chance of having any value. Your |
| that are far less cut-and-dried. You may find | | | | spouse may say no, but you will have tried. |
| that your marriage has grown dull. You look | | | | |
| at your mate and realize that all the | | | | If there is abuse, either physical or mental, |
| physical attraction you felt is gone. Or | | | | couples counseling is almost certainly not |
| maybe the emptiness is in a different area. | | | | the right course. Spousal or child abuse |
| You might feel restricted, and even | | | | should not be tolerated. If it happens you |
| suffocated in everything you do. Your soul | | | | need to protect yourself. In such a case you |
| mate is no longer your soul mate. Your lives | | | | should simply look for the quickest, safest |
| have grown apart. In situations like these | | | | way out. Appeal to friends and family or, if |
| others may still see your marriage as ideal, | | | | necessary, go to a shelter. Do whatever you |
| but deep down you feel it is all pain and | | | | must do to effectively separate yourself and |
| misery. This may be one-sided. One partner | | | | your children from your spouse, then look for |
| may think everything is fine, while the other | | | | a lawyer. |
| only wants out. Or you may be gasping for | | | | |
| breath, and not even knowing it. If you come | | | | Has your spouse cheated? For me this was the |
| to the realization that your marriage is | | | | cause of my divorce. Some will be able to |
| failing, should you get a divorce? | | | | forgive their spouse and try to save the |
| | | | marriage. I was unable to accept my husbands |
| Before you take any steps you should | | | | affair and he quickly changed into a |
| contemplate where they might lead. Divorce is | | | | different person, both emotionally and |
| a painful, difficult choice. Ending a | | | | physically, leaving me no choice but to file |
| marriage is almost never easy, even when both | | | | for divorce. |
| sides agree that they no longer love each | | | | |
| other. When one spouse still has deep feeling | | | | I know from my own experience, and from |
| and the other doesnt, or when there is any | | | | observation of many divorces, that your road |
| sense of imbalance at allwhether it be | | | | ahead is long, frustrating, and probably |
| emotional, financial, or professionalthat can | | | | ugly. The best scenario would be that you and |
| only make it worse. In most cases you are | | | | your spouse begin by meeting with a mediator |
| ending a long relationship. There was love | | | | to agree on a fair settlement. If this route |
| here once, and intensity. You are considering | | | | is possible it will save both of you |
| cutting the cord with someone who was the | | | | thousands in legal fees. If you feel that |
| most important person in your life. | | | | your spouse will agree to an amicable |
| | | | divorce, this is the way to go. |