| The most intense, heart-wrenching decision comes at | | | | The presence of children amplifies the problem. The |
| the start: Should you get divorced? Much has led up | | | | younger the kids, the worse it can be. Most children |
| to this question, including the notions of separation | | | | cannot help but feel torn when parents separate. |
| and divorce. Up to now they have only been | | | | Divorce is often a financial earthquake for both |
| thoughts and words, with no immediate | | | | parties. The family home might be sold. Two |
| consequences. Now that you realize the time to | | | | households are set up, both having to accommodate |
| decide has come, you have to contemplate action. | | | | the children. Unless both parties are rich, this will |
| The focus on action clarifies the situation, but also | | | | affect your familys standard of living. |
| makes it seem more difficult and scary. | | | | Whether the problem is mental, spiritual, or a |
| Any number of scenarios might lead to the end of a | | | | combination of factors, divorce is a step you should |
| marriage. Sometimes theres no choice; its your | | | | examine carefully. If there is no physical abuse in the |
| spouse who crosses the line. Often an affair ends a | | | | picture, you may want to go to couples counseling |
| marriage. Other times physical abuse occurs, and the | | | | before making the final decision. Offer to go with |
| marriage becomes dangerous and intolerable. | | | | your spouse to see a therapist. Put it in positive |
| Circumstances like these leave little choice in the | | | | terms, and make it a wholehearted offer. If you dont |
| matter. A divorce becomes the only acceptable step. | | | | think of it this way, counseling will have little chance |
| But many divorces arise out of situations that are far | | | | of having any value. Your spouse may say no, but |
| less cut-and-dried. You may find that your marriage | | | | you will have tried. |
| has grown dull. You look at your mate and realize | | | | If there is abuse, either physical or mental, couples |
| that all the physical attraction you felt is gone. Or | | | | counseling is almost certainly not the right course. |
| maybe the emptiness is in a different area. You | | | | Spousal or child abuse should not be tolerated. If it |
| might feel restricted, and even suffocated in | | | | happens you need to protect yourself. In such a |
| everything you do. Your soul mate is no longer your | | | | case you should simply look for the quickest, safest |
| soul mate. Your lives have grown apart. In situations | | | | way out. Appeal to friends and family or, if |
| like these others may still see your marriage as ideal, | | | | necessary, go to a shelter. Do whatever you must |
| but deep down you feel it is all pain and misery. This | | | | do to effectively separate yourself and your children |
| may be one-sided. One partner may think everything | | | | from your spouse, then look for a lawyer. |
| is fine, while the other only wants out. Or you may | | | | Has your spouse cheated? For me this was the |
| be gasping for breath, and not even knowing it. If | | | | cause of my divorce. Some will be able to forgive |
| you come to the realization that your marriage is | | | | their spouse and try to save the marriage. I was |
| failing, should you get a divorce? | | | | unable to accept my husbands affair and he quickly |
| Before you take any steps you should contemplate | | | | changed into a different person, both emotionally and |
| where they might lead. Divorce is a painful, difficult | | | | physically, leaving me no choice but to file for divorce. |
| choice. Ending a marriage is almost never easy, even | | | | I know from my own experience, and from |
| when both sides agree that they no longer love each | | | | observation of many divorces, that your road ahead |
| other. When one spouse still has deep feeling and the | | | | is long, frustrating, and probably ugly. The best |
| other doesnt, or when there is any sense of | | | | scenario would be that you and your spouse begin |
| imbalance at allwhether it be emotional, financial, or | | | | by meeting with a mediator to agree on a fair |
| professionalthat can only make it worse. In most | | | | settlement. If this route is possible it will save both of |
| cases you are ending a long relationship. There was | | | | you thousands in legal fees. If you feel that your |
| love here once, and intensity. You are considering | | | | spouse will agree to an amicable divorce, this is the |
| cutting the cord with someone who was the most | | | | way to go. |
| important person in your life. | | | | |