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Article #149: Growing Up: Wounds And Traumas That Happened To You That Will Draw Unhealthy Relationships To Yourself

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Relationships are like physical magnets. are unable to relate with any individual
That is why you find that most people who for long periods of time. Even when they
enter into a relationship are alike. This enter into a relationship they enter
also applies to children who have been hesitantly. They are always worried of
abused during their childhood. They getting into one more unhappy
somehow attract other adults who have had relationship.
similar experience. If possible, they would like to find
However, very few of these relationships someone who can give them solace; erase
tend to be stable. People who have had a their painful memories, and make them
traumatic childhood need more mature live normally. But where can they find
partners. They don't need partners who such partners? Their subconscious mind
are emotionally and mentally scarred. keeps telling them to be on guard; and
Unfortunately, as the Law of Attraction not to enter into another bruising
states, they continue to attract partners relationship. That is why most of their
who are like them. relationships are brief and unnatural.
Kinds of child abuse Children of divorced families
However, before examining relationships We should also not forget children whose
between adults who have had a traumatic parents break up during their growing
childhood it is important to understand years. These children may not suffer from
the different kinds of child abuse. any direct abuse but emotionally they are
Psychologists recognize four clear acts shattered. The effect is especially
of abuse. These are: noticeable among those children who have
1. Physical abuse: This happens when seen their parents inflict physical and
children are repeatedly beaten by hands, emotional wounds upon each other. Such
fists, sticks etc for small misdemeanors. children tend to slip into depression,
Physical abuse may leave permanent scars, become unnaturally quiet and withdrawn or
both physical and emotional. turn into bullies.
2. Sexual acts: This happens when They too, when they become adults, get
children are forced to touch private attracted to men and women who come from
parts or are made to commit unnatural divorced families. Many of them would not
acts. Most children end up getting like their partners to go through the
confused, and feeling dirty and same private hell as their parents did.
unhealthy. But the insecurity of the past does not
3. Emotional abuse: In this case the leave them untouched. Many of them end up
child is deprived love, affection or going through similar motions, sooner
acceptance within the family. Instead the than later.
child may is constantly shouted at, Can counseling help
criticized, ridiculed and verbally The experience is especially nightmarish
abused. for those individuals who happen to have
4. Neglect: This happens when a child is suffered similar abuse during childhood.
deprived of proper food, warmth, shelter, They may be initially attracted to each
clothing etc. The child then hungers for other when they first share their
material and emotional comforts and may experiences. They may get a feeling that
grow up to have an unhealthy affinity for they have finally found someone who can
physical needs. relate to them. But this euphoria is
The unfortunate thing is that most acts short-lived. It is not long before they
of child abuse are either committed by start getting into each other's way, and
parents, elder brothers, sisters, start blaming each other for their
stepfathers, stepmothers, babysitters or troubles. The anger and hurt may even be
by people who form the immediate family. passed onto unsuspecting children. It is
In very rare cases a child will suffer at like a vicious cycle, a story of pain
the hands of an outsider. without end.
The result is that the child does not What is needed is mature counseling, and
grow up into a healthy individual. Deep the willingness to change. The counseling
within this individual is a child who is especially helpful in those cases
feels threatened and abused all the time. where both the partners seek it together.
The individual is like a split They then find one more reason to hold
personality, normal on the surface but onto each other. Otherwise, victims of
irrational inside. child abuse, who did not get proper
The behavior of these individuals also counseling when they were children,
tends to be unpredictable. They will continue to live like the proverbial bull
behave normally most of the time. But in the china shop hurting themselves and
there will be times when they may turn everyone around them.
violent, abusive, and aggressive. They






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