| The Lieutenant runs into the tent screaming "General, | | | | decisions because you're afraid to be wrong? That's |
| general, the enemy is advancing. We only have 3 | | | | your hiding place of shame. If you're afraid to be |
| minutes before they get to our position." General | | | | wrong, this is a clue that you feel inadequate |
| Smith pauses and thinks. He thinks some more. Two | | | | somehow. Like you're afraid you'll fail or make the |
| minutes later, the Lieutenant screams "General, we | | | | wrong decision. That's a clue that this is an |
| only have one minute, what do we do?" | | | | aftereffect of the abuse. |
| Unfortunately General Smith still can't make up his | | | | The best way to overcome it is by practice and |
| mind... | | | | therapy. |
| Are you a bit like General Smith when it comes to | | | | Practice making decisions. Give yourself 60 seconds |
| making decisions? Do you take a lot more time than | | | | to decide what you want for dinner. If you reach the |
| you want to? Then you just might have some | | | | time limit and you still haven't decided, order the first |
| feelings of shame you're unaware of. | | | | thing you see off the menu. This reinforced time limit |
| Shame is a feeling of inadequacy about yourself. | | | | helps you begin making decisions quickly. After awhile, |
| These feelings of shame can manifest themselves in | | | | you'll find it easier to decide. |
| your life as feelings of confusion, loneliness, anger, | | | | If you're overcoming child abuse, then working with a |
| bitterness, and emptiness. You may know you're | | | | therapist to help you process unresolved trauma will |
| having these feelings. But you may not know where | | | | be one of the keys to your healing. As you're |
| they're coming from or how they're impacting your | | | | cleaning out your psychological "clock" so to speak, |
| life. | | | | you'll find those feelings of shame begin to empty |
| Shame comes from your childhood. | | | | away. Now you're dealing with the cause and not |
| It's actually pretty simple. The sense of shame you | | | | just the effect. |
| feel comes from the abuse you experienced as a | | | | But how do you know whether you're just being a |
| child. If you had a loving, healthy family with clear | | | | careful thinker or you truly are suffering from |
| boundaries and that engendered feelings of trust, | | | | shame? |
| you probably developed a sense of healthy | | | | It's a simple litmus test. Just examine some of your |
| self-esteem. If you were abused and not allowed to | | | | past decisions that took a while. Did they take a |
| deal with the resulting trauma in a safe environment, | | | | while because you were genuinely examining all the |
| you are carrying the effects of the trauma with you. | | | | pros and cons? Or did they take a while because you |
| One of these effects is a painful feeling of shame. | | | | were afraid to try, afraid to be wrong, or afraid to |
| And "analysis paralysis" is the effect. | | | | make a mistake in front of others? If you're careful |
| You may notice that sometimes it takes you awhile | | | | analysis comes from a fear of making mistakes, |
| to make decisions. You may hem and haw like the | | | | you've probably got some feelings of shame to |
| general up there over something as simple as figuring | | | | contend with. |
| out what you want for dinner. Or perhaps it's over | | | | If that's the case, practice the art of quick decisions. |
| something bigger like whether or not you should try | | | | Start small (like choosing what to eat) and work your |
| a new career. You circle over and over in your mind, | | | | way up. You'll get the hang of it. A good dose of |
| always analyzing, never really making a clear decision. | | | | therapy never hurt either. When you overcome |
| Now indecision is a part of life, but "analysis paralysis" | | | | "analysis paralysis", you'll be a successful general |
| is part of the overall pattern of shame. | | | | making all the right decisions. |
| Ask yourself - do you have a hard time making | | | | |