How Analysis Paralysis Can Cover Up Your Feelings of Shame If You're a Child Abuse Survivor

The Lieutenant runs into the tent screaming "General,decisions because you're afraid to be wrong? That's
general, the enemy is advancing. We only have 3your hiding place of shame. If you're afraid to be
minutes before they get to our position." General Smithwrong, this is a clue that you feel inadequate
pauses and thinks. He thinks some more. Two minutessomehow. Like you're afraid you'll fail or make the
later, the Lieutenant screams "General, we only havewrong decision. That's a clue that this is an aftereffect
one minute, what do we do?" Unfortunately Generalof the abuse.
Smith still can't make up his mind...The best way to overcome it is by practice and
Are you a bit like General Smith when it comes totherapy.
making decisions? Do you take a lot more time thanPractice making decisions. Give yourself 60 seconds
you want to? Then you just might have some feelingsto decide what you want for dinner. If you reach the
of shame you're unaware of.time limit and you still haven't decided, order the first
Shame is a feeling of inadequacy about yourself.thing you see off the menu. This reinforced time limit
These feelings of shame can manifest themselves inhelps you begin making decisions quickly. After awhile,
your life as feelings of confusion, loneliness, anger,you'll find it easier to decide.
bitterness, and emptiness. You may know you'reIf you're overcoming child abuse, then working with a
having these feelings. But you may not know wheretherapist to help you process unresolved trauma will
they're coming from or how they're impacting your life.be one of the keys to your healing. As you're cleaning
Shame comes from your childhood.out your psychological "clock" so to speak, you'll find
It's actually pretty simple. The sense of shame you feelthose feelings of shame begin to empty away. Now
comes from the abuse you experienced as a child. Ifyou're dealing with the cause and not just the effect.
you had a loving, healthy family with clear boundariesBut how do you know whether you're just being a
and that engendered feelings of trust, you probablycareful thinker or you truly are suffering from shame?
developed a sense of healthy self-esteem. If youIt's a simple litmus test. Just examine some of your
were abused and not allowed to deal with the resultingpast decisions that took a while. Did they take a while
trauma in a safe environment, you are carrying thebecause you were genuinely examining all the pros
effects of the trauma with you. One of these effectsand cons? Or did they take a while because you
is a painful feeling of shame.were afraid to try, afraid to be wrong, or afraid to
And "analysis paralysis" is the effect.make a mistake in front of others? If you're careful
You may notice that sometimes it takes you awhile toanalysis comes from a fear of making mistakes,
make decisions. You may hem and haw like theyou've probably got some feelings of shame to
general up there over something as simple as figuringcontend with.
out what you want for dinner. Or perhaps it's overIf that's the case, practice the art of quick decisions.
something bigger like whether or not you should try aStart small (like choosing what to eat) and work your
new career. You circle over and over in your mind,way up. You'll get the hang of it. A good dose of
always analyzing, never really making a clear decision.therapy never hurt either. When you overcome
Now indecision is a part of life, but "analysis paralysis""analysis paralysis", you'll be a successful general
is part of the overall pattern of shame.making all the right decisions.
Ask yourself - do you have a hard time making