"How To" Tips For Discussing Child Abduction and Molestation with Your Kids

Not an easy subject right? Before we begin, thecan't talk to you - you need to go and ask an adult'.
important thing to remember is that you don't wantMake sure they know never to approach the car to
to terrify your kids about the world we live in, orengage in conversation.Equally this age group may
make them feel nervous on a daily basis. In particularfeel obliged if someone struggling with their shopping
with younger ones, we all know children are prone tobags or having trouble lifting something into a car
nightmares when their imaginations are active aboutasks them for help. Adults should ask other adults for
any kind of predator.This is important for you as ahelp - not children! Advise your child that if this ever
parent also. We ARE very fortunate in Australia thathappens to them, not to go over and help the
the rate of non-parental child abductions is low inperson, but to say "I'll just go and find an adult to
comparison to other countries. In our eyes though ahelp you". If applicable your child should then go into a
'low' rate is still too many, and our aim is that NOshop and speak to the shopkeeper only (again, not
children or their families will ever have to go throughjust a shopper), to advise them someone is wanting
the unthinkable. Other well reported statistics on thehelp outside.Common Tactics of Abductors
rates of child sexual abuse are far too high though,We've already mentioned what your child should do
so some of the tips we'll cover here are pertinent toif an adult approaches them for help, but there are
helping your children protect themselves in thesemany other well known 'tricks' used to lure children
situations as well.Let's start with what NOT to say.away from safety. The obvious one is an adult
Most of us have been brought up with the traditionaloffering gifts or lollies, or suggesting the child come
'stranger danger' message. "Don't go with a stranger"and look at some cute little kittens or puppies. Teach
has been proven to be horribly ineffective in keepingyour kids (all ages) that these are common tricks,
kids safe. So first rule of thumb is leave the wordand if anyone ever tells them they have something
'stranger' out of your vocabulary when discussinggreat to show them, they should ignore the offer
safety with your kids. Why's this?Research hasand go immediately to a trusted adult or to a group
shown that most children when asked who aof other kids to tell them.Another example is where
stranger is, will say 'someone mean or ugly looking'.an adult may say to a child "quickly, come with me,
They simply won't view a nice looking lady or a kindyour mummy/daddy has been hurt and they want
looking man as someone they should steer clear of.me to take you to them." Let your kids know that if
When you think about it, we too probably only avoidsomething has ever happened to you for real, you
a 'strange' looking character who tries to talk to us inwould only send a family member/teacher etc. to get
the street. In terms of child sexual abuse, thethem. Stress that, even though it might sound very
majority of children are molested by someone theplausible because the person seems to know family
family knows, sometimes by an actual familynames, they should go and find a trusted adult who
member. So advising children that only strangers arecan check it out. Go over again with your kids that,
capable of harming them will place your children offalthough they may slightly know the person who is
guard.For older children (around ten yrs plus) it shouldtelling them to come with them, they shouldn't feel
be ok to give the real reasons as to why you arebad about saying no, and getting assistance from
concerned about child abductions and the tragicsomeone they know well.More Hypothetical Scenarios
outcomes of some of these. For younger childrenGod forbid your child has found themselves
though, we see absolutely no need for them tovulnerable in a dangerous situation, but should
understand that there are people in the world whosomeone have managed to take your child, role play
take children to sexually abuse and sometimeswhat the person may say to them to get them to
murder them. It is far better, and more advisable to'shut up'. Obviously an abductor/molester will want to
'stretch the truth' a little and tell them something likehush a screaming child and may say things like "stop
"there are people out there who don't have childrenscreaming or I'll hurt your mother/father etc". Let
of their own, so they try and steal someone else'syour kids know that this will not happen! and they
child". This, in our opinion, is far easier for a little childare to scream, kick, scratch and punch for all their
to comprehend, and while scary enough in thoughtmight. Yelling out "He/She's not my mum/dad!" or "I
for them to take heed of what you say, won'tdon't know this person!" is also advised. If your child
create unnecessary terror in their little heads.Somehas on his/her AmberWatch, then the alarm alert will
65% of non-parental child abductions are committedreally help draw attention from passer's by to the
by someone the child or the childs' parents havesituation.Even with sexual molestation cases, children
actually met before, no matter how briefly. (We sayare often told by the perpetrator to keep quiet
non-parental because the rate of disgruntledabout what has happened, or he will 'hurt' someone
non-custodial parents who kidnap their children areelse in the family, or something equally as terrible. If
much higher than abductions from other people.)your child knows in advance that this is yet another
Think of some scenarios where you have had awell known 'trick' to keep them quiet, they can focus
friendly, albeit brief banter going with someone youon protecting themselves, without the added fear
don't know. A tradesperson that has come to yourand guilt that they may be causing more harm to
home; someone you chatted with in line at the postothers.Be Specific about 'No Go' areas of the Body.
office or in the general neighbourhood; a salespersonFor the average parent, statistics that 1 in 4 girls
coming to your door. All your child needs is toand 1 in 7 boys will experience some kind of sexual
witness is you having a chat or a laugh with someonemolestation in their childhood, is heartbreaking. Make
seemingly 'nice', and the child no longer views themsure your children know that any part of their body
as a stranger if they happen to come across themthat a swimming costume covers is a 'No Go' area
again. If mum is out the front gardening and little Sallyfor anybody other than a trusted family member.
sees her chatting to someone walking past with theirThis also includes touching parts of an adults body.
cute dog, Sally is far more likely to let this personMake sure your child knows that any sexual advance
chat to her if she is out in the front garden withouttowards them is against the law. This will give them
mum a few days later - especially if they have thatthe confidence to assert themselves if they know it's
cute little dog with them! Remember, mosta legal crime, rather than just something mum or dad
paedophiles are incredibly child savvy and personabledon't want.Keep open communication with your
with children.So What Do You Say?children and encourage them to talk to you about
The best approach is to teach young children not toanything without guilt. Remember, paedophiles often
talk to ANYONE if you, a teacher, carer or otheruse the "our little secret" ruse.On a final note,
parent is not by their side. This may not sit well withmolesters are very good at detecting attention
parent's hoping to instill politeness into their kids, butaffection starved kids. Address any work/home life
it's by far the safest move. If an adult or responsiblebalances before it's too late, knowing the effort you
carer is not by their side, there is no need forput into your children today will sow the seeds for
cordiality, and most adults today will understandthe next generation of emotionally healthy
that.If your child is old enough to walk to and fromadults.Jo-Anne Rowland is the director of
school on their own, or travel down to the shopsAmberWatch Australia, the Australian distributor of
without you, they need to understand how to reactthe AmberWatch. Recently featured on CNN's Youth
in certain circumstances. For example:No adult shouldTrend Report and currently taking the child protection
ask a child for help or directions. Kids can be caughtworld by storm, the AmberWatch is being heralded
off guard if someone pulls over in a car while they'reas a 'first of it's kind' child prevention/protection
walking along or riding their bike. If the person yellsproduct. The beautiful Teri Hatcher has just been
out for directions, let your child know it's ok for themannounced as the international spokesperson.
to not respond, or they can simply say 'I'm sorry, I