| Why do women, especially in America, put up with | | | | all the way through, "sets up residence" inside, and |
| the outrage of physical, sexual, and verbal abuse? | | | | feeds a "false self," he says. |
| One main reason is absolute obedience to the | | | | Prisoners of war experience the same sensation |
| messages of childhood, when they were first | | | | through brainwashing. The barrier of the self is |
| maltreated. They blame themselves for the abuse | | | | weakened by the infliction of excruciating pain that |
| and therefore truly believe they deserve no better, a | | | | continues beyond endurance. Combined with sleep |
| new author asserts. | | | | and food deprivation, the pain is applied with |
| According to Dr. Heyward Ewart, the greater the | | | | dehumanizing insults, in some way implanting the |
| abuse, the greater is the loyalty to the punisher. | | | | same message, no matter what words are used: |
| The "Stockholm Syndrome," observed at the end of | | | | "You are nobody." |
| World War II, is mysterious but very real. When the | | | | The brainwashing is complete when the tormentor |
| allied troops came to free the prisoners of war, | | | | has broken through and has begun to live inside the |
| when the fences were down and the captors in | | | | mind of the victim. This is the nature and the power |
| custody, some prisoners refused to leave the camp. | | | | of child abuse. |
| They would huddle and resist being moved. It was | | | | It is brainwashing of the first magnitude, |
| found that the captors who had been most cruel, | | | | accomplished with greater ease because the subject |
| most sadistic, and most forceful had won the | | | | is a child, without power. When done effectively, |
| greatest loyalty of their captives. | | | | brainwashing conditions the victim to accept the role |
| Thus, there is this dependable equation: the greater | | | | of captive permanently. |
| the abuse, the greater the obedience. | | | | Hence, in domestic violence, we do not have a new |
| It is Ewart's premise that the normal way for both | | | | occurrence of a destructive relationship resulting from |
| children and adults to react to abuse is to obey the | | | | a poor choice or a mistake that anyone could make. |
| message it conveys. Herein lies the reason that | | | | We have a continuation of the same earlier |
| victims are so resistant to change, even when | | | | brainwashing with one abuser continuing where the |
| competent therapy is provided. To disobey the | | | | other left off. |
| message of the tormentor is akin to being a traitor. | | | | Other reasons that battered, insulted, overly |
| Another factor is that terrifying abusers live as | | | | controlled, or humiliated women do not leave include |
| phantoms in the minds of their victims. Many an adult | | | | the following, according to Ewart: |
| woman, or man, feels that the original abuser, and | | | | 1. Hope that the partner will change. |
| often the present abuser, is "living in their head." This | | | | 2. Partially believing that trying harder will make a |
| almost magical presence in the mind of a victim is | | | | difference. |
| sometimes so acutely felt that it has a voice of its | | | | 3. Fear of what the partner may do in retaliation (a |
| own that can be confused as a hallucination. | | | | well-grounded fear, for which the victim needs |
| The communication is always negative and | | | | protection). |
| condemning and is continuously repeating the original | | | | 4. Not knowing what to do about the children. |
| message that "you are no good; you are not a real | | | | 5. Lack of money. |
| person; you dare not try to do better." | | | | 6. Having no place to go. |
| The difference between this kind of "voice" and | | | | 7. Not knowing whom to call. |
| hallucinations is that the former is more in line with a | | | | 8. Thinking nothing can be done. |
| constant flashback, or memory, so vivid that the | | | | 9. Fear of living alone, without support. |
| abuser can almost be heard; however, the victim | | | | 10. Thinking the problem isn't that bad, after all. |
| knows that the voice is a reliving experience. | | | | 11. Feeling the police and the courts won't help |
| Hallucinations, as they occur in schizophrenia, are | | | | enough or fast enough (true in many cities). |
| believed by the patient to be as real as any other | | | | 12. Religious and moral convictions. |
| truth, Ewart explains. | | | | 13. Fear of the unknown. |
| The child, or "true self," as he names it, can be | | | | A critical item to be added to the above list is that |
| thought of as having a semi-permeable layer of | | | | many women are not conscious of the fact that |
| protection around it. Such might also be thought of | | | | they are in an abusive relationship. Their life |
| as a boundary, or a wall, enclosing the self. The | | | | experience, with the internalized messages that |
| abuser, by attacking the personhood of his victim, | | | | define their self image, prevents them from |
| continuously assaults this barrier until at last he breaks | | | | recognizing how preposterous their situation is. |