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Reasons for Domestic Violence Seldom Understood

A few weeks ago my community paper publishedwhen the parent is at their 'wits end' or the
a letter to the editor which asked theparent(s) is/are in a bad mood about
question, "When will society stop domesticsomething which sometimes has no relationship
violence?"The answer to the question isto what the child did creates distrust. How
surprisingly simple, but difficult for peoplecan a child continue to trust a parent, who
to accept, because domestic violence ishas betrayed them? Children trust their
ensconced in the deepest fiber of manyparent implicitly, but once that trust has
families--religion. Many religions teach thatbeen betrayed it is seldom regained, because
'spare the rod, you spoil the child' or thatthere is no way to achieve reconciliation
the Bible, specifically the book of Proverbs,with a parent/person who doesn't acknowledge
commands spanking.There is a distinction,their unacceptable behavior.When will society
however, which is of key interest tostop domestic violence? The simple answer is:
fundamentalists, between the practice in KingWhen society stops sanctioning and promoting
Solomon's day of beating people on the backhitting or spanking children at home or in
for discipline. The latter is not prescribedschool. Twenty-two states allow corporal
anywhere in the Bible.Furthermore, it needspunishment with a wooden paddle in schools.
to be pointed out that the Old TestamentIs your state one of the twenty-two?
contains passages that could be (and in someAlabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado,
incidents have been) construed as divineFlorida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas,
endorsements of wife-beating, racial warfare,Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri,
slavery, the stoning to death of rebelliousNew Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma,
children and other behaviors that arePennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee,
outrageous by today's standards.If our lawsTexas and Wyoming allow paddling children
no longer allow these Biblical commands, whywith a wooden paddle in schools.The real
then do we hit children, a.k.a. chastening toquestion is "When will you stop sanctioning
supposedly correct unacceptable behavior?Theand promoting hitting/spanking of children in
answer is not complicated. We cannot conceiveyour community, your school, your state? As
this Biblical and society-sanctioned form ofVoltaire pointed out long ago: "We are not
child discipline as abuse until we canonly responsible for what we do, but also for
honestly acknowledge the mistreatment fromthat what we don't do." If you aren't part
our own childhood experiences and examine theof the solution, you are part of the problem.
shortcomings of our own parents.As long as weTake action to educate yourself and others
believe, "I was hit and I turned out OK," theabout this insidious crime against
practice of violence through spanking willchildren.1. "Punished for life: Canadian
continue to be perpetuated in the home withstudy links spanking to addiction and
the blessing of religion and a blind eye frompsychiatric disorders," Reuters, 1995-OCT-5.
society--unless of course the 'spanking' goesOnline at: Harriet McMillan, et al.,
too far and the child is bloodied and"Slapping and spanking in childhood and its
bruised.One fundamental commonality among allassociation with lifetime prevalence of
men and women in prison is the fact they werepsychiatric disorders in a general population
all spanked. If spanking created compliancesample," Canadian Medical Association
to rules of society, then why is this theJournal, 1999-OCT-5, at: Jane Gadd, "Spanked
only commonality among people who are on thechildren suffer intellectually," The Globe
wrong side of the law?Our laws and ourand Mail, Toronto ON, 1998-JUL-304. M.A.
cultural values are unambiguous concerningStraus, Corporal punishment of children and
adults who hit, attack or verbally threatenadult depression and suicidal ideation,"
other adults. Such behavior is recognized asChapter 5 of: "Beating the devil out of them:
criminal and we hold them accountable.WhyCorporal punishment in American families and
then when so much is at stake for society, doits effects on children," New Brunswick,
we accept and promote physical assault(2000), Page 60 to 77. Online at: This is a
against children? Then we wonder why there isPDF file. You may require software to read
domestic violence. Adults tend to repeat whatit. Software can be obtained free from: Adobe
they experienced more often than not. The oldAcrobat5. P. Greven, "Spare the child: The
saying, 'The acorn doesn't fall far from thereligious roots of physical punishment and
tree' makes this point. The child accepts thethe psychological impact of physical abuse,"
message, "If I don't like something someonesKnopf, (1991)6. Irvin Wolkoff, "Spanked child
says or does, hitting is the acceptablecan become self-loathing adult," The Toronto
response."As a physical and sexual abuseStar, 1999-NOV-26, Page F4.7. E. Larzelere,
prevention specialist, I have heard all the"A review of the outcomes of parental use of
rationales why spanking is the only form ofnon-abusive or customary physical
discipline some children seem to need inpunishment," Pediatrics 98:824-8318. Patricia
order to get the message. All theseMcBroom, "UC Berkeley study finds no lasting
rationales are biologically faulty, becauseharm among adolescents from moderate spanking
when a child is hit, his/her brain goes intoearlier in childhood," at: Maggie Fox, "Why
shock and when the brain is in shock it nosome boys go bad: Gene study may show why
longer can assimilate information. Thus theabused turn violent," Reuters News Agency,
message the parent intends to convey is lost.2002-AUG-1.10.Michael A. Milburn & Sheree D.
Furthermore, hitting is a betrayal of trustConrad, "The Politics of Denial," MIT Press,
and engenders anger/rage not compliance.Think(1996). Read reviews or order this book
about it, if spanking is the magic solutionsafely from online book store11. Andrew
for correcting aberrant behavior, then whyGrogan-Kaylor, "The effect of corporal
doesn't one spanking solve the problem? Whypunishment on antisocial behavior in
does the child continue to repeat the samechildren," Social Work Research, Vol. 28, #
unacceptable behavior over and over?Again the3, 2004-SEP, Pages 153-162.12. "U-M study:
answer is simple--spanking doesn't work andSpanking can lead to more bad behavior by
children repeat any behavior--acceptable orchildren," University of Michigan News
unacceptable because they are in a learningService, 2004-SEP-08, at: The abstract is
process and they learn byonline at: You can also purchase the article
repetition.Consistent consequences such as:from the same URL.14. Sean Fine, "Study links
time out, grounding, withholding something ofspanking to future alcohol abuse," The Globe
significance, extra chores teaches criticaland Mail, Toronto, 1999-OCT-5, Pages A1 &
thinking, problem solving, relationshipA13Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, specializes
building and understanding how they are thein verbal, physical and sexual abuse
creator of the consequence.Whereas hittingprevention and recovery.
spanking because it is usually administered



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