| A few weeks ago my community paper published | | | | when the parent is at their 'wits end' or the |
| a letter to the editor which asked the | | | | parent(s) is/are in a bad mood about |
| question, "When will society stop domestic | | | | something which sometimes has no relationship |
| violence?"The answer to the question is | | | | to what the child did creates distrust. How |
| surprisingly simple, but difficult for people | | | | can a child continue to trust a parent, who |
| to accept, because domestic violence is | | | | has betrayed them? Children trust their |
| ensconced in the deepest fiber of many | | | | parent implicitly, but once that trust has |
| families--religion. Many religions teach that | | | | been betrayed it is seldom regained, because |
| 'spare the rod, you spoil the child' or that | | | | there is no way to achieve reconciliation |
| the Bible, specifically the book of Proverbs, | | | | with a parent/person who doesn't acknowledge |
| commands spanking.There is a distinction, | | | | their unacceptable behavior.When will society |
| however, which is of key interest to | | | | stop domestic violence? The simple answer is: |
| fundamentalists, between the practice in King | | | | When society stops sanctioning and promoting |
| Solomon's day of beating people on the back | | | | hitting or spanking children at home or in |
| for discipline. The latter is not prescribed | | | | school. Twenty-two states allow corporal |
| anywhere in the Bible.Furthermore, it needs | | | | punishment with a wooden paddle in schools. |
| to be pointed out that the Old Testament | | | | Is your state one of the twenty-two? |
| contains passages that could be (and in some | | | | Alabama, Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, |
| incidents have been) construed as divine | | | | Florida, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Kansas, |
| endorsements of wife-beating, racial warfare, | | | | Kentucky, Louisiana, Mississippi, Missouri, |
| slavery, the stoning to death of rebellious | | | | New Mexico, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma, |
| children and other behaviors that are | | | | Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, |
| outrageous by today's standards.If our laws | | | | Texas and Wyoming allow paddling children |
| no longer allow these Biblical commands, why | | | | with a wooden paddle in schools.The real |
| then do we hit children, a.k.a. chastening to | | | | question is "When will you stop sanctioning |
| supposedly correct unacceptable behavior?The | | | | and promoting hitting/spanking of children in |
| answer is not complicated. We cannot conceive | | | | your community, your school, your state? As |
| this Biblical and society-sanctioned form of | | | | Voltaire pointed out long ago: "We are not |
| child discipline as abuse until we can | | | | only responsible for what we do, but also for |
| honestly acknowledge the mistreatment from | | | | that what we don't do." If you aren't part |
| our own childhood experiences and examine the | | | | of the solution, you are part of the problem. |
| shortcomings of our own parents.As long as we | | | | Take action to educate yourself and others |
| believe, "I was hit and I turned out OK," the | | | | about this insidious crime against |
| practice of violence through spanking will | | | | children.1. "Punished for life: Canadian |
| continue to be perpetuated in the home with | | | | study links spanking to addiction and |
| the blessing of religion and a blind eye from | | | | psychiatric disorders," Reuters, 1995-OCT-5. |
| society--unless of course the 'spanking' goes | | | | Online at: Harriet McMillan, et al., |
| too far and the child is bloodied and | | | | "Slapping and spanking in childhood and its |
| bruised.One fundamental commonality among all | | | | association with lifetime prevalence of |
| men and women in prison is the fact they were | | | | psychiatric disorders in a general population |
| all spanked. If spanking created compliance | | | | sample," Canadian Medical Association |
| to rules of society, then why is this the | | | | Journal, 1999-OCT-5, at: Jane Gadd, "Spanked |
| only commonality among people who are on the | | | | children suffer intellectually," The Globe |
| wrong side of the law?Our laws and our | | | | and Mail, Toronto ON, 1998-JUL-304. M.A. |
| cultural values are unambiguous concerning | | | | Straus, Corporal punishment of children and |
| adults who hit, attack or verbally threaten | | | | adult depression and suicidal ideation," |
| other adults. Such behavior is recognized as | | | | Chapter 5 of: "Beating the devil out of them: |
| criminal and we hold them accountable.Why | | | | Corporal punishment in American families and |
| then when so much is at stake for society, do | | | | its effects on children," New Brunswick, |
| we accept and promote physical assault | | | | (2000), Page 60 to 77. Online at: This is a |
| against children? Then we wonder why there is | | | | PDF file. You may require software to read |
| domestic violence. Adults tend to repeat what | | | | it. Software can be obtained free from: Adobe |
| they experienced more often than not. The old | | | | Acrobat5. P. Greven, "Spare the child: The |
| saying, 'The acorn doesn't fall far from the | | | | religious roots of physical punishment and |
| tree' makes this point. The child accepts the | | | | the psychological impact of physical abuse," |
| message, "If I don't like something someones | | | | Knopf, (1991)6. Irvin Wolkoff, "Spanked child |
| says or does, hitting is the acceptable | | | | can become self-loathing adult," The Toronto |
| response."As a physical and sexual abuse | | | | Star, 1999-NOV-26, Page F4.7. E. Larzelere, |
| prevention specialist, I have heard all the | | | | "A review of the outcomes of parental use of |
| rationales why spanking is the only form of | | | | non-abusive or customary physical |
| discipline some children seem to need in | | | | punishment," Pediatrics 98:824-8318. Patricia |
| order to get the message. All these | | | | McBroom, "UC Berkeley study finds no lasting |
| rationales are biologically faulty, because | | | | harm among adolescents from moderate spanking |
| when a child is hit, his/her brain goes into | | | | earlier in childhood," at: Maggie Fox, "Why |
| shock and when the brain is in shock it no | | | | some boys go bad: Gene study may show why |
| longer can assimilate information. Thus the | | | | abused turn violent," Reuters News Agency, |
| message the parent intends to convey is lost. | | | | 2002-AUG-1.10.Michael A. Milburn & Sheree D. |
| Furthermore, hitting is a betrayal of trust | | | | Conrad, "The Politics of Denial," MIT Press, |
| and engenders anger/rage not compliance.Think | | | | (1996). Read reviews or order this book |
| about it, if spanking is the magic solution | | | | safely from online book store11. Andrew |
| for correcting aberrant behavior, then why | | | | Grogan-Kaylor, "The effect of corporal |
| doesn't one spanking solve the problem? Why | | | | punishment on antisocial behavior in |
| does the child continue to repeat the same | | | | children," Social Work Research, Vol. 28, # |
| unacceptable behavior over and over?Again the | | | | 3, 2004-SEP, Pages 153-162.12. "U-M study: |
| answer is simple--spanking doesn't work and | | | | Spanking can lead to more bad behavior by |
| children repeat any behavior--acceptable or | | | | children," University of Michigan News |
| unacceptable because they are in a learning | | | | Service, 2004-SEP-08, at: The abstract is |
| process and they learn by | | | | online at: You can also purchase the article |
| repetition.Consistent consequences such as: | | | | from the same URL.14. Sean Fine, "Study links |
| time out, grounding, withholding something of | | | | spanking to future alcohol abuse," The Globe |
| significance, extra chores teaches critical | | | | and Mail, Toronto, 1999-OCT-5, Pages A1 & |
| thinking, problem solving, relationship | | | | A13Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, specializes |
| building and understanding how they are the | | | | in verbal, physical and sexual abuse |
| creator of the consequence.Whereas hitting | | | | prevention and recovery. |
| spanking because it is usually administered | | | | |