| Imagine a wonderfully rare and beautiful | | | | move such as a bigger bedroom or a nearby |
| plant growing in your garden. Started from | | | | pool. Encourage your child to talk about |
| seed, and nurtured daily, the plant has | | | | their concerns. In general, the older a child |
| gradually unfolded year after year into a | | | | is, the more difficult of a time they will |
| thing of beauty. Now imagine ripping it out | | | | have making adjustments. The importance of |
| of the ground by the roots, plopping it into | | | | the peer group and the loss of their own |
| a pot of unprepared soil, and demanding it to | | | | place within the group increases the |
| grow and flourish as it had before. This is | | | | possibility for anxiety. |
| what we, as parents, expect from our children | | | | |
| when we ask them to move without adequate | | | | Expand Your Child's Education |
| preparation or without acknowledgement of the | | | | |
| difficulty for the child. Changing schools, | | | | If you are moving to a new state or country, |
| neighborhoods, cities, states, and sometimes, | | | | use this as an opportunity to expand your |
| even countries is much more traumatic than | | | | child's education. Subscribe to the local |
| many parents might realize. The shock value | | | | paper and read it with your child. Take a |
| to a child's system is tremendous. | | | | trip to the library for books about your new |
| | | | home. Enlist the help of travel bureaus for |
| "Any parent who thinks that moving won't | | | | brochures and maps that your child can study. |
| affect a child is dead wrong," according to | | | | If you are moving out of the country be sure |
| Dr. Nathan M. Lubin, PhD, of New Orleans | | | | to explore the differences in wardrobe, music |
| Louisiana, who has counseled numerous | | | | and food - three major concerns of most |
| children and their families on this often | | | | children of any age. |
| overlooked trauma. "Parents need to be aware | | | | |
| that this can be a serious problem for even | | | | Involve Your Child In The Move |
| the most well-adjusted child in the most | | | | |
| normal of family situations." | | | | Make your child a part of as much of the |
| | | | decision-making process as possible. Take |
| Moving creates significant stress for | | | | them with you to go look for a new home. |
| parents. There's a home to sell and a new | | | | Allow them to pick the colors of their new |
| home to buy or rent. Not to mention a change | | | | bedroom, no matter what you might think. Make |
| of job, packing, unpacking and then learning | | | | them responsible for packing and unpacking |
| your way around a new neighborhood. What | | | | their room. |
| parents might not realize is that it is also | | | | |
| an extremely stressful time for a child. | | | | Show Your Child By Example |
| | | | |
| Many times we brush a child's concerns about | | | | Preparing yourself for the move will give you |
| moving aside. We say, "Kids are adaptable. | | | | the strength and skills needed to pass on to |
| They'll make new friends." We take time to | | | | your child. Upon arrival at your new home, |
| prepare ourselves for all the inevitable | | | | take your child with you when you introduce |
| changes - we find new banks, doctors, daycare | | | | yourself to your neighbors. By making the |
| providers and even veterinarians. If we are | | | | move a family adventure rather than something |
| moving to a new country, we might even spend | | | | to dread, the transitional process can become |
| time learning a new language. We need to take | | | | a positive growth experience and increase |
| the same amount of time to help prepare our | | | | your child's self-confidence. |
| children for the transition. | | | | |
| | | | 10 Tips for Preparing Your Child to Move |
| "One of the worse things you can do is not | | | | |
| tell the child," states Lubin, who also sites | | | | 1. If possible, take the child with you when |
| moving as one of the cornerstones for future | | | | looking for a new home. Take lots of |
| psychological problems. | | | | pictures. Make an album of the neighborhood. |
| | | | |
| Moving Means Breaking Friendships | | | | 2. Try to meet their new teacher. Or go by |
| | | | the new school and walk around the grounds. |
| Loneliness is not a natural state for most | | | | Experience as much as of the new environment |
| children. During pre-adolescence children are | | | | before the move. |
| forming important social relationships. When | | | | |
| those early relationships are severed, the | | | | 3. Walk or drive the route your child can be |
| child can suffer a feeling of rejection and | | | | expected to take back and forth from school. |
| isolation. Without the coping skills to deal | | | | Help your child prepare a map. Encourage your |
| with these emotions the child could then, in | | | | child to decorate the map with their own |
| turn, have difficulty forming new social | | | | landmarks. |
| relationships, forming a hard-to-break cycle. | | | | |
| | | | 4. If your child will be attending day care |
| Moving Means Change | | | | of any kind, the sooner they can meet the |
| | | | provider, the easier that transition will be |
| Moving from a small school in the country to | | | | for them. |
| a large school in a big city (or reverse) | | | | |
| means more than just a change of teachers and | | | | 5. Try to meet neighborhood children ahead of |
| classrooms. There are bound to be cultural, | | | | time and get pictures. Exchange addresses so |
| behavioral and many times, even language | | | | your child can write to them before the move. |
| differences for your child to assimilate. | | | | If you can't find any of the children ahead |
| Dialects, wardrobe, even music....no sphere | | | | of time, contact the school and ask the |
| of a child's world is left unaffected by a | | | | teacher to arrange for a penpal who will be |
| move so why should we expect the child to be | | | | in your child's class. |
| unaffected? Parents, by working with their | | | | |
| children before the move, can not only | | | | 6. If your child is currently involved in a |
| alleviate many future problems before they | | | | hobby like skating, drill team, dancing, |
| take root, but can also help to reduce some | | | | music lessons - get information about the |
| of their own personal anxiety about the many | | | | availability of those activities near your |
| changes taking place within the family. | | | | new home. Contact the leaders of these groups |
| | | | to help link your child up with other child |
| Recognize Your Child's Potential For Stress | | | | with the same interests. |
| | | | |
| All ages of children will be affected to some | | | | 7. Get your child an address book and a |
| degree by a family move. Age, individual | | | | disposable camera for your child. Make sure |
| temperament of the child and circumstances of | | | | that every address, no matter how silly you |
| the move, will have a lot to do with the way | | | | might think it, is written down. They may |
| your child adapts. If your child is below the | | | | never write to anyone listed, but knowing |
| age of one year, you can most likely expect a | | | | they can if they want might make a |
| seamless transition. Any child older than | | | | difference. Havethem take lots of pictures |
| that will need to make adjustments of some | | | | the things and people that are important to |
| kind. Younger children may experience | | | | them. |
| regression in certain areas. Sleep patterns | | | | |
| may be disrupted. Eating habits may go awry. | | | | 8. Get some books about moving for your child |
| Older children may suffer personality changes | | | | to read. |
| from mild to the extreme. Be aware of the | | | | |
| warning signs that something is bothering | | | | 9. Have a box of warm fuzzies ready for your |
| your child such as depression, withdrawal, | | | | child during the move and upon arrival. |
| irritability or sleeping more or less than | | | | Favorite stuffed toys, blankets, pillow and |
| usual. | | | | snacks will all ease the pangs of |
| | | | homesickness. |
| Listen To Your Child's Fears | | | | |
| | | | 10. Have a "Getting to Know You Party" for |
| If your child is vocalizing certain fears | | | | all the nearby children. It doesn't have to |
| about the move, take time to listen. Don't | | | | be expensive, it just has to be done as soon |
| label any fear as foolish or irrational. Help | | | | as possible after the move. |
| your child find positive things about the | | | | |