| Imagine a wonderfully rare and beautiful plant | | | | move, take time to listen. Don't label any fear as |
| growing in your garden. Started from seed, and | | | | foolish or irrational. Help your child find positive things |
| nurtured daily, the plant has gradually unfolded year | | | | about the move such as a bigger bedroom or a |
| after year into a thing of beauty. Now imagine ripping | | | | nearby pool. Encourage your child to talk about their |
| it out of the ground by the roots, plopping it into a | | | | concerns. In general, the older a child is, the more |
| pot of unprepared soil, and demanding it to grow and | | | | difficult of a time they will have making adjustments. |
| flourish as it had before. This is what we, as parents, | | | | The importance of the peer group and the loss of |
| expect from our children when we ask them to | | | | their own place within the group increases the |
| move without adequate preparation or without | | | | possibility for anxiety. |
| acknowledgement of the difficulty for the child. | | | | Expand Your Child's Education |
| Changing schools, neighborhoods, cities, states, and | | | | If you are moving to a new state or country, use |
| sometimes, even countries is much more traumatic | | | | this as an opportunity to expand your child's |
| than many parents might realize. The shock value to | | | | education. Subscribe to the local paper and read it |
| a child's system is tremendous. | | | | with your child. Take a trip to the library for books |
| "Any parent who thinks that moving won't affect a | | | | about your new home. Enlist the help of travel |
| child is dead wrong," according to Dr. Nathan M. Lubin, | | | | bureaus for brochures and maps that your child can |
| PhD, of New Orleans Louisiana, who has counseled | | | | study. If you are moving out of the country be sure |
| numerous children and their families on this often | | | | to explore the differences in wardrobe, music and |
| overlooked trauma. "Parents need to be aware that | | | | food - three major concerns of most children of any |
| this can be a serious problem for even the most | | | | age. |
| well-adjusted child in the most normal of family | | | | Involve Your Child In The Move |
| situations." | | | | Make your child a part of as much of the |
| Moving creates significant stress for parents. There's | | | | decision-making process as possible. Take them with |
| a home to sell and a new home to buy or rent. Not | | | | you to go look for a new home. Allow them to pick |
| to mention a change of job, packing, unpacking and | | | | the colors of their new bedroom, no matter what |
| then learning your way around a new neighborhood. | | | | you might think. Make them responsible for packing |
| What parents might not realize is that it is also an | | | | and unpacking their room. |
| extremely stressful time for a child. | | | | Show Your Child By Example |
| Many times we brush a child's concerns about moving | | | | Preparing yourself for the move will give you the |
| aside. We say, "Kids are adaptable. They'll make new | | | | strength and skills needed to pass on to your child. |
| friends." We take time to prepare ourselves for all | | | | Upon arrival at your new home, take your child with |
| the inevitable changes - we find new banks, doctors, | | | | you when you introduce yourself to your neighbors. |
| daycare providers and even veterinarians. If we are | | | | By making the move a family adventure rather than |
| moving to a new country, we might even spend time | | | | something to dread, the transitional process can |
| learning a new language. We need to take the same | | | | become a positive growth experience and increase |
| amount of time to help prepare our children for the | | | | your child's self-confidence. |
| transition. | | | | 10 Tips for Preparing Your Child to Move |
| "One of the worse things you can do is not tell the | | | | 1. If possible, take the child with you when looking |
| child," states Lubin, who also sites moving as one of | | | | for a new home. Take lots of pictures. Make an |
| the cornerstones for future psychological problems. | | | | album of the neighborhood. |
| Moving Means Breaking Friendships | | | | 2. Try to meet their new teacher. Or go by the new |
| Loneliness is not a natural state for most children. | | | | school and walk around the grounds. Experience as |
| During pre-adolescence children are forming important | | | | much as of the new environment before the move. |
| social relationships. When those early relationships are | | | | 3. Walk or drive the route your child can be expected |
| severed, the child can suffer a feeling of rejection | | | | to take back and forth from school. Help your child |
| and isolation. Without the coping skills to deal with | | | | prepare a map. Encourage your child to decorate the |
| these emotions the child could then, in turn, have | | | | map with their own landmarks. |
| difficulty forming new social relationships, forming a | | | | 4. If your child will be attending day care of any kind, |
| hard-to-break cycle. | | | | the sooner they can meet the provider, the easier |
| Moving Means Change | | | | that transition will be for them. |
| Moving from a small school in the country to a large | | | | 5. Try to meet neighborhood children ahead of time |
| school in a big city (or reverse) means more than | | | | and get pictures. Exchange addresses so your child |
| just a change of teachers and classrooms. There are | | | | can write to them before the move. If you can't find |
| bound to be cultural, behavioral and many times, | | | | any of the children ahead of time, contact the school |
| even language differences for your child to assimilate. | | | | and ask the teacher to arrange for a penpal who will |
| Dialects, wardrobe, even music....no sphere of a child's | | | | be in your child's class. |
| world is left unaffected by a move so why should | | | | 6. If your child is currently involved in a hobby like |
| we expect the child to be unaffected? Parents, by | | | | skating, drill team, dancing, music lessons - get |
| working with their children before the move, can not | | | | information about the availability of those activities |
| only alleviate many future problems before they take | | | | near your new home. Contact the leaders of these |
| root, but can also help to reduce some of their own | | | | groups to help link your child up with other child with |
| personal anxiety about the many changes taking | | | | the same interests. |
| place within the family. | | | | 7. Get your child an address book and a disposable |
| Recognize Your Child's Potential For Stress | | | | camera for your child. Make sure that every address, |
| All ages of children will be affected to some degree | | | | no matter how silly you might think it, is written |
| by a family move. Age, individual temperament of the | | | | down. They may never write to anyone listed, but |
| child and circumstances of the move, will have a lot | | | | knowing they can if they want might make a |
| to do with the way your child adapts. If your child is | | | | difference. Havethem take lots of pictures the things |
| below the age of one year, you can most likely | | | | and people that are important to them. |
| expect a seamless transition. Any child older than that | | | | 8. Get some books about moving for your child to |
| will need to make adjustments of some kind. | | | | read. |
| Younger children may experience regression in certain | | | | 9. Have a box of warm fuzzies ready for your child |
| areas. Sleep patterns may be disrupted. Eating habits | | | | during the move and upon arrival. Favorite stuffed |
| may go awry. Older children may suffer personality | | | | toys, blankets, pillow and snacks will all ease the |
| changes from mild to the extreme. Be aware of the | | | | pangs of homesickness. |
| warning signs that something is bothering your child | | | | 10. Have a "Getting to Know You Party" for all the |
| such as depression, withdrawal, irritability or sleeping | | | | nearby children. It doesn't have to be expensive, it |
| more or less than usual. | | | | just has to be done as soon as possible after the |
| Listen To Your Child's Fears | | | | move. |
| If your child is vocalizing certain fears about the | | | | |