| The following article is offered for | | | | throughout their adult life - beliefs |
| free use in your ezine, print | | | | such as: |
| publication or on your web site, so long | | | | * I've been damaged beyond repair. I can |
| as the author resource box at the end is | | | | never heal and be whole. |
| included, with hyperlinks. Notification | | | | * I'm a bad person. I cause people to |
| of publication would be appreciated. | | | | abuse me because of my badness. |
| For other articles which you are free to | | | | * All I'm good for is sex. |
| use, see | | | | * The only way to be safe is to be |
| Title: The Legacy of Sexual Abuse | | | | invisible. |
| Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: | | | | These false beliefs can cause untold |
| Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul | | | | heartache for the survivor of sexual |
| URL: Word Count: 837 Category: | | | | abuse. |
| Emotional Healing | | | | THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL |
| The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Margaret | | | | Sexual abuse not only causes physical |
| Paul, Ph.D. | | | | and emotional harm, it is also causes |
| During the many years I've been | | | | spiritual harm. It is a form of |
| counseling people, I've worked with many | | | | spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is any |
| people who were sexually abused as | | | | abuse that contributes to a |
| children. Some of them remember it all | | | | disconnection from a spiritual Source of |
| their lives, while others repressed it | | | | love and comfort. |
| and remember it only as adults. In | | | | When a child is being abused by a |
| either case, the resulting harm exists | | | | trusted person, a person who is supposed |
| on many levels. | | | | to protect the child such as a parent, |
| THE PHYSICAL LEVEL | | | | relative, teacher, religious leader, |
| If a child was violently abused, the | | | | doctor, or friend, the child learns that |
| physical pain may have been so intense | | | | adults can't be trusted. The deepest |
| as to cause the person to not be able to | | | | harm occurs when the abuser is a parent. |
| function in a normal way sexually as an | | | | Most children learn to project onto God |
| adult. The fear of penetration or of | | | | their experience of their parents. If |
| oral sex may cause the person to avoid | | | | their parents are judgmental, then they |
| sex entirely, or to be too tense to | | | | believe that God is judgmental. If their |
| actually enjoy sex. | | | | parents are too busy for them, then they |
| However, even if the abuse was not | | | | believe that God is too busy for them. |
| violent and physical harmful, the | | | | If their parents do not protect them or |
| physical harm can be deep. A child's | | | | harm them, they might conclude that God |
| body is not big enough to handle the | | | | does not exist. "If God existed, then |
| intense feelings of sexual arousal. | | | | why didn't God stop my father from |
| When a child is sexually activated at a | | | | raping me?" |
| young age, the child may be so | | | | Some children leave their bodies when |
| overwhelmed with the feelings that he or | | | | being severely abused. Invariably, with |
| she ends up constantly masturbating to | | | | therapeutic help, they can remember that |
| find some relief. Incessant masturbation | | | | they were lovingly held by a spiritual |
| is one of the symptoms of sexual abuse. | | | | teacher and told that the abuse was not |
| As an adult, this could translate into | | | | their fault. Much healing occurs with |
| various forms sexual addiction. | | | | these memories. They can remember |
| THE EMOTIONAL LEVEL | | | | knowing that they were being helped by |
| The harm done on the emotional level is | | | | God, even though, due to the law of free |
| extensive. Sexual abuse is a deep form | | | | will, God could not stop the abuser from |
| of violation, and invariably leads to | | | | abusing them. |
| the child feeling objectified. The child | | | | Reconnecting on the spiritual level is |
| comes to see herself or himself as an | | | | the key to healing on the physical and |
| object to be used rather than as a | | | | emotional levels. Through connection |
| person deserving of caring. This | | | | with Spirit, abuse survivors learn that |
| objectification of the self can lead to | | | | they are not irrevocably damaged, that |
| promiscuity at a young age, or to other | | | | they are not inherently bad and did not |
| forms of being used and abused. | | | | cause themselves to be abused, that they |
| One of the deepest levels of harm is | | | | can share much more than sex - they can |
| that the child tends to absorb the | | | | share their love and compassion, and |
| darkness of the abuser. The child, not | | | | that they can create their own safety |
| knowing that he or she is not causing | | | | rather than be invisible as a way to be |
| the abuser to be abusive, takes on the | | | | safe. Their false beliefs are healed |
| shame of the abuser. It is as if the | | | | through the truth that comes from their |
| darkness of the abuser goes right into | | | | spiritual connection. |
| the child. As a result, the abused | | | | Learning to be a loving and |
| person grows up with a feeling of being | | | | compassionate adult with oneself is the |
| a very bad person, with a huge ball of | | | | major challenge for an abuse survivor. |
| darkness within. Most survivors of | | | | Deep healing occurs when survivors learn |
| childhood sexual abuse need to go | | | | to see and value the beauty of their own |
| through a process of realizing that this | | | | soul, and learn to treat themselves with |
| darkness does not belong to them and | | | | respect, caring and compassion. Inner |
| releasing it. | | | | safety and deep self worth are the |
| Children who have been sexually abused | | | | results of learning to treat oneself |
| generally absorb many false beliefs | | | | with love. |
| about themselves that can plague them | | | | |