| The following article is offered for free use in your | | | | plague them throughout their adult life - beliefs such |
| ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as | | | | as: |
| the author resource box at the end is included, with | | | | * I've been damaged beyond repair. I can never heal |
| hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be | | | | and be whole. |
| appreciated. | | | | * I'm a bad person. I cause people to abuse me |
| For other articles which you are free to use, see | | | | because of my badness. |
| Title: The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Author: Margaret | | | | * All I'm good for is sex. |
| Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: Copyright: © 2004 by | | | | * The only way to be safe is to be invisible. |
| Margaret Paul URL: Word Count: 837 Category: | | | | These false beliefs can cause untold heartache for |
| Emotional Healing | | | | the survivor of sexual abuse. |
| The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Margaret Paul, Ph.D. | | | | THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL |
| During the many years I've been counseling people, | | | | Sexual abuse not only causes physical and emotional |
| I've worked with many people who were sexually | | | | harm, it is also causes spiritual harm. It is a form of |
| abused as children. Some of them remember it all | | | | spiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is any abuse that |
| their lives, while others repressed it and remember it | | | | contributes to a disconnection from a spiritual Source |
| only as adults. In either case, the resulting harm | | | | of love and comfort. |
| exists on many levels. | | | | When a child is being abused by a trusted person, a |
| THE PHYSICAL LEVEL | | | | person who is supposed to protect the child such as |
| If a child was violently abused, the physical pain may | | | | a parent, relative, teacher, religious leader, doctor, or |
| have been so intense as to cause the person to not | | | | friend, the child learns that adults can't be trusted. |
| be able to function in a normal way sexually as an | | | | The deepest harm occurs when the abuser is a |
| adult. The fear of penetration or of oral sex may | | | | parent. Most children learn to project onto God their |
| cause the person to avoid sex entirely, or to be too | | | | experience of their parents. If their parents are |
| tense to actually enjoy sex. | | | | judgmental, then they believe that God is judgmental. |
| However, even if the abuse was not violent and | | | | If their parents are too busy for them, then they |
| physical harmful, the physical harm can be deep. A | | | | believe that God is too busy for them. If their |
| child's body is not big enough to handle the intense | | | | parents do not protect them or harm them, they |
| feelings of sexual arousal. When a child is sexually | | | | might conclude that God does not exist. "If God |
| activated at a young age, the child may be so | | | | existed, then why didn't God stop my father from |
| overwhelmed with the feelings that he or she ends | | | | raping me?" |
| up constantly masturbating to find some relief. | | | | Some children leave their bodies when being severely |
| Incessant masturbation is one of the symptoms of | | | | abused. Invariably, with therapeutic help, they can |
| sexual abuse. As an adult, this could translate into | | | | remember that they were lovingly held by a spiritual |
| various forms sexual addiction. | | | | teacher and told that the abuse was not their fault. |
| THE EMOTIONAL LEVEL | | | | Much healing occurs with these memories. They can |
| The harm done on the emotional level is extensive. | | | | remember knowing that they were being helped by |
| Sexual abuse is a deep form of violation, and | | | | God, even though, due to the law of free will, God |
| invariably leads to the child feeling objectified. The | | | | could not stop the abuser from abusing them. |
| child comes to see herself or himself as an object to | | | | Reconnecting on the spiritual level is the key to |
| be used rather than as a person deserving of caring. | | | | healing on the physical and emotional levels. Through |
| This objectification of the self can lead to promiscuity | | | | connection with Spirit, abuse survivors learn that they |
| at a young age, or to other forms of being used and | | | | are not irrevocably damaged, that they are not |
| abused. | | | | inherently bad and did not cause themselves to be |
| One of the deepest levels of harm is that the child | | | | abused, that they can share much more than sex - |
| tends to absorb the darkness of the abuser. The | | | | they can share their love and compassion, and that |
| child, not knowing that he or she is not causing the | | | | they can create their own safety rather than be |
| abuser to be abusive, takes on the shame of the | | | | invisible as a way to be safe. Their false beliefs are |
| abuser. It is as if the darkness of the abuser goes | | | | healed through the truth that comes from their |
| right into the child. As a result, the abused person | | | | spiritual connection. |
| grows up with a feeling of being a very bad person, | | | | Learning to be a loving and compassionate adult with |
| with a huge ball of darkness within. Most survivors of | | | | oneself is the major challenge for an abuse survivor. |
| childhood sexual abuse need to go through a process | | | | Deep healing occurs when survivors learn to see and |
| of realizing that this darkness does not belong to | | | | value the beauty of their own soul, and learn to treat |
| them and releasing it. | | | | themselves with respect, caring and compassion. |
| Children who have been sexually abused generally | | | | Inner safety and deep self worth are the results of |
| absorb many false beliefs about themselves that can | | | | learning to treat oneself with love. |