The Legacy of Sexual Abuse

The following article is offered for free use in yourplague them throughout their adult life - beliefs such
ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long asas:
the author resource box at the end is included, with* I've been damaged beyond repair. I can never heal
hyperlinks. Notification of publication would beand be whole.
appreciated.* I'm a bad person. I cause people to abuse me
For other articles which you are free to use, seebecause of my badness.
Title: The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Author: Margaret* All I'm good for is sex.
Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: Copyright: © 2004 by* The only way to be safe is to be invisible.
Margaret Paul URL: Word Count: 837 Category:These false beliefs can cause untold heartache for
Emotional Healingthe survivor of sexual abuse.
The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Margaret Paul, Ph.D.THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL
During the many years I've been counseling people,Sexual abuse not only causes physical and emotional
I've worked with many people who were sexuallyharm, it is also causes spiritual harm. It is a form of
abused as children. Some of them remember it allspiritual abuse. Spiritual abuse is any abuse that
their lives, while others repressed it and remember itcontributes to a disconnection from a spiritual Source
only as adults. In either case, the resulting harmof love and comfort.
exists on many levels.When a child is being abused by a trusted person, a
THE PHYSICAL LEVELperson who is supposed to protect the child such as
If a child was violently abused, the physical pain maya parent, relative, teacher, religious leader, doctor, or
have been so intense as to cause the person to notfriend, the child learns that adults can't be trusted.
be able to function in a normal way sexually as anThe deepest harm occurs when the abuser is a
adult. The fear of penetration or of oral sex mayparent. Most children learn to project onto God their
cause the person to avoid sex entirely, or to be tooexperience of their parents. If their parents are
tense to actually enjoy sex.judgmental, then they believe that God is judgmental.
However, even if the abuse was not violent andIf their parents are too busy for them, then they
physical harmful, the physical harm can be deep. Abelieve that God is too busy for them. If their
child's body is not big enough to handle the intenseparents do not protect them or harm them, they
feelings of sexual arousal. When a child is sexuallymight conclude that God does not exist. "If God
activated at a young age, the child may be soexisted, then why didn't God stop my father from
overwhelmed with the feelings that he or she endsraping me?"
up constantly masturbating to find some relief.Some children leave their bodies when being severely
Incessant masturbation is one of the symptoms ofabused. Invariably, with therapeutic help, they can
sexual abuse. As an adult, this could translate intoremember that they were lovingly held by a spiritual
various forms sexual addiction.teacher and told that the abuse was not their fault.
THE EMOTIONAL LEVELMuch healing occurs with these memories. They can
The harm done on the emotional level is extensive.remember knowing that they were being helped by
Sexual abuse is a deep form of violation, andGod, even though, due to the law of free will, God
invariably leads to the child feeling objectified. Thecould not stop the abuser from abusing them.
child comes to see herself or himself as an object toReconnecting on the spiritual level is the key to
be used rather than as a person deserving of caring.healing on the physical and emotional levels. Through
This objectification of the self can lead to promiscuityconnection with Spirit, abuse survivors learn that they
at a young age, or to other forms of being used andare not irrevocably damaged, that they are not
abused.inherently bad and did not cause themselves to be
One of the deepest levels of harm is that the childabused, that they can share much more than sex -
tends to absorb the darkness of the abuser. Thethey can share their love and compassion, and that
child, not knowing that he or she is not causing thethey can create their own safety rather than be
abuser to be abusive, takes on the shame of theinvisible as a way to be safe. Their false beliefs are
abuser. It is as if the darkness of the abuser goeshealed through the truth that comes from their
right into the child. As a result, the abused personspiritual connection.
grows up with a feeling of being a very bad person,Learning to be a loving and compassionate adult with
with a huge ball of darkness within. Most survivors ofoneself is the major challenge for an abuse survivor.
childhood sexual abuse need to go through a processDeep healing occurs when survivors learn to see and
of realizing that this darkness does not belong tovalue the beauty of their own soul, and learn to treat
them and releasing it.themselves with respect, caring and compassion.
Children who have been sexually abused generallyInner safety and deep self worth are the results of
absorb many false beliefs about themselves that canlearning to treat oneself with love.