| The following article is offered for free use | | | | generally absorb many false beliefs about |
| in your ezine, print publication or on your | | | | themselves that can plague them throughout |
| web site, so long as the author resource box | | | | their adult life - beliefs such as: |
| at the end is included, with hyperlinks. | | | | |
| Notification of publication would be | | | | * I've been damaged beyond repair. I can |
| appreciated. | | | | never heal and be whole. |
| | | | |
| For other articles which you are free to use, | | | | * I'm a bad person. I cause people to abuse |
| see | | | | me because of my badness. |
| | | | |
| Title: The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Author: | | | | * All I'm good for is sex. |
| Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: Copyright: | | | | |
| © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL: Word | | | | * The only way to be safe is to be invisible. |
| Count: 837 Category: Emotional Healing | | | | |
| | | | These false beliefs can cause untold |
| The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Margaret Paul, | | | | heartache for the survivor of sexual abuse. |
| Ph.D. | | | | |
| | | | THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL |
| During the many years I've been counseling | | | | |
| people, I've worked with many people who were | | | | Sexual abuse not only causes physical and |
| sexually abused as children. Some of them | | | | emotional harm, it is also causes spiritual |
| remember it all their lives, while others | | | | harm. It is a form of spiritual abuse. |
| repressed it and remember it only as adults. | | | | Spiritual abuse is any abuse that contributes |
| In either case, the resulting harm exists on | | | | to a disconnection from a spiritual Source of |
| many levels. | | | | love and comfort. |
| | | | |
| THE PHYSICAL LEVEL | | | | When a child is being abused by a trusted |
| | | | person, a person who is supposed to protect |
| If a child was violently abused, the physical | | | | the child such as a parent, relative, |
| pain may have been so intense as to cause the | | | | teacher, religious leader, doctor, or friend, |
| person to not be able to function in a normal | | | | the child learns that adults can't be |
| way sexually as an adult. The fear of | | | | trusted. The deepest harm occurs when the |
| penetration or of oral sex may cause the | | | | abuser is a parent. Most children learn to |
| person to avoid sex entirely, or to be too | | | | project onto God their experience of their |
| tense to actually enjoy sex. | | | | parents. If their parents are judgmental, |
| | | | then they believe that God is judgmental. If |
| However, even if the abuse was not violent | | | | their parents are too busy for them, then |
| and physical harmful, the physical harm can | | | | they believe that God is too busy for them. |
| be deep. A child's body is not big enough to | | | | If their parents do not protect them or harm |
| handle the intense feelings of sexual | | | | them, they might conclude that God does not |
| arousal. When a child is sexually activated | | | | exist. "If God existed, then why didn't God |
| at a young age, the child may be so | | | | stop my father from raping me?" |
| overwhelmed with the feelings that he or she | | | | |
| ends up constantly masturbating to find some | | | | Some children leave their bodies when being |
| relief. Incessant masturbation is one of the | | | | severely abused. Invariably, with therapeutic |
| symptoms of sexual abuse. As an adult, this | | | | help, they can remember that they were |
| could translate into various forms sexual | | | | lovingly held by a spiritual teacher and told |
| addiction. | | | | that the abuse was not their fault. Much |
| | | | healing occurs with these memories. They can |
| THE EMOTIONAL LEVEL | | | | remember knowing that they were being helped |
| | | | by God, even though, due to the law of free |
| The harm done on the emotional level is | | | | will, God could not stop the abuser from |
| extensive. Sexual abuse is a deep form of | | | | abusing them. |
| violation, and invariably leads to the child | | | | |
| feeling objectified. The child comes to see | | | | Reconnecting on the spiritual level is the |
| herself or himself as an object to be used | | | | key to healing on the physical and emotional |
| rather than as a person deserving of caring. | | | | levels. Through connection with Spirit, abuse |
| This objectification of the self can lead to | | | | survivors learn that they are not irrevocably |
| promiscuity at a young age, or to other forms | | | | damaged, that they are not inherently bad and |
| of being used and abused. | | | | did not cause themselves to be abused, that |
| | | | they can share much more than sex - they can |
| One of the deepest levels of harm is that the | | | | share their love and compassion, and that |
| child tends to absorb the darkness of the | | | | they can create their own safety rather than |
| abuser. The child, not knowing that he or she | | | | be invisible as a way to be safe. Their false |
| is not causing the abuser to be abusive, | | | | beliefs are healed through the truth that |
| takes on the shame of the abuser. It is as if | | | | comes from their spiritual connection. |
| the darkness of the abuser goes right into | | | | |
| the child. As a result, the abused person | | | | Learning to be a loving and compassionate |
| grows up with a feeling of being a very bad | | | | adult with oneself is the major challenge for |
| person, with a huge ball of darkness within. | | | | an abuse survivor. Deep healing occurs when |
| Most survivors of childhood sexual abuse need | | | | survivors learn to see and value the beauty |
| to go through a process of realizing that | | | | of their own soul, and learn to treat |
| this darkness does not belong to them and | | | | themselves with respect, caring and |
| releasing it. | | | | compassion. Inner safety and deep self worth |
| | | | are the results of learning to treat oneself |
| Children who have been sexually abused | | | | with love. |