| The following article is offered for free
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| | themselves that can plague them
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| use in your ezine, print publication or
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| | throughout their adult life - beliefs
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| on your web site, so long as the author
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| | such as:
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| resource box at the end is included, with
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| | * I've been damaged beyond repair. I can
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| hyperlinks. Notification of publication
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| | never heal and be whole.
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| would be appreciated.
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| | * I'm a bad person. I cause people to
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| For other articles which you are free to
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| | abuse me because of my badness.
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| use, see
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| | * All I'm good for is sex.
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| Title: The Legacy of Sexual Abuse
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| | * The only way to be safe is to be
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| Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail:
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| | invisible.
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| Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul URL:
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| | These false beliefs can cause untold
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| Word Count: 837 Category: Emotional
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| | heartache for the survivor of sexual
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| Healing
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| | abuse.
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| The Legacy of Sexual Abuse Margaret
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| | THE SPIRITUAL LEVEL
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| Paul, Ph.D.
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| | Sexual abuse not only causes physical and
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| During the many years I've been
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| | emotional harm, it is also causes
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| counseling people, I've worked with many
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| | spiritual harm. It is a form of spiritual
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| people who were sexually abused as
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| | abuse. Spiritual abuse is any abuse that
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| children. Some of them remember it all
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| | contributes to a disconnection from a
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| their lives, while others repressed it
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| | spiritual Source of love and comfort.
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| and remember it only as adults. In either
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| | When a child is being abused by a trusted
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| case, the resulting harm exists on many
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| | person, a person who is supposed to
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| levels.
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| | protect the child such as a parent,
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| THE PHYSICAL LEVEL
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| | relative, teacher, religious leader,
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| If a child was violently abused, the
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| | doctor, or friend, the child learns that
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| physical pain may have been so intense as
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| | adults can't be trusted. The deepest harm
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| to cause the person to not be able to
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| | occurs when the abuser is a parent. Most
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| function in a normal way sexually as an
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| | children learn to project onto God their
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| adult. The fear of penetration or of oral
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| | experience of their parents. If their
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| sex may cause the person to avoid sex
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| | parents are judgmental, then they believe
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| entirely, or to be too tense to actually
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| | that God is judgmental. If their parents
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| enjoy sex.
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| | are too busy for them, then they believe
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| However, even if the abuse was not
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| | that God is too busy for them. If their
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| violent and physical harmful, the
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| | parents do not protect them or harm them,
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| physical harm can be deep. A child's body
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| | they might conclude that God does not
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| is not big enough to handle the intense
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| | exist. "If God existed, then why didn't
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| feelings of sexual arousal. When a child
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| | God stop my father from raping me?"
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| is sexually activated at a young age, the
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| | Some children leave their bodies when
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| child may be so overwhelmed with the
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| | being severely abused. Invariably, with
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| feelings that he or she ends up
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| | therapeutic help, they can remember that
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| constantly masturbating to find some
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| | they were lovingly held by a spiritual
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| relief. Incessant masturbation is one of
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| | teacher and told that the abuse was not
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| the symptoms of sexual abuse. As an
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| | their fault. Much healing occurs with
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| adult, this could translate into various
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| | these memories. They can remember knowing
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| forms sexual addiction.
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| | that they were being helped by God, even
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| THE EMOTIONAL LEVEL
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| | though, due to the law of free will, God
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| The harm done on the emotional level is
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| | could not stop the abuser from abusing
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| extensive. Sexual abuse is a deep form of
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| | them.
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| violation, and invariably leads to the
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| | Reconnecting on the spiritual level is
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| child feeling objectified. The child
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| | the key to healing on the physical and
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| comes to see herself or himself as an
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| | emotional levels. Through connection with
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| object to be used rather than as a person
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| | Spirit, abuse survivors learn that they
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| deserving of caring. This objectification
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| | are not irrevocably damaged, that they
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| of the self can lead to promiscuity at a
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| | are not inherently bad and did not cause
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| young age, or to other forms of being
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| | themselves to be abused, that they can
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| used and abused.
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| | share much more than sex - they can share
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| One of the deepest levels of harm is that
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| | their love and compassion, and that they
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| the child tends to absorb the darkness of
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| | can create their own safety rather than
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| the abuser. The child, not knowing that
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| | be invisible as a way to be safe. Their
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| he or she is not causing the abuser to be
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| | false beliefs are healed through the
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| abusive, takes on the shame of the
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| | truth that comes from their spiritual
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| abuser. It is as if the darkness of the
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| | connection.
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| abuser goes right into the child. As a
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| | Learning to be a loving and compassionate
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| result, the abused person grows up with a
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| | adult with oneself is the major challenge
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| feeling of being a very bad person, with
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| | for an abuse survivor. Deep healing
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| a huge ball of darkness within. Most
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| | occurs when survivors learn to see and
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| survivors of childhood sexual abuse need
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| | value the beauty of their own soul, and
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| to go through a process of realizing that
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| | learn to treat themselves with respect,
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| this darkness does not belong to them and
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| | caring and compassion. Inner safety and
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| releasing it.
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| | deep self worth are the results of
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| Children who have been sexually abused
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| | learning to treat oneself with love.
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| generally absorb many false beliefs about
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